Apologies

So I haven't posted in almost a month, and I'm wondering what I have done in that time.

I didn't get that job I wanted, but I'm not down about it. It just wasn't meant to be. Everything happens for a reason, so hopefully I will get one in London when I eventually find somewhere to live and move back.

Family trip to Arundel. So many arguments, not even worth remembering.

I started some more anime series, so I will review them when I finish with each one. They're being aired weekly so you will have to wait for them.

Many trips to London to see my friend. Involves lots of gaming and cuddles :)

BRIGHTON!!! Just for the evening with some friends...

Junk food. My mum doesn't eat as healthily as I do because food tastes crap around here, so now I'm gaining weight...

eBay, where would I be without you? I just bought some shoes for about £10, and the RRP was £75. I'm so happy with that. :3

So I've basically done nothing for a month and this is why I haven't posted. Summer is stupidly long when you get to university, so make sure you have events lined up. One of my friend's went to (oh I forgot the name of the country), to volunteer and medically help children. It's a third world country, but she finds paid work really easy and could afford to do it. I didn't quite have £600 plus spending money, and then sacrifice my electronics.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Sorry, Not Sorry

Well, I am...

I have so much coursework to do that I don't even have a life anymore. :(
The only people I see are those in my flat, I barely talk to anyone online. I'm not even texting the girl as much anymore. My life sucks, and it's going to stay like this until the end of May.

Once my coursework and exams are over, I will be back to almost daily blogging. :3 Lucky you, haha.
But seriously, 1 sketch book, 2 essays, 1 exam and a group presentation. Less than a month to do all but the exam. I am screwed.

But it's not all doom and gloom. My flatmate is being extremely lovely to me, we watch anime together each night and act like a couple in private. ;3 But it's staying secret, so shhhh. ;) Our other flatmates don't seem to know yet, or they just haven't brought it up. This is bliss. Although I feel like my emotions are cheating on each other :( I'm getting these feelings for my flatmate but I still like the girl I was talking to (we both have loads of work to do and can't even Skype at the moment). I'm technically single but I still feel awful about it...

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

P.S As of two days ago, I have been blogging for a year :3 I was going to do something big for it, buuut... stuff happens.

APRIL FOOLS!!

Ok, so I have started writing this post at midnight. Exactly on midnight.

1st April. April Fool's Day. Have any plans? I never do.

Back in my school days, my friend had this idea to cut out little fish and stick them on people or put them in belongings. It came from our French teacher saying this is what happens in France, so our friendship group joined in this foreign tradition.

Then there was the time my friend told her mum that she was pregnant. Her mum's reply was "Hahaha, no one would touch you." BUUUURRRRRRNN!

Anyway, I can't think of any more pranks, my memory is terrible and I'm kind of lame. :P

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Love vs Lust

The age old question, am I in love, or is this lust?

What is love?
Love is unconditional, it is a mutual caring and protectiveness over another person. It can not be easily broken, and there will always be 'something' there even if you don't see each other anymore.
The film Frozen depicted it really well with Anna's True Love being her sister. This is love. Think about family love.

What is lust?
Lust is that tingly feeling you get when you see someone. It's the flirting, the kissing and the sex. Lust is physical more than emotional. It's exciting and makes you feel amazing, but can sometimes be short lived. Think more about the beginning of a relationship.

These definitions are in my opinion, not factual. I'm not saying that love and lust are completely different, because they are usually found together in a relationship.

I am constantly questioning if I actually love someone or not. So I meet this person, feel all tingly inside, want to be with them all the time, have so much care and emotion for them, but realise later that it wasn't love. Or not the love that I thought it could be.

I love people so much, and I can say it freely to my friends, but as soon as I met a potential partner, my lips stay sealed. I really do love everyone, until they give me a reason not to. My emotions run strong, really strong and it takes me forever to figure them out, but when I do, you'll know for sure. But I don'y want to say that I love someone, if I actually lust over them.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

LOVE

I guess this blog is sort of a dedication to the second and last person I ever loved.

I was with my first boyfriend on and off (mostly off) for almost two years, from age 14 (I'll call him Scott). We sort of drifted apart after finishing school at 16 (Bonus of living in England, we can chose to leave school at 16. I chose to stay on xD) and only exchange birthday wishes through Facebook now.

Anyway, secondly there was Aaron*. I met him shortly after turning 15, well, I met him through his sister that I had only met days earlier. The three of us became quick friends and spent loads of time together. We met up that summer (as they did not live that close) and were practically inseparable, chatting all night long online.

*Sorry, I can't remember him without tears coming to my eyes*

I fell for him, but I could never admit that to him. I was scared of ruining what we had, yet we told each other practically everything else. Aaron was two years older than me, and apparently had a girlfriend that I never met but he was always with me and his sister. I didn't quite understand. Anyway, that year, he had an accident. He was knocked over by a car and hospitalised. I was in so much shock that I couldn't even reply when I got the text. I just sat in my room crying. That's when I knew that my feelings were really strong, but I was put off by knowing he had someone else.

Our friendship was brief, now that I think about it. I had a lot going on at home, and he and his sister had moved even further away due to family issues. I didn't press for details, I knew that if he would tell anyone, it would be me. 15th June 2011, Aaron sadly passed away. I was 17. He was such a huge part of my  life, that I didn't know what to do after he went. The shock was immense and the pain still haunts me. Around his two year anniversary, I cried and cried. It was terrible.

My memories do not serve me well, ever. I don't remember being with Scott and falling for Aaron at the same time. The parts that give me pin points in time are: he was knocked down by a car around the time of my GCSE's (I finished them in 2010), and he died two months before I moved house (August 2011). I knew he was ill, but he wouldn't let pain get him down. He suffered in silence, always wearing that smile on his face. I sunk into my deepest depression pit to date.

Anyway... If anyone needs me, I'll post some contact details later. Or just leave me a comment :3

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Coming Out / Life Lessons #5 ?

I really admire gay/bisexual/lesbians that have come out to their parents. I know I would never have the courage. It's a really big deal, and I wish I was as brave as them.

Think about the biggest secret you have, knowing that the one person you want to tell, is completely opposed to it. Some people are really lucky, with parents that will still love you no matter what.

I'm bisexual, and most of my childhood friends don't know. My family certainly think I'm 100% straight. The truth is, I have always had crushes on girls. From as long as I remember. I have no problem telling people that don't really know me, because then it's not really a shock to them. After my recent break-up, I've been turned off from guys. From the two men I have slept with my whole life (there's actually three but the last one is not counted for these purposes), both have forced me to sleep with them in some way. That is technically rape. I believe that I'm becoming less straight, but I don't know what to do...

I don't want people to make the same mistakes as me, being forced into something because they haven't got the guts to say no, because no isn't in the other person's vocabulary.

I don't think I will ever tell my parents, my dad is a strict (black) Christian, and would probably murder me if he found out, and my mum is really old fashioned and doesn't agree with gay people in any way, but she will accept them in a way. She say's she just doesn't want to know about them :/ Either way, it doesn't look good if I tell them...

Flirting

"I don't know how to flirt!"

Well, that's what I say when I'm told to flirt. Told to flirt?! Well flirting is something that happens naturally, not something to force. I've been told that I'm a natural flirt, which honestly, isn't a good thing to me. I get all kinds of unwanted attention. Heck, I had to say I had a girlfriend to get a guy away from me in a club...

Anyway, my point is that some people are genuinely nice people, but their kindness is often mistaken for flirting. And for others, they try so hard to flirt that they actually turn people away.

A word of advice, be yourself. There's not point trying to impress someone if you look completely fake.

Well, I don't really have any advice, just my opinions... >.<

Sayy Whatt!!

So, I was talking to someone I met through a friend on Facebook and he said "You and your boyfriend are cute together".

We met in a club for a mutual friend's birthday, and I took my cousin with me because he had come to stay with me for the week.

He thought my cousin was my boyfriend...!
And we make a cute couple...!
I have no boyfriend...


THAT IS ALL.