Ookami Shoujo to Kuro Ouji (Wolf Girl and Black Prince)

I haven't posted over Christmas as I went to see family for the week, which means I caught up on my anime today and I am writing the posts now (they will be uploaded over a couple of days).

Firstly, this is the most beautiful ending to a series I have seen in a while, no loose ends, no real questions (that bothered me) and it all wrapped itself up nicely. Being a comedy and reading the synopsis before starting the series, I was skeptical.

"The story centers around Erika Shinohara, a vain 16-year-old girl who tells her friends about her romantic exploits, but she actually has no boyfriend. She claims that a handsome boy in a candid photo is her boyfriend, but it turns out that boy is a schoolmate named Kyouya Sata. She has no choice but to make him her fake boyfriend. Unfortunately, Sata may look like a sweet person, but he is actually an ultra-black-hearted sadist. Sata takes advantage of Erika's weakness and treats her like his dog." (From animeultima.tv)

It reminded me of the film Easy A with Emma Stone, except Erica wanted everyone to know about her fake boyfriend. She is really relatable, in some aspects, but is a typical girl. She wants to impress some new friends, and her lie just gets bigger and bigger, but I found that even though she is the main character, the story actually focuses more on Sata. He is the heartthrob of the school, and every girl wants him, but he is not interested in anyone. 

If you want to watch a light hearted comedy, with plenty of character development, this is for you. Also watch if you like Baka no Test, shame there's no cross-dressing though.

Happy Watching.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie

Retrospect

A year ago today was the most stressful and happiest day of my life. It was the day I honestly contemplated suicide because of the situation in university halls. I couldn't take it anymore.

It was also the day the people in the office finally let me move out. The tension literally lifted from my shoulders and it was the best feeling in the world.

Now, I'm working on Project Happy with some friends, to bring a bit of that happiness that I felt, to the lives of others, if only momentarily.

A lot can happen in a year, and without the help and support from my friends and family, who knows what my life would be like right now, if it even exists. So I want to say a massive thank you to these people in particular, and send a message to you all. If someone is feeling down, do what you can to help them, you don't know if the situation is minor or major, and you really can make a difference. So please, spread the love.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

This is not a review :O

So, I know I said that I will be focusing on my studies, at least for the next few months. I seems that I lied to myself. I have found myself playing The Sims 3 and 4 on multiple occasions, watching anime and simply going out.

Sims 4

I've started four new series: Ookami Shoujo to Kuro Ouji, Trinity Seven, Cross Ange: Tenshi to Ryuu no Rondo, and Grisaia no Kajitsu. One of these is a normal length series of around 25 episodes, but you can expect the other reviews around Christmas (I guess that's when they end).

Cross Ange

Not only have I been watching anime, but Grimm, The Big Bang Theory, The Simpsons, American Horror Story and Marvel's Agents of SHIELD are also back on TV. Well, I don't have a TV but Netflix and Amazon are quite useful here. If I can't find them there, there are always Google Searches.

That's all for a quick update from me.
Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Tokyo ESP

Ok, so it's taken me a while to watch the last two episodes and write this up.

The first episode is confusing, it shows a city in utter chaos, and the citizens only hope has been locked up due to some law. The second episode starts the story from the beginning, explaining many aspects, good and bad, leading up to the destruction of the town. Somewhere near the end of the series, you realise where the first episode roughly slots in.

There were parts that made me gasp, some where I cringed, and others that almost brought happy tears to my eyes. However, it isn't as interesting as some series that I have watched. In my sister's words, 'We've set a high standard for anime early on, so watching good anime isn't as amazing as others e have watched.' I think she sums it up quite well, we started off with recommendations of series that people have absolutely loved, and then expected all anime to be that good. In truth, not everything is, and it is obvious which ones I like the most by the way I write the review.

If you enjoy watching dark anime such as Tokyo Ghoul, this is great. The themes vary but the storyline stays on track, which is damn helpful.

I'm sorry I've gotten worse at writing these reviews, but you can see why. This was a good series, but not a mindblowingly amazing series. I realised when I moved address and didn't feel like I was missing the series because I didn't have internet for a week. It's something to pass the time, but not something to obsess over.

This is just my opinion, and I may be less interested because my university life has gotten hectic and I'm prioritising my work over leisure. I probably won't be watching any or many series this winter, so don't expect any major posts until after Easter, when my course is drawing to an end.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Kuroshitsuji: Book of Circus

W..T..F?!

So I watched this with my sister and we were amazed that it was only ten episodes long. The beginning is intriguing, and unlike the first series, this takes on just one case throughout. It starts shortly after the curry contest in the first season, and Agni is back of course. :)

I don't know what to say without giving too much away.. Well, Ciel is in his London townhouse instead of his luxurious mansion, so we have a change of location. We see more of the servants fighting skills, oh, and there's a mysterious circus that Ciel and Sebastian join. The new cast makes scenes cheerier at first glance, but there is something sinister going on. Something worse than I could have thought possible.

Don't get me wrong, I love Kurohitsuji so much but this was too dark. It even added a new theory to my brain (I haven't read the manga at all) and kept me thinking all the way through. I just didn't like the ending. It was too dark...

SEBAS-CHAN!!! Grell also makes his appearance and is always infatuated with his Sebby. Grell is just so cute that I wanna pinch his little cheeks. :3

That is all I can say... I shall remain with my jaw hanging open and staring at the screen. Wishing for more.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Homeless?

So I went  home on Tuesday to look for jobs and see my mum... I was in the house half an hour, before the arguing started. In fact, it started when I got in after a terrible previous couple of days, plus little sleep. I shouted quite a bit, and left saying that I won't be back for summer. I basically told my mum some truths that have been bugging me for a few years.

So, with no where to to go over summer, unless I contemplate suicide living there again, I decided to contact my missing father. He's rented out his house while away, and well, he hasn't gotten back to me about his other properties yet. :( Seriously, what does being 'daddy's favourite' get you? Nothing, that's what.

I could live with a couple of friends over summer, but that makes it harder for finding a job, especially if I keep skipping cities between the south coast and the midlands. This will be a long 3/4 months of summer. My friend also cannot afford a deposit yet for our flat in London, the plan is to move in during September.

But I believe things will work out, somehow. Gotta keep positive, I have two weeks...

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

SUMMERRRRRR

Exam's are over and it's summertime now.

Time to watch anime, find a job and look for a new place to live from September.

Oh, I'm re-watching Black Butler with my current flatmate, so a review will be up soon. There's so much I forgot about in the past, like Grell being 'human' in the beginning :o. I've watched it a couple of times in the past, but when it comes to good anime, there's no such thing as watching it too much. :P

I have three weeks left in my contract at my flat, so I need a job as soon as I leave this place. Expect new blogs for when I actually do something. Last year when I started this thing, I thought my life was so dramatic. Now it's practically normal... University has changed me :O I'm not going out to clubs and bars as often as I used to, but I'm not staying in doing nothing either. Just keeping busy with everyday things.

That's all for now.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Monochrome Factor

I actually watched this alone and over a longer period, but ah well.

This 24-episode anime series is full of deceit. In fact, the deceit is deceitful :O

So, there's this slacker, Akira, who must return to his school one night with classmates where they get attacked by shadow monsters. Up comes a (full of himself) stranger, who explains that the balance between light and dark is becoming unbalanced and so turns Akira into a 'Shin'. Shirogane (the stranger) then fights alongside Akira against the shadow monsters. Full of mystery, light shonen-ai themes and plenty of action, this is a definite recommendation.

Will you figure out where the lies begin and the truth ends? Let's wait and see.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Annoying

Ok, so I had to tell someone and explain to them that I am bisexual, yet mostly lesbian. He's a guy. Then his first question was "Do you find me attractive?" I'm sorry, but if I tell you that I'm a lesbian, what makes you think I'll find you attractive?

No lie. This was today.

I always find it really awkward to answer. I mean, are you stupid and will I actually hurt your feelings?
Anyway, some people are easier to tell, and they know. But the ones I'm closest to and don't suspect a thing, the ones where I think they will judge me and where I actually care what they think, they don't know.

Emily and Maya in PLL.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

I Was A Boy

Not quite...

So, I have a rare memory from when I was very young (you know how I can't remember most of my childhood?) and it's from when I must have been about three or four. It's one of my clearest memories, because I can put myself back there.
I was sitting on the floor in my second house, by the living room door. My dad was standing next to me and my mum was behind me on the sofa. For some reason I was facing the wall, away from my parents. I remember wearing black leggings, as I spread my legs and looked down below. I thought I had a penis. I also had an awkwardly placed hole in my leggings.
"Mum, am I a boy?"
I looked round to her as she replied, "Of course not. Why would you think that?"
I replied, "Because I have a willy."
I wasn't wearing underwear. I must have been at the age where my mum trusted me to dress myself but I wasn't exactly good at remembering everything I had to wear.

So yeah, I thought I was a boy when I was really young. I thought I would share this as I haven't thought about it until recently, and I'm currently trying to work out who I am. I know who I am right now, but I need to know who I used to be. If I can accept myself, I can love myself more. And that's all that matters.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

This Is Strange..

I am finding less and less people attractive. Ok, that came out wrong.

What I mean is, I still find people attractive, but I don't find myself attracted to them. Make sense?
Take, Dan Howell for example. He has the cutest dimples, he is attractive and is usually the type of guy I would like.

G Dragon. From the beginning I have felt something. It's not necessarily physical but I love the way he looks. I'm contradicting myself too much... But with both of these guys, I want to hug them. In the past, I would fantasize about what it would be like to be in a relationship with them. Now I only think of friendship. Nothing more.

Now there's this girl I like. We text all the time and she's so adorably cute. Yes I want to be with her, but I can't tell if it's physical or not. I think about her all the time, but I want to leave it a while before we go any further because I don't want to find that we're better as friends, or I don't actually have these feelings... Every relationship requires some physical attraction (a mistake I made several times in the past), but underneath that, there has to be a connection.

I think I might just be a lesbian. I've always liked girls, but I have had crushes on guys too. But recently 'guy friends' have been putting me off them, by getting too close to me. By trying to be close, it's pushing me away. Oh, and I never came out to my parents... So this could be interesting if we date.

I don't even know what this post is anymore. Just a little bit of venting I guess.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Tattoos

So, what are your views on body ink?

I personally love them, but there are a few things I would never get, such as:

• Names of partners
• Bands
• Fleeting phases
• Huge pieces.

Although I do have one tattoo (shh, don't tell my dad) which are the japanese characters for 'love' and 'luck'. I have been obsessed with japanese culture for a number of years now, and realised that as a child I preferred anime over cartoons (not that I realised at that age). My love for the japanese has only grown, and my tattoo is in a place that would not normally be seen by the way that I dress. On my ribs.

Earlier today, (instead of doing uni work) I decided to draw out my next tattoo. It's been nine or so months since my first one and I've had this idea for almost the same amount of time. Birds symbolise peace, usually, and this is my attempt at drawing a swallow. I might go to one of my friends that is good at art, and get them to draw or alter my design a little to make it look better. Swallows represent loyalty to a partner or family, the promise of coming back and unconditional love. I wanted one of the blue disney birds to copy and this was my best attempt.

I've planned everything for it, except if I want it in colour. I might just go for a little shading. I want to go back to the same parlour as my first one, unless my friends have any better places, but they have closed and moved to another building further away from me. I want it on my shoulder too, on the opposite side to my first one.

Everyone I have spoken to about it, likes it. But I just need to wait for some more funds first.

Any ideas, or comments on this?

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Don't You Get It?

Just a little rant/story of today.

So I was in university (as usual) and this guy in my lecture spoke to me between that and our seminar, and we ended up buying a smoothie down the road. He paid for it and everything, but the longer I spoke to him, the more I thought he was into me..
We got back in the building and had ten minutes to spare, so we spoke some more. He was thrilled to find out about where my family come from, and his family is from a neighboring country. Then we somehow spoke about the 'guys' I'm into. I never outright said that I'm not currently into guys (and maybe I should have), but I did mention Korea and Japan a lot. Then he invited me out for dinner Thursday. Now, I'm used to just going out for dinner with friends casually, so I agreed.

I'm pretty sure everyone knows about my love for G Dragon.

We went to our respective rooms and I later saw him on my way back from lunch. The hugged me and went to (I assume) kiss my lips but I moved so he caught my cheek. He checked that I would text him later today (whoops, I forgot until I typed that), and we left at that as he was going home, and I had work to go through.

This gets me thinking. If I say I'm *only* into East Asian Guys (exclude girls for a second), and you're half Jew/ half African, then I'm not interested.

Also, is this now a date?!

I'm so clueless about these things..

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Graveyards

Last week, I went to a graveyard to do some photography last minute to hand in for my brief.
I cried.

I found that going to a cemetery is extremely emotional, even though I did not know anyone there. I think it's the idea of death which frightens me the most. Not because I don't want to die (I have had suicidal thoughts and actions in the past), but because of the people I will leave behind. No matter what you think of yourself, there are always people out there who will mourn your death, who love you now and forever, and who will miss you loads. This is what friends and family are. Despite how annoying you are to siblings, you will still be missed.

Oh, I found this place very beautiful yet sad and upsetting at the same time. And I saw a Raven. On a tombstone. Cawing. D:

I have lost someone dear to me, as you know, and I don't want to put anyone through that. I don't want to be an emotional burden, but I also don't want anyone to rejoice that I have passed because I'm an awful person. It's hard to describe, but I'm sure you'll understand. I don't want to be hated, but loved. But I don't want my passing to put others in turmoil.

Now, I don't know where any of my family is buried, I even asked my mum after and she said that her parents had their ashes scattered. I can't even visit the grandparents that I never met. As for other family, we are spread out around the world with family all over the South of England, Canada, Africa and some of Europe. I have no way of knowing these people.

Just remember, you will always be remembered by those lives you have touched. Be remembered for the good you do, not the bad.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

I Failed

For the first time in my life, I have failed at something that I sort of cared about. I'm usually pretty lucky as I get my own way a lot, but this shocked me.

So, I applied for extenuating circumstances on one piece of coursework last semester, and handed it in a week late due to the drama and fear of living in the previous flat last November. That led to me not doing any work at all. I was given false information throughout the process, and when my results came through last Wednesday, it turns out that I got a big fat ZERO. I've never had a zero in my life, and it had to happen in my second year of university.

I am now taking an extra subject this semester, with readings for another subject. This brings me up to almost double the amount of work I usually do, and now I have to resubmit my work in August.

But I've been told that it is possible to trail one module into my third year anyway, and that I shouldn't stress too much. Now I just want to know why my request was rejected. I'm not going to let this get me down, I will find out why it was rejected the first time round, if I need to put much effort in incase the work is capped at 40% and I will get the work done again.

This is how I think, when something puts me down, I just think 'Is there a way around this hurdle?' because everything happens for a reason, right? I feel that I am destined for greater things, and no matter what gets in my way, I will achieve it. My motivation may lack sometimes, but if something is meant to be, then I will get there.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Religion vs Good People

I consider myself to be religious, yet not really religious.

I can't tell if he looks bored or judgmental? Probably neither.

I believe in God, was brought up in a Christian family and went to Catholic schools. However, I stopped going to church regularly from the age when I was allowed to stay home alone. Both my parents go to church each week, but to different denominations. My mum goes to the Salvation Army while my dad is a Pentecostal, speaking in tongues, gospel singing kind of guy.

I do not think that religious people are good. Maybe I've had a few too many run ins with religious people that I do not like. Both my parents have abused me at some point in my life, luckily not at the same time. The man who got me kicked out my house was supposedly extremely religious. Oh, and I've been called a 'bad Christian'.

I may not go to church, but I still believe. I pray for others, and sometimes for my pain to go away. I try not to be selfish, but there's only so much a human can do. I'm not perfect and I accept that. I give to charity when I can, but as a student, I am often in debt and asking my dad to help me out financially with the intention to pay him back.

I think that as long as you try to be a good person, you will go to Heaven. Religion aside. It's your intentions that count, not if you force others to believe a religion you pretend to believe in. Yes, God may be with you in every step of your life, but please, don't tell me there's someone watching over my shoulder all the time. That's just creepy.

There are too many people out there that go to church and think that's all they need to do. They do not give to charity, they do not consider others and are not nice people.
*I went to my dad's church once and they said "If you have any money with you, you must give it to the church. It's what God wants."* I mean, what if you just received a late birthday card and it had a little bit of money in it? You expect me to give you a gift that was intended for me? Heck no! They looked down on me when I emptied my pockets to prove I had no money with me at all. (Never make a ten year old feel poor for not carrying cash.)

I'm sorry, but in my eyes, forcing and pressurising others to come to your church and believe in God is not being religious. 'Love thy neighbour', surely as they are? Jesus didn't discriminate against the Jews for not following him, so why should we shun the non-believers?

We have so many religions, so why can't we accept that instead of implying 'Our religion is the only true religion'. No, the basic foundations are all the same. Three pillars that I forgot from Religious Studies; Charity being the only one I remember.

So can we all just try to be good people? Pretty please?

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

This Town Sucks

Sorry Crawley!!! (Not really sorry.)

To all those who know me, it is not a surprise that I absolutely hate my town with a passion. In fact, I go on about it so much.

"Where do you come from, before coming to uni?"
"Oh, just a little sucky/rubbish town near Gatwick."

I rarely say the name of my town unless I'm telling people that I'm back.

Anyway, I went into town earlier today just to buy a few tops because I didn't bring much from uni and I'm bored with my clothes. I successfully bought a pair of shoes in the sale yesterday and thought I would try my luck again. Now, I have a specific taste and am quite fussy with my clothes, so this is be taken into account.
I walked home from town with ... wait for it... a hot chocolate from Costa >.<.

Haha, my colourful wall and bedsheets ^.^

I didn't buy anything!

The shops here have barely any variety, and the numbers are slowly dwindling. We have so many 'coffee shops' that you could say "Let's go to town for some coffee, and maybe do some shopping after." Instead of "Let's go shopping and get a bite to eat after."

The town is full of clones, and the shops are the reason why. This is why online shopping is on the rise with obesity as going out shopping means finding nothing. As soon as I got home, I ordered a bag from Accessorize, which they did not have in store. Trust me, I went in every store that sold womens clothes. I went to Blue Inc before remembering that this store was mens wear only! It's nothing like Westfield and cannot wait to get back to London.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Boring Update ;3

So I finally took that exam on Wednesday (15th) and it went pretty well. Although I'm scared to look back at my notes incase I missed something and dread results day... This is what revision did to me :(

I've postposed my Christmas project from uni and finally took out some books from the library today, although I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do with them haha. It's based on Ansel Adams, thats all you need to know. If I like any of my images, I'll post them here. I have to 'carry him around with me' like a best friend. I mean, who carries their friends? :P I have two weeks left...

And I've been getting really bored with my hair lately, so I'm wearing my extensions more often. Admittedly I wear them with a hat too as I'm loving the combination. I need more hair dyes so I can change my look even more haha. (I use wash out hair dye, and at the moment I only have pink, but I found this shop that does them quite cheaply instead of having to order them online and pay delivery.)

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Happy New Year - Part 2

Happy New Year (again)!!

Do any of you have any New Years Resolutions? You know, the whole 'new year, new me' sort of thing?
How about keeping it simple 'I will be nicer to my parents'.

My half one is to take more selfies. I looked through my Instagram a couple of weeks ago, and realised that most of my stuff is boring and either food or random things that no one would find interesting at all. So I decided at that point (before Christmas), that more pictures will be of me. Hopefully it will boost my self-esteem or confidence, or something.

I haven't made a resolution for almost 10 years, (I must have been around 9, maybe younger) so let's just see how this goes. So far so good ^.^ Check my progress @carinadumfeh on Instagram ^.^

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

I Miss Home

So Christmas season is upon us, and I am yet to go home and celebrate with my family even though university is over. I miss my bedroom so much, and the past couple of months have been too eventful, (I know I said I would post everything, but I haven't revealed the full story yet) but I wanted to share a couple of images of my room with you.

 I'm almost Japanese, haha. These are the kanji for 'star', 'water' and 'love'. I know the words seem an odd combination, but these are what I was taught at a japanese festival and my first ever attempt at writing kanji. The brush strokes may be a bit off, but if I keep practicing, I should get better. And I always have my japanese friend to help me :)

This is my name in katakana. It can be written two ways, and mine is supposed to have an extra symbol to show that the 'ri' part of my name is slightly longer, so Carina becomes 'カリーナ' and the 'i' is pronounced slightly longer than in my image. I just love how japanese is written, and so I have these in my bedroom to remind me of how happy east asians always are. They're always smiling, I don't think I've ever seen one sad.

This is all for now, I may show more snippets of my room later on (when I get bored).

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x