Kiki's Delivery Service

So I recently re-watched this film, and I think it was one of the first anime films I watched after getting back into anime. I love Studio Ghibli films anyway, and this is definitely a must see.

In short, the film tells the story of a young witch (just 13 years old) who leaves home in order to better train her powers and earn a living using her talents. As you can guess, she starts a delivery service and has to deal with the differences in the human world compared to where she grew up. But one day, disaster strikes and she finds that her powers have all 'gone'. Her magical quest with her black cat and new friends try to find a way for her to get her powers back.

I really recommend this film, it's great for the family and amazing to relax to. Go watch it :)

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

P.S. I moved back in with my mother about two weeks ago, absolutely hate it. If I can find a job, things will get better, but it's not as bad as being homeless, which was my other option. I've spent my days going out on day trips to meet people (Eastbourne, Brighton, London, etc) just to get out of the house. I went to London a couple of days ago to see my friend who I watch anime with. He came with me to do some uni stuff and going shopping for a little, then sat at his to watch this film and eat :3 I randomly got chatted up on my way over, 20 minutes later and I had to give my number out so that I could escape.

Homeless?

So I went  home on Tuesday to look for jobs and see my mum... I was in the house half an hour, before the arguing started. In fact, it started when I got in after a terrible previous couple of days, plus little sleep. I shouted quite a bit, and left saying that I won't be back for summer. I basically told my mum some truths that have been bugging me for a few years.

So, with no where to to go over summer, unless I contemplate suicide living there again, I decided to contact my missing father. He's rented out his house while away, and well, he hasn't gotten back to me about his other properties yet. :( Seriously, what does being 'daddy's favourite' get you? Nothing, that's what.

I could live with a couple of friends over summer, but that makes it harder for finding a job, especially if I keep skipping cities between the south coast and the midlands. This will be a long 3/4 months of summer. My friend also cannot afford a deposit yet for our flat in London, the plan is to move in during September.

But I believe things will work out, somehow. Gotta keep positive, I have two weeks...

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

He Left

My Dad has left.

I know I haven't lived with him in ages, and he separated from my mum when I was two, but this time he's gone for good. I got a call Sunday morning from him to explain that he was about to board a plane to Ghana. A one way ticket...

My dad is throwing away the past 20-odd years, 3 girls, 2 ex-wives and a minimum of 2 houses. (I always thought he had more because he had 5 at one point.) My youngest sister is 12!! I'm not through with university, and with my funding cut next year, I don't know how I will cope without his financial support. Then there's the fact that when I'm with my mum over summer, I can't just walk round to visit him. I can't call his phone whenever I need him.

My dad didn't just leave home. He didn't just leave town. He didn't just leave the country either. He changed freaking continents... >.< Maybe I should add him back on facebook?

Annyway,
Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Graveyards

Last week, I went to a graveyard to do some photography last minute to hand in for my brief.
I cried.

I found that going to a cemetery is extremely emotional, even though I did not know anyone there. I think it's the idea of death which frightens me the most. Not because I don't want to die (I have had suicidal thoughts and actions in the past), but because of the people I will leave behind. No matter what you think of yourself, there are always people out there who will mourn your death, who love you now and forever, and who will miss you loads. This is what friends and family are. Despite how annoying you are to siblings, you will still be missed.

Oh, I found this place very beautiful yet sad and upsetting at the same time. And I saw a Raven. On a tombstone. Cawing. D:

I have lost someone dear to me, as you know, and I don't want to put anyone through that. I don't want to be an emotional burden, but I also don't want anyone to rejoice that I have passed because I'm an awful person. It's hard to describe, but I'm sure you'll understand. I don't want to be hated, but loved. But I don't want my passing to put others in turmoil.

Now, I don't know where any of my family is buried, I even asked my mum after and she said that her parents had their ashes scattered. I can't even visit the grandparents that I never met. As for other family, we are spread out around the world with family all over the South of England, Canada, Africa and some of Europe. I have no way of knowing these people.

Just remember, you will always be remembered by those lives you have touched. Be remembered for the good you do, not the bad.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Haii Haii Haii

Don't you just love today? The sun, the rain and a fun day out?

"Morning. It's morning, everyone! Today's the day! The sun is shining, the tank is clean, and we are gonna get out of... (Gasp) The tank is clean. THE TANK IS CLEAN!!"
No? Well you need to look to the bright side of things :D

A lot has happened today... So today I went to London with my brother and his new girlfriend. I officially met her for the first time and I'd say she's pretty cool, which is saying something, eh? ;)

I think I'm getting a bit big headed right now xD Blame my mood >.<

Anyway, the new girlfriend is great, my older sister is still being rude and pushy (so despite what she text me, I have now done the complete opposite. Nobody tell me what to do >:D), Iris received wonderful GCSE results (I'm so proud of her), I found out where I'm living from September, and I found one of my new flatmates on Facebook. All in all, a great day.

Worst part: I still have a terrible neck ache from being ill these last few days, and Iris is at a friend's house tonight so I can't watch anything with her.


SIDENOTE: If you decide to watch Elysium (That film that was only recently released in the UK), it's pretty damn good. Just excuse the camera work ^.^

Buh baii gorgeous people xx

(I'm going insane xD)

Family

Most people have someone in their family that they are close to, whether they live with them or not. For me, I'm close to my mum and my sister (In another blog she calls herself Iris, so I will use that name for her too). I never used to be, but now my sister and I realised that we have common interests, we go to various cities together on days out, and we sit and watch anime and japanese dramas together. My mother never used to be so understanding, but after I moved out (the first time) she realised that I wasn't going to take anymore shit from her, and she got extremely upset over it, but also noticed that I won't let people push me around. I am my own person, and nobody will stop me from being just that.

As you may or may not know, my family is a little... dysfunctional, shall we say? I had a foster sister who now lives somewhere in this country, away from us with her 'proper' family. My father left when I was two years old, long before Iris was born. I have an older half sister on my father's side living in a different country. My other older half brother and half sister live somewhere else in this town, so they weren't really around as I grew up. Then my youngest half sister lives in the south coast. That's about an hour drive away, so I only see her when she visits Dad. That's just my immediate family. I have an uncle that never spoke to my mum for the fist ten years of my life, and a little before that too. And her other brother doesn't really associate himself too often, so I now see my uncles on rare family get-togethers.

My cousins are a different story. I was really close to one of them as a young child, but she's a lot older than me, starting a family and I haven't seen her in about two years. Her two sisters barely ever spoke to me. Three cousins who I barely know anymore... Now the uncle that didn't speak to my mum for a long time? He also has two daughters, and I barely know them. All I do know is that they are pretty, have long term partners and have successful jobs. I don't see them either.

I only started thinking about this last night when a friend of mine was telling me how he and his little cousin are really close, and do almost everything together. He described them as 'like father and daughter' which I found strange and would say they are more like siblings. Then on Facebook just now, a picture came up on my timeline saying that cousins are our first childhood friends and that cousins will always be close. Unfortunately that's no the case for me. I seem to hate most of my family, and if I don't hate them, I don't feel anything for them. My uncles and cousins are more like acquaintances.

My mum has a cousin who lives to hours away from us. This is where things get positive :) She has a son and daughter, which makes us second cousins or something? Anyway, I'm pretty close to the two of them, and as we are similar in age, they only thing that stops us being so close is the distance. One of them is John, from another blog post, and in the magpie story, I named him Aaron. Even though we may not see each other regularly, when we do meet up, it's like we were never apart. Like a true family.

So as you can see, my family isn't exactly normal. But without them, I would probably be a different person.

Respect

So, I have this foster sister, and let's call her Gemma. Now Gemma is a difficult girl. She's 15 years old, but with the mind and body of a child of no more than 10. Heck my youngest sister (who doesn't live with me) is 11 and is physically and mentally more mature.

As I sit here tonight, I realise (not for the first time) that she has no respect for my mum. My mum is a lovely person, but she is getting ill with something that causes immense amounts of pain and no cure. Gemma has no respect for everything my mum has done for her. Gemma's dad left her to look after his mum in London, and my mum took her in so that she didn't need to change to a third secondary school. The nan has since passed on and the dad has no obvious intention to move back and look after her again. Social services got involved at some point and moved her to three or four foster parents, each lasting not much longer than a month, before bringing her back here. Long story short, my mum has looked after her for almost two years (with interruptions) and Gemma is a horrible child. We have changed everything about us to accommodate her, my mum has fallen out with friend's because of her behaviour, I've changed bedrooms three times, we now eat junk food (well I never did but it seems to be the only thing mum buys now because Gemma isn't healthy), I quit my job because I hated coming home to this place, and we even have to make sure someone is home all the time just in case she leaves school early (walks out during the day) or comes home randomly because we don't trust her with a key.

THE MAIN BIT.
If a person has the patience and love to take you in when no one else would or could, should you not show them some respect by behaving? Don't get me wrong, she's had a tough upbringing, but then so have a lot of us. She cries thinking that it's her fault everything is like it is (her dad says so, but he abused her so...), she screams, shouts, starts arguments for no reason, yet when I finish them, I get in trouble because I'm older, stronger and shouldn't lower myself to her level. I know I'm not perfect but I know that I've never been as bad as her.
Let's put this in perspective. This girl doesn't listen and is constantly trying to make us feel bad, to make her feel better. I came back from uni in mid-June and I have considered leaving home three times since then. THAT'S ABOUT ONCE EVERY ONE OR TWO WEEKS! I just have no where to go myself. I because depressed again after being fine for the duration of being at uni. I get stressed and really short tempered.

Now there's a meeting this week to see if she stays or goes (and if I get my dress replaced that she bleached and cut up). Fingers crossed that she goes... Or is better behaved, I don't mind either.

The Last 12 Hours... (at the time...)

I'm going to try to keep this short.. :)

This all happened about a week or two ago, on the 14th. My cousin, John*, had been staying over for the past week and my friend decided to go out in London for her birthday. I don't live in London when I'm away from uni so we decided to catch the bus, a train to London Victoria and then a tube to West Ham (where we started the night). So the first bit was all fun and dandy, just a lot of talking about the past and present, how things are different from where I live and where he lives. We left my house at 7pm.
Then we got on the underground. As soon as the doors closed behind us, there was no escape. The stench was vile, a mixture of sick and possibly urine. A strawberry blonde haired boy sat in the corner next to the door, head down and small stains of puke on the sleeves of his suit/uniform. The look of disgust from other passengers, the whispering around the carriage, the way people would cover their noses and mouths with scarfs and hands. At every passing stop, I asked John if we could change carriage, it was making me feel nauseous and we still had 11 stops to go, 10, 9, 8... He thought it was funny just watching everyone's reactions to the obvious situation. When he finally got off at a station, about 4 stops before our own, we noticed that on the inside of his trousers, was an oozing brown substance we could only imagine as the faeces.
Skip forward a few hours, arriving at my friend's house a little after 9pm, and we start drinking. Meeting up with some more friends from uni, and leave my friend's house at 11pm-ish.
Skip again to when the club closes (what happened inside is just typical and I don't want to bore you with the details) at 4am. We get outside and need to decide if we are staying in London or going back to mine. At 4.30am, we decide to make our way back to London Victoria. I get out my phone, and it takes us past Trafalgar Square, St. James' Park, Buckingham Palace, all whilst still a little drunk.
We managed to get to Victoria all in one piece, bought more tickets to get home, waited around for a loooooooooooooooong time and caught two trains to get to Gatwick Airport. I haven't been to the Airport in a long time and I usually go with my Dad who knows his way around pretty easily. John and I got lost, and circled it at least twice before finding the exit for the buses.
We eventually got home again, and I unlocked my door at 7am.

IT REALLY WAS AN EVENTFUL 12 HOURS :D


* John is not actually his name but who cares. Oh, and the most exciting things happen when John comes over.
I know I rushed the last bit but, who cares :P.

So, this one time at Band Camp...

I remember when I was really little, it was around the time my little sister was being born. I must have been younger than three and it's one of my earliest memories.

I was at the hospital, either wandering around, on my way to see my mum, or a nurse had told me to follow her. Either way my 'vision' starts with me looking up at a nurse while she hands me a little reindeer. She says something about one being for me and another for my sister. I then run off really happy carrying two little soft toys.

That's it. That's all I remember. I think about this every year on my sister's birthday, which is not long before Christmas.