Photography is Bullsh*t

I am a student photographer and I think the marking system is bullsh*t.

At my university, every course requires that you don't write your name on any piece of coursework or exam paper, except photography. This is to ensure fair marking and no favouritism. However, on the photography course, you have to write your name on everything. Not only that, but the tutors who mark your work, work very closely with you on your project and know what you're doing. So even without names, they can take a pretty good guess.

I upset some of my tutors in my first year, and I believe that I am still paying for it.

So a lesson to you all. Don't upset your tutors, EVER. Also, check before you start the uni and course that all marking is anonymous. This works in both ways, if a tutor knows you more personally and sees your  exam/coursework, they will mark you up or down accordingly. I had a criminology tutor who confirmed this in a seminar as she said "If I know a student has been working hard all semester, comes in prepared and takes part in seminars, then I mark their paper. I will mark them higher and according to how they are in class, and not just what they hand in." As you can tell, this tutor is lucky to be marking anonymously. We write our student numbers eg. '1234567' and not our names. It would be tedious for a tutor to search up every student number on the course (over 100 per module) just to find a student they like in order to mark them up.

This is why I think my course is bullsh*t. (Plus I have two days until hand-in and haven't done anything...mental problems...)

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

A Little Something / University Advice and Review

I came to university to discover who I am, to procrastinate whilst accumulating a huge debt, and to find my purpose in life. This is what I've learned over the three years:

Well, we all know I'm failing terribly at my subject. I do much better at academics (somehow, considering I have the attention span of a sieve), and hate my course. I don't know if I should pursue my current aspiration of being a social worker; to help kids in the care system. This is based loosely on the experience of having a foster sister for a few years.

The debt. Why, oh why did I pick the expensive way through life?

I can't spell. In fact it's getting so bad I'm worried that I could be dyslexic. Thank goodness for spell check!

Love life: Let's not delve into the past, but embrace the, oh so confusing, present. I have a major crush on a girl in Florida... I am sleeping with my best guy friend. He doesn't want a relationship due to having major commitment issues, but I've accidentally grown to love him. THERE, I SAID IT! I can't make my heart choose, there are issues with both of them and they each know of the other and how I feel.
Then a friend confessed her crush for me over tumblr. I mean, if she told me in first year, maybe something would have happened?
And the past is an icky place.

Sometimes, I wish I had joined Mike at MU.

Happiness: as a group project, we launched ProjectHappyUK. It's our way of spreading awareness of mental wellbeing within students, who often get stressed. We also worked in partnership with UMHAN, a charity that specialises in this. We did this by making a series of videos, holding bake sales, and giving out hugs and business cards with positive messages on them.

Unfortunately, being bipolar, I have become extremely depressed. I had a very long positive period, and so I am worried about the duration and severity of this episode. It's a shame it had to happen at the end of this project, but I should have known  it would creep up on me.

Anime is a great time waster.

Coursework should not be done in the last couple of weeks, but it will be.

Decide on a final project at the beginning, not in the middle when you have no hope of changing it. (This was due to my depression, and lack of general motivation).

Friends don't last forever. But they are always there if you want to reconnect. Also, you will become close to someone during Freshers, and barely speak to them again afterwards.

First impressions are not your only chance. Heck, I told my current lover that I'm a lesbian so that nothing would happen between us, that didn't go to plan.

Being bisexual is complicated, only for explanations. Even at university, many people don't know what it is. Then again, they confuse bipolar disorder with schizophrenia.

Love comes in many forms, and even if the words are not used, there are other ways of showing it.

You pay for damn prescriptions. No more free healthcare for you.

Depending on how you manage your money, and how much you get, your student loan will be a blessing at first, before you realise how much everything costs.

During the most stressful year of university, you will probably have to work as your loan gets cut. Well done SFE, well done. With added stress, I now have less time.

You will not party as much as you thought in your following years.

Running away seems like a good idea at first, until you realise you won't have a degree until you actually finish your course by SUBMITTING EVERYTHING! You might have to repeat your last year. (Genuinely thinking of going to Europe until after my deadlines, maybe Amsterdam or Sweden.)

You will ignore all the advice blogs out there. Even this one.

Know your housemates before you move in, because finding a new place mid-term will make you enemies, and poorer, with added stress.

Costa and Starbucks are expensive if you buy them before and during every class. Stay away or make your own to bring in. Travel mugs are really cute, convenient and cheap in comparison. (They also make quirky vases if you get unexpected flowers.)

Being healthy isn't easy, but buying ingredients instead of ready made meals will MAKE you healthier.

Graduation will be worth all the hard work and stress. And university is a lot more fun than the working world (at least the first two years are).

This was really long so I'll stop now. I seem to have moved on from what I was originally going to write, but that's just how my brain works. Oh, go follow me on tumblr now :) details in the top right.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

You know when...

...you have a really good day, and then someone does something small that ruins it completely?

Yeah, my mum (what a surprise) did just that. I had a perfectly good day going on, I got a call back from the job I really want this summer, and even though its a small thing, she kept looking at my laptop. I mean, if I wanted to show you what's on my screen, I would do.

Now, this is what makes her a hypocrite; she always told me off for being nosey as a child (I would ask lots of questions) but she went one step farther and looked round to my screen. Rude, or what?

Yes I know I have mother issues, I don't really like her as a person anymore, so I'll shut up now.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

SUMMERRRRRR

Exam's are over and it's summertime now.

Time to watch anime, find a job and look for a new place to live from September.

Oh, I'm re-watching Black Butler with my current flatmate, so a review will be up soon. There's so much I forgot about in the past, like Grell being 'human' in the beginning :o. I've watched it a couple of times in the past, but when it comes to good anime, there's no such thing as watching it too much. :P

I have three weeks left in my contract at my flat, so I need a job as soon as I leave this place. Expect new blogs for when I actually do something. Last year when I started this thing, I thought my life was so dramatic. Now it's practically normal... University has changed me :O I'm not going out to clubs and bars as often as I used to, but I'm not staying in doing nothing either. Just keeping busy with everyday things.

That's all for now.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

APRIL FOOLS!!

Ok, so I have started writing this post at midnight. Exactly on midnight.

1st April. April Fool's Day. Have any plans? I never do.

Back in my school days, my friend had this idea to cut out little fish and stick them on people or put them in belongings. It came from our French teacher saying this is what happens in France, so our friendship group joined in this foreign tradition.

Then there was the time my friend told her mum that she was pregnant. Her mum's reply was "Hahaha, no one would touch you." BUUUURRRRRRNN!

Anyway, I can't think of any more pranks, my memory is terrible and I'm kind of lame. :P

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Tattoos

So, what are your views on body ink?

I personally love them, but there are a few things I would never get, such as:

• Names of partners
• Bands
• Fleeting phases
• Huge pieces.

Although I do have one tattoo (shh, don't tell my dad) which are the japanese characters for 'love' and 'luck'. I have been obsessed with japanese culture for a number of years now, and realised that as a child I preferred anime over cartoons (not that I realised at that age). My love for the japanese has only grown, and my tattoo is in a place that would not normally be seen by the way that I dress. On my ribs.

Earlier today, (instead of doing uni work) I decided to draw out my next tattoo. It's been nine or so months since my first one and I've had this idea for almost the same amount of time. Birds symbolise peace, usually, and this is my attempt at drawing a swallow. I might go to one of my friends that is good at art, and get them to draw or alter my design a little to make it look better. Swallows represent loyalty to a partner or family, the promise of coming back and unconditional love. I wanted one of the blue disney birds to copy and this was my best attempt.

I've planned everything for it, except if I want it in colour. I might just go for a little shading. I want to go back to the same parlour as my first one, unless my friends have any better places, but they have closed and moved to another building further away from me. I want it on my shoulder too, on the opposite side to my first one.

Everyone I have spoken to about it, likes it. But I just need to wait for some more funds first.

Any ideas, or comments on this?

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Trust

Trust.
Faith.
Hope.

These are all things that we should have, but due to experiences, may become lost.

I am overly trusting, yet I don't trust anyone. This means that deep down in my heart, I find it really hard to truly trust anyone. At all. But I find it easy to trust people with simple, unimportant things. So I may appear to trust you, but I really don't.

I have faith in humanity. Well... I like to think that I do. Obviously I have times where I think we are going to stupidify ourselves to extinction, but I try to believe that people are actually nice. I have faith that things will turn out great in the end.

My hopes are similar to my faith. I hope for positive things in the world, for equality (turns out I'm a communist), and for general happiness. I hope for a lot of things, and some of my hopes/wishes come true.

What do you think? I love hearing your replies through Kik. ^.^ Carinaad.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

LOVE

I guess this blog is sort of a dedication to the second and last person I ever loved.

I was with my first boyfriend on and off (mostly off) for almost two years, from age 14 (I'll call him Scott). We sort of drifted apart after finishing school at 16 (Bonus of living in England, we can chose to leave school at 16. I chose to stay on xD) and only exchange birthday wishes through Facebook now.

Anyway, secondly there was Aaron*. I met him shortly after turning 15, well, I met him through his sister that I had only met days earlier. The three of us became quick friends and spent loads of time together. We met up that summer (as they did not live that close) and were practically inseparable, chatting all night long online.

*Sorry, I can't remember him without tears coming to my eyes*

I fell for him, but I could never admit that to him. I was scared of ruining what we had, yet we told each other practically everything else. Aaron was two years older than me, and apparently had a girlfriend that I never met but he was always with me and his sister. I didn't quite understand. Anyway, that year, he had an accident. He was knocked over by a car and hospitalised. I was in so much shock that I couldn't even reply when I got the text. I just sat in my room crying. That's when I knew that my feelings were really strong, but I was put off by knowing he had someone else.

Our friendship was brief, now that I think about it. I had a lot going on at home, and he and his sister had moved even further away due to family issues. I didn't press for details, I knew that if he would tell anyone, it would be me. 15th June 2011, Aaron sadly passed away. I was 17. He was such a huge part of my  life, that I didn't know what to do after he went. The shock was immense and the pain still haunts me. Around his two year anniversary, I cried and cried. It was terrible.

My memories do not serve me well, ever. I don't remember being with Scott and falling for Aaron at the same time. The parts that give me pin points in time are: he was knocked down by a car around the time of my GCSE's (I finished them in 2010), and he died two months before I moved house (August 2011). I knew he was ill, but he wouldn't let pain get him down. He suffered in silence, always wearing that smile on his face. I sunk into my deepest depression pit to date.

Anyway... If anyone needs me, I'll post some contact details later. Or just leave me a comment :3

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

This is AMAZING!!!

So a couple of days ago, I found this and thought that I must share it with you.

There's a Korean photographer/artist called Jee Young Lee who creates wonderful scenes from her tiny studio room.

Each scene can take up to months to create, but I'm sure you'll think the time is worth it.

What's better is that she does not use Photoshop at all with any of these photographs. That's rare these days.

There are loads more if you just Google her name. So what do you think? Is the effort worth it?

I sure think so.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

BusyBusyBusy

Hey, sorry I haven't been posting as much as I usually do, but I've been really busy. So busy that I haven't even managed to search for a job...

So I have mountains worth of coursework to complete, luckily my closest deadline is ten days away... Not that I really have much time left. I finally got one of my photoshoots done, so progress is being made, no matter how slight.  I should also be doing another shoot tomorrow, with a further one during the week.

I have been spending more time with my flatmates, and we are finally all talking again. Also we seem to be getting a little closer, although I found that the more I know about one of the girls, the less I am liking her.

I figured out why I reacted the way I did a couple of weeks ago when one girl had a prank on her. (Not sure if I mentioned the whole story, if not I'll add another post.) I realised that I really liked her. Even though she has a boyfriend, just knowing that she is also bisexual and really nice, good looking, etc. made me fall for her a little. (I really need to make up names for my flatmates.)

Let's see... Shanay, Phil, Mel, James, and Lizzy. None of these names actually make sense haha. I hope I remember these... Oh, and Mel's boyfriend can be called Luke and Lizzy's boyfriend shall now be Brian.

Iris stayed over on Thursday (shh, don't tell security) which was fun, and we went to China Town Friday before taking her home and she modelled for me on Thursday (she always models for me).

I'm trying to think what else has been going on.... If I remember, I'll post. I just know there's been a lot but it's hard for me to remember.


Oh, I was also filmed as a presenter for my friend's work, went Filipino food shopping and ate out quite a bit. I'm going to be so poor over Christmas :(

Last Saturday, we went sober clubbing in Piccadilly and I saw a YouTuber but was too scared to say I so I tweeted him :/

Requested - Vlogging

So my friend has just started vlogging and she sent me this video through twitter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UB7tbzxA7k

I've known her pretty much all my life, and she's wonderful, truly funny and down to earth. So please check it out.

I'll pay you with cookies :)

Be Positive

Everyone has their ups and downs, this is completely normal, but it bugs me when people are always down.

I know what its like to be depressed, and to know what it feels like being close to someone who is depressed. It's not nice knowing that someone is suffering and there's nothing you can do about it. I think I am or was bi-polar at some point in my life. For 3 years I knew when I had my up months, and my down ones which always followed shortly after. I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

But it will be easier on everyone if we thought about the upside to the majority of life events. Obviously, there are times when being sad is completely acceptable and expected. Heres some examples:

• To get over a breakup, I think about all the things I found annoying or hated about the other person. It helped me get through a lot, but there were some relationships where I couldn't think of something until weeks later. Being single has its positives, as with everything in life. (I'll write some posts on single and coupled life.)

• When I feel down (as I've mentioned before), I now listen to happy music. I have a playlist for times like this too, like childhood music, upbeat songs and musicians that make me smile. I found that depressing and angry music make me feel better, but happy music did this so much quicker.

• If my family say or do something to make me upset, I shut myself in my room. But then I think about what life would be like without them. Who would have taught me to ride a bike? Could I manage living alone (yes) or without that person in my life? (no) How would I feel if they actually died? 

• If someone gets angry with you, just laugh. My foster sister attacked me once, and I proud that I didn't retaliate, but I laughed in her face. The way she clawed up her hands to scratch my face reminded me of an animal. The look in her eyes, the pure hatred and anger, I wasn't scared, so I laughed. Probably not the best idea I've ever had...

• When I got kicked out my house: at least I don't have to put up with him anymore. I didn't like the food anyway. I focused on the small things.

• No romantic relationships? I only need my friends because they're always there for me. :)

I never said this will be easy to do, and it takes practice, but you'll be a happier person. Watch the drama unfold around you, and think 'Was I really like that?' 'Gosh that's embarrassing!'

Haii Haii Haii

Don't you just love today? The sun, the rain and a fun day out?

"Morning. It's morning, everyone! Today's the day! The sun is shining, the tank is clean, and we are gonna get out of... (Gasp) The tank is clean. THE TANK IS CLEAN!!"
No? Well you need to look to the bright side of things :D

A lot has happened today... So today I went to London with my brother and his new girlfriend. I officially met her for the first time and I'd say she's pretty cool, which is saying something, eh? ;)

I think I'm getting a bit big headed right now xD Blame my mood >.<

Anyway, the new girlfriend is great, my older sister is still being rude and pushy (so despite what she text me, I have now done the complete opposite. Nobody tell me what to do >:D), Iris received wonderful GCSE results (I'm so proud of her), I found out where I'm living from September, and I found one of my new flatmates on Facebook. All in all, a great day.

Worst part: I still have a terrible neck ache from being ill these last few days, and Iris is at a friend's house tonight so I can't watch anything with her.


SIDENOTE: If you decide to watch Elysium (That film that was only recently released in the UK), it's pretty damn good. Just excuse the camera work ^.^

Buh baii gorgeous people xx

(I'm going insane xD)

THE MIDNIGHT BEAST!!!

"It's the year of the beast!"

I am a huge fan of TMB. The Midnight Beast started off creating parodies of a few popular songs a few years back, most famously 'Tik Tok - Ke$ha' in which they gained radio coverage and many more fans. I found out about them, through a friend, when they still only had about 3 songs released under their name. I have their "autobiography" titled, Book At Us Now, if you can call it that. Numerous tours and a second season of their self-titled show soon to be released on E4, TMB have come a long way.

Everyone has a favourite member of any band, and mine is Dru. He raps about a depressing childhood where his dad ran away, and sometimes I feel that I can relate. He may not be hot like Ash, or quirky like Stef, but I don't care. Although if I could date one of them, it would probably be Stef, don't ask :)

Check them out on Youtube and give them a chance. I'm not sure exactly where they perform but they do often go to both London and Brighton, and I am fortunate enough to live between both cities. :) Ticket prices are not expensive and don't take them seriously. They're music is sold under comedy, after all.

Wishful Thinking

I have spent most of my childhood, thinking of my ideal boyfriend/husband, like many girls do. Due to what had happened all around me, I also felt unworthy and ugly.

One or two years ago, I made an awful discovery. No my parents hadn't cheated, or that I have a secret long lost sister (sure, another one really wouldn't make much difference), or that I'm adopted. But because of the age I was when my parents split up and divorced, it has a NEGATIVE IMPACT on ALL MY FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS! It has been psychologically proven, and so I realised that I have no hope with having a proper family or a 'long term partner'.

Sure this hasn't stopped me dreaming of my perfect man, or the 'father of any future children', but it does mean that I no longer fully fall for another person. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, deep, deep down and rarely admit it. But I fall quickly and deeply, and never really get over the first person when I fall for another. I know it's bad, but it's just how my brain has been wired. Out there, somewhere, is the man of my dreams. the man that keeps popping up in the most random of places yet I'm sure we haven't met yet.

Random Story

So I'm thinking of writing a new short story (I know, it's been forever) but I want to know if the idea had been done too many times before?

Just check out my first few paragraphs and let me know what you think?

Sorcha looked over Katie Mallory’s unconscious body, unable to do anything. The bruise from her father’s punch was slowly forming over her left eye, the blood from her nose was quickly drying, and yet, the girl looked at peace.  Katie’s mother was crying softly in the room above where her daughter lay, tidying her bedroom in a drastic attempt to calm herself. Her father stared at his own fist, still curled up in anger, after finding his daughter was not his little girl anymore. Sorcha wished that Katie had taken another path in life, one not so damaging to her emotional state.

Sorcha vanished in the blink of an eye, not that anyone in the room had noticed. She ran down the romanesque corridors to the head office. Images of happy children covered the walls, much like a child’s bedroom, an inspiration to all. She tapped on the door at the far end of the corridor, waiting impatiently and catching her breath. The door slowly opened after a few stretched seconds, feeling like an eternity to Sorcha. She walked into the office many fear, the stone desk littered with paperwork, two feather quills resting in an ink pot next to some blotting paper. The rich red carpet lined the floor, the marble fireplace burning a magnificent fire, casting a sunset aura in the room.

“Hmmm,” came a deep voice, slightly threatening, from behind the ornate desk, “Sorcha Silverlight. I have seen you twice already this month, and it’s only the first week. You walk into this office almost as much as a second home. Is this task too much for you? Do you want to be demoted?”

“No, sir.” Replied her timid voice. “It’s about the Mallory’s. It’s getting worse and I don’t know what to do. No matter how much I try, I cannot get in touch with the human world. Katie is suffering, sir, and I want to help. Nothing in my training prepared me for this!”

“You mean you are unable to make a simple phone call? Or talk to your child?” His voice almost booming.

“Of course I tried, sir. Can you remember your first assignment? Couldn’t the mentors see the implications of this mission? This isn’t fair!” Sorcha slumped down on the soft carpet, much like a teenager throwing a tantrum.

“Get up you spoilt brat! Of course I remember. The child I was first assigned to, died within two days. Black plague. Poor Henry,” He bowed his head with grief, and Sorcha immediately moved to his side to put a comforting arm around his shoulder. “We cannot predict the future, and as Guardian Angels, it is our duty to help as many children in the world as possible."



This is as far as I have gotten in the past half hour (I get distracted)... Comment, email, text, kik me your views. :)

Mr. Simple

Stolen from my other blog :o !

First of all, as most people know, I’m really into Korean music, and no that does not just mean Gangnam Style! One of my favourite bands is Super Junior, which consists of 10-15 members at any time. This is due to compulsory military service, so some are away and it is rare to see them all together.

I really like this song and video, not just because it was the first song and video I saw of them, but because of the lyrics. The lyrics themselves are inspirational, letting the listener know that there is nothing wrong with them. The first verse even mentions moods and emotions going up and down all that time, and that it is perfectly normal. It reminds us that life isn’t necessarily easy, but it’s not bad either. We just need to make the most of it and remember that we are all perfect in our own ways.

The video is typical of ‘mainstream music’ where the background changes often, there is a perfectly choreographed dance and various outfit changes. The lighting appears very clinical in the way that the main area is brightly lit, but the individual backdrops are grey and quite bland. The lighting from the floor is unusual although it does minimize shadows. In fact, there are hardly any shadows, which gives the impression that most of it used a green screen.

Super Junior isn’t the only group to have positive messages hidden in them, a few other songs are:
Nu’est – Face
2NE1 – Ugly
EXO-K – Traffic Safety Song

Lyrics used:

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&ved=0CDwQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.kpoplyrics.net%2Fsuper-junior-mr-simple-lyrics-romanized-english.html&ei=QMZeUY26C8XHPLbkgdgH&usg=AFQjCNGKry2omo0yHu0sK5j_-ECaKGUASw&sig2=gOU9-qXonbE7YtrUUA33-w&bvm=bv.44770516,d.ZWU

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&cad=rja&ved=0CEcQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fimmortalsoul123.wordpress.com%2F2011%2F08%2F02%2Fmr-simple-album-songs-lyrics-english-translations%2F&ei=QMZeUY26C8XHPLbkgdgH&usg=AFQjCNHAC7WOETkOOp0ttxekDo2gA_dp3g&sig2=U1BWBLe2w0eWz-iJ4dkuvA&bvm=bv.44770516,d.ZWU


Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6TwzSGYycM

Let's Just Say...

So today wasn't a very good day...

But to try and make me feel better, I went out to town (didn't work), then listened to loads of music. Music has played a major part in my life, not because I'm talented (because I really am not) but I feel that it has saved my life.

I have spent so much of my life listening to angry and depressing music when I have felt the same way, and recently I realised that it doesn't work the same way as happy music does. I even have a playlist for when I feel down because it happens so often. Simple Plan and Eminem, as examples, made me realise that my life isn't as bad as some people's, but then Mika and Destiny's Child are empowering, showing that there's always a bright side to the dark times.

Through the dark, depressing, and self-harming days to my happiest times, on sunny beaches with friends, music has always been there.

Mainstream Shizz

I want to start off by saying that I am in no way a hipster, no matter what my friends think.

I've just gotten so used to not being a part of the majority that following the crowd has become a turn off.. I always felt like an outsider as a child, first because I'm half African and half white British, and second, I never felt like I belonged. In my first school, no one was mixed race. They were either white, black or Asian. I wasn't 'one of them'.

My friends always seemed to have happy, perfect lives. Both parents working, siblings they got along with and all the toys they wanted. Me on the other hand, my parents divorced by the time I was four. My mum couldn't work because she wanted to be there for me and my sister, and with no family that really liked my mum, she had to struggle on her own. I would always argue with my sister, which led to arguments with my mum, most of them resulting with the line "Why don't you go and live with your father!". Because my mum wasn't working, she couldn't afford the toys my friends got, cable/satellite TV or nice stuff in general. So I wasn't like everyone else to start with.

Secondary school definitely pulled me apart. People would wonder why I didn't act more 'black', why I was quiet, why I was me. I was scared to come out of my shell and show what I really liked. I got into anime and manga but was criticized for it. There was this one girl who thought I was copying her and tried to make me hate myself. I might have mentioned her before, I actually hated going into school. The last year was actually my worst year. I loved Kpop music for the first time, but I was called strange and uncool.

I turned to my sister earlier and said that "Kpop is becoming too mainstream... I don't like it." 

University is like a whole other life for me. When I'm there, I am truly myself. I'm not scared of the judgement, the looks and stares. I re-invented myself, as the confident me. That worked for about a week. Now I'm halfway between that and how I was before. Sure some people aren't open to the fact that I like different things, but I don't care anymore. I am myself and I could never be happier.

I don't just listen to 'mainstream music', I listen to anything I like the tune or beat to. I like The Midnight Beast, The Lonely Island, and The Band Perry. This is where I don't follow suit; Simple Plan, Mika, Evanescence, Fun, Taylor Swift, Eminem, Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, Lindsey Stirling, Big Bang, Nu'est, 2NE1, to name a few of my favourites. Yeah most of these are mainstream artists, but I don't check the Top 40 or anything, I just download the albums and any singles I like.

On the other hand, I also don't follow fashion. Like every girl, I update my wardrobe whenever I can, and buy what's in stores but my collection is quite small because I am so fussy. I get fed up quickly and my style is sometimes called; punky, quirky, cute, different, tomboy-ish, bright. It all depends on my mood.

IT'S ALL ABOUT BEING YOURSELF, AS LONG AS YOU ARE HAPPY IN YOUR OWN SKIN, WHO CARES WHAT THE WORLD THINKS! As long as you don't do anything illegal, or dangerous to others, it's all cool.

Small World

I have a lot of random thoughts pop into my head at various times, and this hot and sticky night is one of those times.

I remember back in primary school, year 3 or 4 I think, and I used to get bullied. I never told my family, or my friends as it would happen when I was alone, and it was a couple of 'groups' that did it. One couple were girls in year six, about 2 or 3 years above me, and they would taunt me often. Eventually I confessed this to my mum's friend's daughter, (lets call her L) and it turned out that she used to be best friends with one of them. I still remember their names now, S and C shall be all I will reveal. S was a friend of L, who went to my school but later transferred because it was 'not good enough for her family' (they're snobs now). I begged L to do something, but it did not cease until S and C went to secondary school... luckily that was only about a year or two.

Unfortunately for me, the year after they left, I got bullied by another two girls, two years below me. They would sing songs about me being too skinny, calling me a twig or sticks. I took matters into my own hands and started eating a lot more. Again I never told anyone, and this is my first confession. They stopped the teasing for a while, and then it started up again by calling me a fat whale. I looked like on of those starving African children with stick arms, and a massive belly. I just ate and ate, but didn't care what.

When I finally finished that school, I found that I no longer had the same friends and my self esteem went all the way down. I became reserved and extremely shy. Almost like a different person. I was always a bit on the quiet side, but I now realise that I had changed. I was told by some 'friends' that I should stop complaining about my life because it was too depressing. I grew a tougher skin and never showed my emotions. I didn't know how to fit in and I was often alone in class.

I never really manage to keep friends for very long, but I have a few that I can stay close to... well, make that two. No matter how long we go without speaking because of uni, we can still talk about anything and be who we are. I'm glad I have these two to keep me strong through all the emotional heartbreak (more stories to come), the depression and self harm, through exams, stress, domestic violence and being homeless (for about an hour xD).

My story isn't normal, no one's is. This isn't to share with the world, but a personal reminder of what I have gone through and to know that I am stronger than people realise. I am who I am because of what has happened to me.

Stay strong everyone, and if you're being bullied, tell someone. I know I didn't and was always afraid that it would get worse if I did, but I wish I had more help back then. :)