Annoying

Ok, so I had to tell someone and explain to them that I am bisexual, yet mostly lesbian. He's a guy. Then his first question was "Do you find me attractive?" I'm sorry, but if I tell you that I'm a lesbian, what makes you think I'll find you attractive?

No lie. This was today.

I always find it really awkward to answer. I mean, are you stupid and will I actually hurt your feelings?
Anyway, some people are easier to tell, and they know. But the ones I'm closest to and don't suspect a thing, the ones where I think they will judge me and where I actually care what they think, they don't know.

Emily and Maya in PLL.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

Just Having an Emotional Moment

I randomly started crying tonight and took to one of my favourite social sites to post this:


It's been over two years now and I still miss him. His smile, the way he would tease me, his face. Every little thing he did for me, its all in my heart. I know this may sound stupid, and we haven't been together for almost three years, but he's still in my heart, and he's still in my mind.

Your death shocked me, it shocked all of us. I fell into a deep pit of despair, I even tried to take my own life a couple of times, and I harmed myself. I know I promised that I wouldn't do it anymore, and you helped me. But after you died, I was helpless.

I've never felt the way I did about you, before or after you. And I know from the bottom of my broken heart, that I truly loved you. I still do Aaron. I thought I had managed to move on, but tonight I realise how wrong I was.

I will always love you.... R.I.P x

Wishful Thinking

I have spent most of my childhood, thinking of my ideal boyfriend/husband, like many girls do. Due to what had happened all around me, I also felt unworthy and ugly.

One or two years ago, I made an awful discovery. No my parents hadn't cheated, or that I have a secret long lost sister (sure, another one really wouldn't make much difference), or that I'm adopted. But because of the age I was when my parents split up and divorced, it has a NEGATIVE IMPACT on ALL MY FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS! It has been psychologically proven, and so I realised that I have no hope with having a proper family or a 'long term partner'.

Sure this hasn't stopped me dreaming of my perfect man, or the 'father of any future children', but it does mean that I no longer fully fall for another person. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, deep, deep down and rarely admit it. But I fall quickly and deeply, and never really get over the first person when I fall for another. I know it's bad, but it's just how my brain has been wired. Out there, somewhere, is the man of my dreams. the man that keeps popping up in the most random of places yet I'm sure we haven't met yet.