Too Small To Model, Yet Taller Than My Friends

Just what the title says.

I was working on Saturday and someone came up to me asking if I model. When I said 'No', he asked if I had ever modelled. My positive reply led to a disagreement over how I should/shouldn't consider myself a model. Apparently I have the face a figure for it. One little problem, I'm not very tall.

When I was measured at the doctors, I was said to be 5'4. I always thought I was an inch or two taller than that, but this is still short in terms of modelling. Most agencies require you to be 5'8 without shoes.

Also, like most girls around the Western world, I do not consider myself to be thin. I know that I am not fat as UK size 10 clothes are a little big on me now (need to do some major shopping), but I find my abs are getting strong enough to fade the hourglass figure I was once so proud of.

'Baggy' skinny jeans... Friend's house.

I know, I know, I have big hair. Now, when I see myself, I don't see what everyone else sees.
Models are 1) incredibly tall, and 2) incredibly thin. I love my food. I'm even eating as I type this. I eat quite healthily but every so often,, I binge on junk food... If I work out, I make sure to eat even more. Imagine me, trying to be one to them.. no thank you. I'M HAPPY BEING AVERAGE (for once).

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Dungarees!!

These have to make a comeback this season. I mean, who doesn't love them?

So I bought a pair in the Christmas sales in New Look, and I've noticed that they still have styles in store at full price. I've been addicted to dungarees for years, I have always loved them.
Some guy stopped me in the street yesterday, just to say that he loved them. We just chatted about how they should make a comeback this season, and wondered if they would suit him.

Like the first image.

This season, when the sun comes out with some warmth, I'm going to be wearing my dungarees rolled up a little, with a crop top. And white Converse of course. I adore my Converse, so if I can find an outfit that goes with them, I will wear it.

Oh, full length dungarees of course, the short ones just look like playsuit imitations... But dungarees can be worn in many different ways to show cute sides, and tomboy ones. It's all in the accessories and other clothing you choose.

I don't think I should ever do a fashion blog...

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

P.S. If you find some skinny jean style dungarees, let me know because I really want some. Especially the high waisted ones. <3

Happy New Year - Part 2

Happy New Year (again)!!

Do any of you have any New Years Resolutions? You know, the whole 'new year, new me' sort of thing?
How about keeping it simple 'I will be nicer to my parents'.

My half one is to take more selfies. I looked through my Instagram a couple of weeks ago, and realised that most of my stuff is boring and either food or random things that no one would find interesting at all. So I decided at that point (before Christmas), that more pictures will be of me. Hopefully it will boost my self-esteem or confidence, or something.

I haven't made a resolution for almost 10 years, (I must have been around 9, maybe younger) so let's just see how this goes. So far so good ^.^ Check my progress @carinadumfeh on Instagram ^.^

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

R.I.P Mandela

Nelson Mandela was a truly inspirational person, he brought freedom and equality to South Africa.

I know that he did not live in my country.
I do not know if he even had any influence on my life.
I do know that so many people around the world have huge amounts of respect for him.
I may learn very little in history class, but I wish I had learned more about this man. Just his death being 'Breaking News' shows how much love everyone had for him. Unconditional love and respect for a person who they may not have ever met in their lives. And that is what makes a great person.

If people can love you, and support you even in prison, then you will be great. Use your time and choose your words carefully, be true to yourself and do not seek revenge on those who torture you. Forgive but never forget, as the past defines who you are.

Being reminded how kindhearted some people can be, and also reminded of what this man had gone through and never lost faith in people shows how everyone can be strong and good, no matter what happens in life.

Now go out and live your beautiful lives, because Nelson Mandela would want you to be the best you can be.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

(I might start signing off like this from now on)

Coming Out / Life Lessons #5 ?

I really admire gay/bisexual/lesbians that have come out to their parents. I know I would never have the courage. It's a really big deal, and I wish I was as brave as them.

Think about the biggest secret you have, knowing that the one person you want to tell, is completely opposed to it. Some people are really lucky, with parents that will still love you no matter what.

I'm bisexual, and most of my childhood friends don't know. My family certainly think I'm 100% straight. The truth is, I have always had crushes on girls. From as long as I remember. I have no problem telling people that don't really know me, because then it's not really a shock to them. After my recent break-up, I've been turned off from guys. From the two men I have slept with my whole life (there's actually three but the last one is not counted for these purposes), both have forced me to sleep with them in some way. That is technically rape. I believe that I'm becoming less straight, but I don't know what to do...

I don't want people to make the same mistakes as me, being forced into something because they haven't got the guts to say no, because no isn't in the other person's vocabulary.

I don't think I will ever tell my parents, my dad is a strict (black) Christian, and would probably murder me if he found out, and my mum is really old fashioned and doesn't agree with gay people in any way, but she will accept them in a way. She say's she just doesn't want to know about them :/ Either way, it doesn't look good if I tell them...

Life Lessons #1

I want to start a series of posts about advice I would give to others, based on events that have happened to me. These will be numbered in order, but I will have other posts scattered among these.

#1 Don't let anyone take advantage of you! Virginity.

You need to have complete respect for yourself, so that others will respect you too. Don't go giving up your virginity because "you should" due to your age or relationship status. Your body is beautiful, and only the right person should get to see it fully. Stand up for yourself, nobody should be able to tell you what to do (except your parents), you are your own person.

If you respect your body, then others will notice and also respect it. Don't sell yourself cheap, you are priceless, too expensive for money and should be bought with love. Not lust (which is easily confused), not money, not bribery, not even diamonds...etc. You get the picture.

If you're not 100% sure you want to have sex, then DON'T! You'll regret it later....

Be Positive

Everyone has their ups and downs, this is completely normal, but it bugs me when people are always down.

I know what its like to be depressed, and to know what it feels like being close to someone who is depressed. It's not nice knowing that someone is suffering and there's nothing you can do about it. I think I am or was bi-polar at some point in my life. For 3 years I knew when I had my up months, and my down ones which always followed shortly after. I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

But it will be easier on everyone if we thought about the upside to the majority of life events. Obviously, there are times when being sad is completely acceptable and expected. Heres some examples:

• To get over a breakup, I think about all the things I found annoying or hated about the other person. It helped me get through a lot, but there were some relationships where I couldn't think of something until weeks later. Being single has its positives, as with everything in life. (I'll write some posts on single and coupled life.)

• When I feel down (as I've mentioned before), I now listen to happy music. I have a playlist for times like this too, like childhood music, upbeat songs and musicians that make me smile. I found that depressing and angry music make me feel better, but happy music did this so much quicker.

• If my family say or do something to make me upset, I shut myself in my room. But then I think about what life would be like without them. Who would have taught me to ride a bike? Could I manage living alone (yes) or without that person in my life? (no) How would I feel if they actually died? 

• If someone gets angry with you, just laugh. My foster sister attacked me once, and I proud that I didn't retaliate, but I laughed in her face. The way she clawed up her hands to scratch my face reminded me of an animal. The look in her eyes, the pure hatred and anger, I wasn't scared, so I laughed. Probably not the best idea I've ever had...

• When I got kicked out my house: at least I don't have to put up with him anymore. I didn't like the food anyway. I focused on the small things.

• No romantic relationships? I only need my friends because they're always there for me. :)

I never said this will be easy to do, and it takes practice, but you'll be a happier person. Watch the drama unfold around you, and think 'Was I really like that?' 'Gosh that's embarrassing!'

Wishful Thinking

I have spent most of my childhood, thinking of my ideal boyfriend/husband, like many girls do. Due to what had happened all around me, I also felt unworthy and ugly.

One or two years ago, I made an awful discovery. No my parents hadn't cheated, or that I have a secret long lost sister (sure, another one really wouldn't make much difference), or that I'm adopted. But because of the age I was when my parents split up and divorced, it has a NEGATIVE IMPACT on ALL MY FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS! It has been psychologically proven, and so I realised that I have no hope with having a proper family or a 'long term partner'.

Sure this hasn't stopped me dreaming of my perfect man, or the 'father of any future children', but it does mean that I no longer fully fall for another person. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, deep, deep down and rarely admit it. But I fall quickly and deeply, and never really get over the first person when I fall for another. I know it's bad, but it's just how my brain has been wired. Out there, somewhere, is the man of my dreams. the man that keeps popping up in the most random of places yet I'm sure we haven't met yet.

Be Yourself

I wouldn't really be able to describe this much better myself, and it really bugs me when people want to follow the crowds instead of being unique. I pride myself in not copying other people, I dress my own way, act my own way and choose to do things based on my morals and my personality.

"Gemma" is often telling me how she wants this 'Paul's Boutique' coat because everyone at her school has one, and she only wants certain branded clothes because of what others think. One, it makes things expensive and two, she looks like everyone else. At least if I try to find my actual sister in a crowd, I can based on her clothes or hair. If I look for Gemma, I look for the smallest black child around, not her sense of style or how she dresses.

I love Jenna Marbles, she's a great inspiration and makes some pretty funny videos like 'How to trick people into thinking you're good looking', and admittedly her older videos are the best ones. Jenna doesn't try to be someone else, and if you go past the fake tanned skin and blonde hair, you find that she isn't a bimbo, but an intelligent person with a great personality.

Just remember to:

• be creative
• be strong
• be courageous
• be ambitious
• and most importantly: be yourself

:)