Chromebook?

So, last week I bought myself a Chromebook. This is not going to be one of those reviews where I convince you to buy it now, but my own personal experience based on a few days.

Firstly, this was not bought to replace my laptop. In fact, I'm thinking of ditching it for a gaming or high powered desktop after university while staying faithful to an over 15 year relationship with Windows PCs.
I have switched from a 15.6" laptop to an 11" Chromebook to be used while on the go. That means that I find the keyboard a little small, but still workable. I would also say that the touchpad is delicate (it is way too easy to switch lines while typing by accident) and can be compared to a Macbook.

As this is my secondary 'laptop', I don't need it all the time. But dropping documents into Google Drive means that I must be connected to the internet for the files to save and simultaneously appear on both devices. Although it is great to simply connect before leaving home, then do all my work on the go without powering off and open them again when I get home to find the new versions. The battery life helps with this. With my wifi off, muted volume (I won't need sound if I'm listening to my phone on the train) and no bluetooth (seriously, who still uses that?), I have found that on 88% battery, I still have almost 12 hours left. Obviously, the more processes happening, the shorter the battery life. But that also means I won't need to charge it during the day if I make sure I have enough before leaving home. It also makes my bag lighter whilst walking around.

I have a HP version of this, bought on my university campus (they overcharge on everything and I paid £250 for it) and I have no problem with a lack of USB slots (2) and an SD card slot. I can even plug in a HDMI cable for presentations.

Lastly, as this has turned into an amateurs review, it's super cute in size. It fits snugly in my handbag, and I barely notice the weight gain.

I do like this Chromebook, but not as a primary device. It works great as something portable and light, without the pricetag of a Macbook. You also shouldn't expect too much from it, from what I can tell, it's basically a tablet with a keyboard (not detachable), a fast startup time (less than 10 seconds) and the processing power to do the things adults do most often, which is check emails, write documents and surf the internet. Depending on the brand and model, the RAM and memory will vary, but I'm sure that's nothing an external hard drive will fix. Maybe don't expect Photoshop too soon though.

Anyway, I'm travelling tomorrow so if I have anymore to add after a proper use, I'll add it at the end.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Introducing: Project Happy UK

As a follow up from my previous post, I want to share with you the first video we produced as part of Project Happy.

We currently have a blog set up, with tips on getting through uni, and dealing with stress, among many future topics we will cover in relation to mental wellbeing. You can find it at www.projecthappyuk.wordpress.com  where Sarah and Katharine post weekly on Sundays. (I used real names for once).
We also have a twitter and instagram set up, both with the usernames @projecthappyuk.
Please follow and support us, if you have any suggestions, we will be sure to look into them and see what we can do. You can email us at: projecthappyuk@gmail.com

Thank you as always.
Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Retrospect

A year ago today was the most stressful and happiest day of my life. It was the day I honestly contemplated suicide because of the situation in university halls. I couldn't take it anymore.

It was also the day the people in the office finally let me move out. The tension literally lifted from my shoulders and it was the best feeling in the world.

Now, I'm working on Project Happy with some friends, to bring a bit of that happiness that I felt, to the lives of others, if only momentarily.

A lot can happen in a year, and without the help and support from my friends and family, who knows what my life would be like right now, if it even exists. So I want to say a massive thank you to these people in particular, and send a message to you all. If someone is feeling down, do what you can to help them, you don't know if the situation is minor or major, and you really can make a difference. So please, spread the love.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

This is not a review :O

So, I know I said that I will be focusing on my studies, at least for the next few months. I seems that I lied to myself. I have found myself playing The Sims 3 and 4 on multiple occasions, watching anime and simply going out.

Sims 4

I've started four new series: Ookami Shoujo to Kuro Ouji, Trinity Seven, Cross Ange: Tenshi to Ryuu no Rondo, and Grisaia no Kajitsu. One of these is a normal length series of around 25 episodes, but you can expect the other reviews around Christmas (I guess that's when they end).

Cross Ange

Not only have I been watching anime, but Grimm, The Big Bang Theory, The Simpsons, American Horror Story and Marvel's Agents of SHIELD are also back on TV. Well, I don't have a TV but Netflix and Amazon are quite useful here. If I can't find them there, there are always Google Searches.

That's all for a quick update from me.
Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Tokyo ESP

Ok, so it's taken me a while to watch the last two episodes and write this up.

The first episode is confusing, it shows a city in utter chaos, and the citizens only hope has been locked up due to some law. The second episode starts the story from the beginning, explaining many aspects, good and bad, leading up to the destruction of the town. Somewhere near the end of the series, you realise where the first episode roughly slots in.

There were parts that made me gasp, some where I cringed, and others that almost brought happy tears to my eyes. However, it isn't as interesting as some series that I have watched. In my sister's words, 'We've set a high standard for anime early on, so watching good anime isn't as amazing as others e have watched.' I think she sums it up quite well, we started off with recommendations of series that people have absolutely loved, and then expected all anime to be that good. In truth, not everything is, and it is obvious which ones I like the most by the way I write the review.

If you enjoy watching dark anime such as Tokyo Ghoul, this is great. The themes vary but the storyline stays on track, which is damn helpful.

I'm sorry I've gotten worse at writing these reviews, but you can see why. This was a good series, but not a mindblowingly amazing series. I realised when I moved address and didn't feel like I was missing the series because I didn't have internet for a week. It's something to pass the time, but not something to obsess over.

This is just my opinion, and I may be less interested because my university life has gotten hectic and I'm prioritising my work over leisure. I probably won't be watching any or many series this winter, so don't expect any major posts until after Easter, when my course is drawing to an end.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Apologies

So I haven't posted in almost a month, and I'm wondering what I have done in that time.

I didn't get that job I wanted, but I'm not down about it. It just wasn't meant to be. Everything happens for a reason, so hopefully I will get one in London when I eventually find somewhere to live and move back.

Family trip to Arundel. So many arguments, not even worth remembering.

I started some more anime series, so I will review them when I finish with each one. They're being aired weekly so you will have to wait for them.

Many trips to London to see my friend. Involves lots of gaming and cuddles :)

BRIGHTON!!! Just for the evening with some friends...

Junk food. My mum doesn't eat as healthily as I do because food tastes crap around here, so now I'm gaining weight...

eBay, where would I be without you? I just bought some shoes for about £10, and the RRP was £75. I'm so happy with that. :3

So I've basically done nothing for a month and this is why I haven't posted. Summer is stupidly long when you get to university, so make sure you have events lined up. One of my friend's went to (oh I forgot the name of the country), to volunteer and medically help children. It's a third world country, but she finds paid work really easy and could afford to do it. I didn't quite have £600 plus spending money, and then sacrifice my electronics.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Kiki's Delivery Service

So I recently re-watched this film, and I think it was one of the first anime films I watched after getting back into anime. I love Studio Ghibli films anyway, and this is definitely a must see.

In short, the film tells the story of a young witch (just 13 years old) who leaves home in order to better train her powers and earn a living using her talents. As you can guess, she starts a delivery service and has to deal with the differences in the human world compared to where she grew up. But one day, disaster strikes and she finds that her powers have all 'gone'. Her magical quest with her black cat and new friends try to find a way for her to get her powers back.

I really recommend this film, it's great for the family and amazing to relax to. Go watch it :)

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

P.S. I moved back in with my mother about two weeks ago, absolutely hate it. If I can find a job, things will get better, but it's not as bad as being homeless, which was my other option. I've spent my days going out on day trips to meet people (Eastbourne, Brighton, London, etc) just to get out of the house. I went to London a couple of days ago to see my friend who I watch anime with. He came with me to do some uni stuff and going shopping for a little, then sat at his to watch this film and eat :3 I randomly got chatted up on my way over, 20 minutes later and I had to give my number out so that I could escape.

Homeless?

So I went  home on Tuesday to look for jobs and see my mum... I was in the house half an hour, before the arguing started. In fact, it started when I got in after a terrible previous couple of days, plus little sleep. I shouted quite a bit, and left saying that I won't be back for summer. I basically told my mum some truths that have been bugging me for a few years.

So, with no where to to go over summer, unless I contemplate suicide living there again, I decided to contact my missing father. He's rented out his house while away, and well, he hasn't gotten back to me about his other properties yet. :( Seriously, what does being 'daddy's favourite' get you? Nothing, that's what.

I could live with a couple of friends over summer, but that makes it harder for finding a job, especially if I keep skipping cities between the south coast and the midlands. This will be a long 3/4 months of summer. My friend also cannot afford a deposit yet for our flat in London, the plan is to move in during September.

But I believe things will work out, somehow. Gotta keep positive, I have two weeks...

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Exams and Deadlines

Coursework

I'm terrible. I have so much work to do now that I haven't even had time to watch anime, review it or generally blog. It's the time of the year where I'm extremely busy but not doing anything interesting.

Coursework rubbish.

I will keep you updated when I'm free again. I have a final exam on the 20th but after that I'm free so I should be able to write more.

Haii, I got bored :P

I love you all for reading this, truly.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

I Failed

For the first time in my life, I have failed at something that I sort of cared about. I'm usually pretty lucky as I get my own way a lot, but this shocked me.

So, I applied for extenuating circumstances on one piece of coursework last semester, and handed it in a week late due to the drama and fear of living in the previous flat last November. That led to me not doing any work at all. I was given false information throughout the process, and when my results came through last Wednesday, it turns out that I got a big fat ZERO. I've never had a zero in my life, and it had to happen in my second year of university.

I am now taking an extra subject this semester, with readings for another subject. This brings me up to almost double the amount of work I usually do, and now I have to resubmit my work in August.

But I've been told that it is possible to trail one module into my third year anyway, and that I shouldn't stress too much. Now I just want to know why my request was rejected. I'm not going to let this get me down, I will find out why it was rejected the first time round, if I need to put much effort in incase the work is capped at 40% and I will get the work done again.

This is how I think, when something puts me down, I just think 'Is there a way around this hurdle?' because everything happens for a reason, right? I feel that I am destined for greater things, and no matter what gets in my way, I will achieve it. My motivation may lack sometimes, but if something is meant to be, then I will get there.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Sometimes.. I hate being a girl.

To all the girls out there, do you get this too?

When mother nature gives you your monthly gift, do you feel this bad or even worse?

• So this morning, as I was in the shower, I almost passed out and had to sit on the floor for a little while, and as I was washing my hair, I had to stop and sit down with my bathroom door open to cool down.
• I then had to open my bedroom window and lay down in bed, before managing to put anything other than a towel on.
• I sleep, like all day. I physically cannot do anything more than microwave a previously cooked meal and just sit or lay down all day.
• Cramps put me off having children, if period cramps are this severe that I almost pass out, how will I give birth?
• I don't like taking medication much, so I try other ways to soothe myself.
• Eating is too strenuous. I have two bites of breakfast, drink some water then fall asleep.
• The furthest I can walk is from my bed to my door, luckily at university I have an en-suite.
• Going to the kitchen is a milestone I have to pass every few hours to re-fill a water bottle and have dinner.
• You know how cramps are always there, but sometimes they come on stronger suddenly? I breathe as if I am in labour because it hurts too much as I double over in pain.

All this makes me wish that I was back home just for this part of the month so that my mum can look after me and my dog will comfort me. The only revision I can manage today is to listen to the recordings of my lectures on repeat, even as I doze off.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Happy New Year - Part 1

Ok, so I'm a little late.

So I went to Waterloo, London, to watch the fireworks this/last year with my foster sister. You know, the ones they show on TV from London. They were absolutely beautiful.

 Apologies, I wasn't really concentrating on taking focused pictures because I was watching the display more, so most of my images are useless.

 I was pretty close to the front ^.^ but that did mean that the tree on the other side of the barrier got in the way. I think there were only about 'five rows' of people in front of us.

 ^ This has got to be my favourite image out of all of them.

 It did start raining about ten minutes before the display started, so loads of people took their umbrellas out, only for me to have my view obstructed. Being typically British, it was also really windy so a load of umbrellas were tuned inside out or became broken by the end of the night.

  It was supposed to be a multi-sensory display, with strawberry mist, orange bubbles and banana flavoured confetti. Unfortunately, it was very rainy, windy and cold so they either; cancelled this part of the show, I didn't smell or taste anything due to the weather, or I left too early. I left at 00.15am. I got home (East London) at half past three!

To Borris Johnson (if you ever read this), thank you for a spectacular New Year's show, but please allow locals (my foster sister) to get home more easily when they only live ten minutes away, instead of sending us on an hour and five minutes detour.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

I hate this

The stress is just too much now. I know I haven't explained anything really on here, but I am seriously considering dropping out of uni, retaking the year or ending my life.

I swore, after Aaron's death just over 2 years ago, that I would never let myself get that depressed again. This past month and a bit has thrown me into a downward spiral of despair, I don't know what to do. I have cried more times each week since September, than I have in the past few years. I almost self-harmed again, I panic when I see 'resemblances' of her, walk the long way home just so I can't be seen from my flat and dread going home. I barely even eat in my flat anymore. I don't go in my kitchen if I know or think someone else is in there too.

My housing office will not let me move out, I have no time to catch up and get my work in on time, and I'm just panicking now. My deadline for this essay is four days, and I've barely started it... Obviously will be handed in either unfinished, at a rubbish standard or not at all.

It has gotten to the point where BOTH my parents are working TOGETHER the help me sort this. And if you have divorced parents, you know how rare this actually is.

So, I just collapsed on my bed and cried for the past 20 minutes, and I must say, despite having so many people backing me up, all I want is a hug and I feel like I have no one to contact at midnight... My family all live over an hour away by car, and longer by public transport, any friends that I may visit or come here will not be able to get back home and the two people I am close to (distance), I have been there too much and feel like I'm bugging them as they have the same deadlines as me and have gone through something similar but worse recently.

I will now leave this depressing post to be forever lost in cyber space.

Hypocrites / Pet Peeves

Don't you hate it when someone says 'I really like someone with.....' And then they date the opposite? I do that :/

My friend just posted on Twitter that he likes girls with an ass. His girlfriend is a stick...

So... 20 Things I hate about people... :

1. People that text/message you first then take forever to reply.
2. Having different personalities when they talk to different people (going from something to quiet is fine though), I mean being really girly with some friends, then acting like a tomboy/rebel with others.
3. Having bare feet, especially around me.
4. Ditching you to live alone but ending up living with other people. Just tell me the fricking truth. >.<
5. Smokers.
6. Druggies.
7. People with no self respect.
8. Assuming people's sexuality (yes we all do it, but explicitly mentioning it in a conversation like "as a girl, what do you look for in a guy?" [or girl]).
9. Music too loud when I want to sleep.
10. Being inconsiderate.
11. 'Fake' people.
12. PDA! (Public Displays of Affection.)
13. Hating someone before knowing them.
14. Hating on a stereotype (gays).
15. Rudeness.
16. Making up things about their past.
17. Criminals. 
18. Too much make-up.
19. Grammatically incorrect, all the time. (How did you get into university?)
20. Overly egotistic. 

University #3

So things have changed oh so quickly here already, and I only arrived a week ago today. My flatmates are rarely seen anymore, they just stay in their rooms all day. I know I go out without them, so I'm not saying that I'm not the problem too. It's just that I've been in my room sleeping and watching random things online, one girl is sleeping all the time (she said she caught whatever I have wrong with me :/), I have no idea what the other two girls are doing, I see them for about five minutes a day. Both guys are doing work, I think. I haven't seen one in two days, and the other is watching anime and drawing (Twitter).

I hope we get closer as a flat, I barely know what is going on most of the time, and I hope we don't just do our work all the time. It's all boring. No one is socialising much, so we are not getting to know each other. I understand that two of us are a little ill, but that doesn't mean that things should have an awkward silence in the kitchen.

I'll just leave you with this picture that always makes me happy.

University #2

I think I managed to get the Freshers' Flu, which sucks. According to my mum I got it last year as well, but she thinks it's because of the change of area, and my body doesn't know how to cope with a higher quantity of things I'm allergic to.

This is my first sober day of the week (yesterday doesn't count because I was hungover), and friends and flatmates still want to do something tonight. I feel dead... I have gone out too much, making up for all those lost days during Summer. :)

We had a cross dressing dare in spin the bottle, and I must say that the guys don't look too bad xD Not as good as Koreans, but on the way.

 

Requested - Vlogging

So my friend has just started vlogging and she sent me this video through twitter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UB7tbzxA7k

I've known her pretty much all my life, and she's wonderful, truly funny and down to earth. So please check it out.

I'll pay you with cookies :)

Mainstream Shizz

I want to start off by saying that I am in no way a hipster, no matter what my friends think.

I've just gotten so used to not being a part of the majority that following the crowd has become a turn off.. I always felt like an outsider as a child, first because I'm half African and half white British, and second, I never felt like I belonged. In my first school, no one was mixed race. They were either white, black or Asian. I wasn't 'one of them'.

My friends always seemed to have happy, perfect lives. Both parents working, siblings they got along with and all the toys they wanted. Me on the other hand, my parents divorced by the time I was four. My mum couldn't work because she wanted to be there for me and my sister, and with no family that really liked my mum, she had to struggle on her own. I would always argue with my sister, which led to arguments with my mum, most of them resulting with the line "Why don't you go and live with your father!". Because my mum wasn't working, she couldn't afford the toys my friends got, cable/satellite TV or nice stuff in general. So I wasn't like everyone else to start with.

Secondary school definitely pulled me apart. People would wonder why I didn't act more 'black', why I was quiet, why I was me. I was scared to come out of my shell and show what I really liked. I got into anime and manga but was criticized for it. There was this one girl who thought I was copying her and tried to make me hate myself. I might have mentioned her before, I actually hated going into school. The last year was actually my worst year. I loved Kpop music for the first time, but I was called strange and uncool.

I turned to my sister earlier and said that "Kpop is becoming too mainstream... I don't like it." 

University is like a whole other life for me. When I'm there, I am truly myself. I'm not scared of the judgement, the looks and stares. I re-invented myself, as the confident me. That worked for about a week. Now I'm halfway between that and how I was before. Sure some people aren't open to the fact that I like different things, but I don't care anymore. I am myself and I could never be happier.

I don't just listen to 'mainstream music', I listen to anything I like the tune or beat to. I like The Midnight Beast, The Lonely Island, and The Band Perry. This is where I don't follow suit; Simple Plan, Mika, Evanescence, Fun, Taylor Swift, Eminem, Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, Lindsey Stirling, Big Bang, Nu'est, 2NE1, to name a few of my favourites. Yeah most of these are mainstream artists, but I don't check the Top 40 or anything, I just download the albums and any singles I like.

On the other hand, I also don't follow fashion. Like every girl, I update my wardrobe whenever I can, and buy what's in stores but my collection is quite small because I am so fussy. I get fed up quickly and my style is sometimes called; punky, quirky, cute, different, tomboy-ish, bright. It all depends on my mood.

IT'S ALL ABOUT BEING YOURSELF, AS LONG AS YOU ARE HAPPY IN YOUR OWN SKIN, WHO CARES WHAT THE WORLD THINKS! As long as you don't do anything illegal, or dangerous to others, it's all cool.

Prejudice

Now I want to go back in time to last September, when I met my flat mates for the first time. I was terrified  and hungry (typical for me) and hadn't met anyone yet on the second day. I walked into the kitchen and everyone was there, they were so loud. >.<

I come from a pretty quiet house, despite everything that goes on, my family will stay away from each other or just talk quietly. The only time we are loud is during an argument, even when my mum tried to break my arm, she was quiet enough not to wake my sister in the same room.

So imagine my horror when I found everyone talking really loudly, laughing and discussing parties. I was fine with all that, I swear, but the sheer volume of them scared me. Sure I may love to watch anime, read, watch films in my room like every other hermit out there, but I also love to party as much as every other girl my age. Getting dressed up, drinking, and having a tonne of fun with my friends. I'm actually pretty normal, despite what I claim.

I found out a few months later that my whole flat thought I would be a boring bookworm. They didn't know that I go out a lot, or that I gave up pole-dancing before going to uni, and as a child I played loads of sports. When they found out, it shone a whole new light on me, as if I suddenly became a different person. Just because I wear glasses and had a shirt on that day (originally undone over a vest but I got cold and buttoned it up), it doesn't mean I am that kind of person.

It really bugs me when people judge others before getting to know them, and I know that I do it too, but we should give people a chance before blowing them off. I hated this one girl at first because I thought she liked the same guy as me, but now we're really close and I regret how I felt at first. People are surprising and if we just take the time to get to know someone, then we might end up staying friends for the rest of our lives.

So what I'm saying is that you shouldn't judge someone on the way they look, or because they drink when they go out. Just because they smoke weed (I have never done drugs and I'm completely against it for my own reasons but I won't bully you to stop. Although smoking is really bad and you should give that up :) If not, it's your own health you're damaging), or go pole-dancing, or play sports, or are gay/lesbian, or just don't behave in the same way as you. No one is perfect and the sooner people accept this, the easier it will be to make friends and enjoy life.

Portfolio and Results

So, as any of you that have read my other blogs know (which were purely for coursework reasons), I study photography at university. Although the course is not what I expected, and that I dislike one of my modules, my results were not too bad. I mean, if I exclude that one anomaly, I would have finished with a much higher grade. Unfortunately I got a 2.2 for my first year, even though some of my work was just 2 or 3 marks off a 1st.

Hopefully next year will be better as I have added a minor subject (extra work), and it will not all be so repetitive. If I still do not like photography as a subject, I will just end up doing it as a hobby and will concentrate on something academic, by possibly restarting university all together.

Anyway, I thought I should share some of my work (ones without people because I have no model release forms..) just to see if my work is as rubbish as my lecturer says, or if it is better than she thinks.

Greed

Lust

Envy

Sloth

^ These were part of a small project on the seven deadly sins where I aimed to use just fruit and vegetables, most of this series are shown here. The rest of the images below are from random projects over the years.

Parliament

Peek-a-boo!

Romance

Shells

Skull

Strawberries

Skull and Shells