Tokyo Ghoul √A

Hey look, everything is ending around the same time and I'm not keeping up fast enough. Anyway....

This is the second season to Tokyo Ghoul, which was amazing the last time around, however nothing seems to be explained as much this time around. My understanding of this season has come from the comments of other viewers who have read the manga. 

Kaneki.

More information is needed on the creation of some ghouls, this season showed a set of twins who appear human in flashbacks, but were turned into ghouls. How? I have no idea. But more 'one-eye's appear, which implies that they're half human or turned ghouls.

With new characters and many twists and turns, I do recommend it. Even though I haven't read the manga, it was still entertaining but I recommend reading to fully understand what is going on.

If you miss Mado from the previous season, then do not fret. He is spoken about frequently and his daughter has joined the force and partners up with Amon. So that's good news.

Juuzo is probably my favourite character this season.

Kaneki's white hair from the end of last season is still present, showing how the effects of his capture are lasting and ever-present.

I don't know what else to say, besides a season three is in the pipeline and I've heard that is should be following the manga just as much as these previous seasons.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Absolute Duo

"After losing a loved one, Tooru Kokonoe enrolls at Kouryou Academy so as to gain a "Blaze," a weapon that is his soul manifestation, for the sake of revenge. He was expecting a weapon... What he got was a shield... How is he to seek revenge with something that isn't even a weapon?!" - Anime Ultima.

On the first day of a special school, Tooru meets an innocent looking girl and is instantly intrigued. Sounds like every school anime, you say? Well... It is. Kinda. It has loads of action but it is also harem based too. 

Tomoe and Julie

Tor (Tooru) and Julie both have dark pasts, and they seek revenge for it, but everyone at this school seems to have a reason to be here. Many have a background in martial arts, and in the first day, they are told to fight each other. 

The school has a dark reason for even existing, which is only touched on in the middle and a small explanation is given at the end. 

I liked it, there are enough answers to be satisfied with the anime's existence but there are still enough questions for a season two to come out.  It's not as pervy as some anime's to the point of being annoying, and the plot is both cliché and intriguing. However, like with a lot of anime recently (possible due to my own personal circumstances) I have not felt upset if I don't watch the latest episode straight away. The art style appear to be cute and aimed at a younger audience to begin with, but you quickly realise this is not the case and it is not suitable for your four year old niece.

Tor and Julie

There are plenty of busty girls to go around, even the teacher is a little unorthodox in her appearance and teaching style. But it is worth the watch. High School of the Dead is the closest anime I can think of right now, so I highly recommend this if you've seen that.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Chromebook?

So, last week I bought myself a Chromebook. This is not going to be one of those reviews where I convince you to buy it now, but my own personal experience based on a few days.

Firstly, this was not bought to replace my laptop. In fact, I'm thinking of ditching it for a gaming or high powered desktop after university while staying faithful to an over 15 year relationship with Windows PCs.
I have switched from a 15.6" laptop to an 11" Chromebook to be used while on the go. That means that I find the keyboard a little small, but still workable. I would also say that the touchpad is delicate (it is way too easy to switch lines while typing by accident) and can be compared to a Macbook.

As this is my secondary 'laptop', I don't need it all the time. But dropping documents into Google Drive means that I must be connected to the internet for the files to save and simultaneously appear on both devices. Although it is great to simply connect before leaving home, then do all my work on the go without powering off and open them again when I get home to find the new versions. The battery life helps with this. With my wifi off, muted volume (I won't need sound if I'm listening to my phone on the train) and no bluetooth (seriously, who still uses that?), I have found that on 88% battery, I still have almost 12 hours left. Obviously, the more processes happening, the shorter the battery life. But that also means I won't need to charge it during the day if I make sure I have enough before leaving home. It also makes my bag lighter whilst walking around.

I have a HP version of this, bought on my university campus (they overcharge on everything and I paid £250 for it) and I have no problem with a lack of USB slots (2) and an SD card slot. I can even plug in a HDMI cable for presentations.

Lastly, as this has turned into an amateurs review, it's super cute in size. It fits snugly in my handbag, and I barely notice the weight gain.

I do like this Chromebook, but not as a primary device. It works great as something portable and light, without the pricetag of a Macbook. You also shouldn't expect too much from it, from what I can tell, it's basically a tablet with a keyboard (not detachable), a fast startup time (less than 10 seconds) and the processing power to do the things adults do most often, which is check emails, write documents and surf the internet. Depending on the brand and model, the RAM and memory will vary, but I'm sure that's nothing an external hard drive will fix. Maybe don't expect Photoshop too soon though.

Anyway, I'm travelling tomorrow so if I have anymore to add after a proper use, I'll add it at the end.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

A Little Something / University Advice and Review

I came to university to discover who I am, to procrastinate whilst accumulating a huge debt, and to find my purpose in life. This is what I've learned over the three years:

Well, we all know I'm failing terribly at my subject. I do much better at academics (somehow, considering I have the attention span of a sieve), and hate my course. I don't know if I should pursue my current aspiration of being a social worker; to help kids in the care system. This is based loosely on the experience of having a foster sister for a few years.

The debt. Why, oh why did I pick the expensive way through life?

I can't spell. In fact it's getting so bad I'm worried that I could be dyslexic. Thank goodness for spell check!

Love life: Let's not delve into the past, but embrace the, oh so confusing, present. I have a major crush on a girl in Florida... I am sleeping with my best guy friend. He doesn't want a relationship due to having major commitment issues, but I've accidentally grown to love him. THERE, I SAID IT! I can't make my heart choose, there are issues with both of them and they each know of the other and how I feel.
Then a friend confessed her crush for me over tumblr. I mean, if she told me in first year, maybe something would have happened?
And the past is an icky place.

Sometimes, I wish I had joined Mike at MU.

Happiness: as a group project, we launched ProjectHappyUK. It's our way of spreading awareness of mental wellbeing within students, who often get stressed. We also worked in partnership with UMHAN, a charity that specialises in this. We did this by making a series of videos, holding bake sales, and giving out hugs and business cards with positive messages on them.

Unfortunately, being bipolar, I have become extremely depressed. I had a very long positive period, and so I am worried about the duration and severity of this episode. It's a shame it had to happen at the end of this project, but I should have known  it would creep up on me.

Anime is a great time waster.

Coursework should not be done in the last couple of weeks, but it will be.

Decide on a final project at the beginning, not in the middle when you have no hope of changing it. (This was due to my depression, and lack of general motivation).

Friends don't last forever. But they are always there if you want to reconnect. Also, you will become close to someone during Freshers, and barely speak to them again afterwards.

First impressions are not your only chance. Heck, I told my current lover that I'm a lesbian so that nothing would happen between us, that didn't go to plan.

Being bisexual is complicated, only for explanations. Even at university, many people don't know what it is. Then again, they confuse bipolar disorder with schizophrenia.

Love comes in many forms, and even if the words are not used, there are other ways of showing it.

You pay for damn prescriptions. No more free healthcare for you.

Depending on how you manage your money, and how much you get, your student loan will be a blessing at first, before you realise how much everything costs.

During the most stressful year of university, you will probably have to work as your loan gets cut. Well done SFE, well done. With added stress, I now have less time.

You will not party as much as you thought in your following years.

Running away seems like a good idea at first, until you realise you won't have a degree until you actually finish your course by SUBMITTING EVERYTHING! You might have to repeat your last year. (Genuinely thinking of going to Europe until after my deadlines, maybe Amsterdam or Sweden.)

You will ignore all the advice blogs out there. Even this one.

Know your housemates before you move in, because finding a new place mid-term will make you enemies, and poorer, with added stress.

Costa and Starbucks are expensive if you buy them before and during every class. Stay away or make your own to bring in. Travel mugs are really cute, convenient and cheap in comparison. (They also make quirky vases if you get unexpected flowers.)

Being healthy isn't easy, but buying ingredients instead of ready made meals will MAKE you healthier.

Graduation will be worth all the hard work and stress. And university is a lot more fun than the working world (at least the first two years are).

This was really long so I'll stop now. I seem to have moved on from what I was originally going to write, but that's just how my brain works. Oh, go follow me on tumblr now :) details in the top right.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Introducing: Project Happy UK

As a follow up from my previous post, I want to share with you the first video we produced as part of Project Happy.

We currently have a blog set up, with tips on getting through uni, and dealing with stress, among many future topics we will cover in relation to mental wellbeing. You can find it at www.projecthappyuk.wordpress.com  where Sarah and Katharine post weekly on Sundays. (I used real names for once).
We also have a twitter and instagram set up, both with the usernames @projecthappyuk.
Please follow and support us, if you have any suggestions, we will be sure to look into them and see what we can do. You can email us at: projecthappyuk@gmail.com

Thank you as always.
Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Retrospect

A year ago today was the most stressful and happiest day of my life. It was the day I honestly contemplated suicide because of the situation in university halls. I couldn't take it anymore.

It was also the day the people in the office finally let me move out. The tension literally lifted from my shoulders and it was the best feeling in the world.

Now, I'm working on Project Happy with some friends, to bring a bit of that happiness that I felt, to the lives of others, if only momentarily.

A lot can happen in a year, and without the help and support from my friends and family, who knows what my life would be like right now, if it even exists. So I want to say a massive thank you to these people in particular, and send a message to you all. If someone is feeling down, do what you can to help them, you don't know if the situation is minor or major, and you really can make a difference. So please, spread the love.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

This is not a review :O

So, I know I said that I will be focusing on my studies, at least for the next few months. I seems that I lied to myself. I have found myself playing The Sims 3 and 4 on multiple occasions, watching anime and simply going out.

Sims 4

I've started four new series: Ookami Shoujo to Kuro Ouji, Trinity Seven, Cross Ange: Tenshi to Ryuu no Rondo, and Grisaia no Kajitsu. One of these is a normal length series of around 25 episodes, but you can expect the other reviews around Christmas (I guess that's when they end).

Cross Ange

Not only have I been watching anime, but Grimm, The Big Bang Theory, The Simpsons, American Horror Story and Marvel's Agents of SHIELD are also back on TV. Well, I don't have a TV but Netflix and Amazon are quite useful here. If I can't find them there, there are always Google Searches.

That's all for a quick update from me.
Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Tokyo ESP

Ok, so it's taken me a while to watch the last two episodes and write this up.

The first episode is confusing, it shows a city in utter chaos, and the citizens only hope has been locked up due to some law. The second episode starts the story from the beginning, explaining many aspects, good and bad, leading up to the destruction of the town. Somewhere near the end of the series, you realise where the first episode roughly slots in.

There were parts that made me gasp, some where I cringed, and others that almost brought happy tears to my eyes. However, it isn't as interesting as some series that I have watched. In my sister's words, 'We've set a high standard for anime early on, so watching good anime isn't as amazing as others e have watched.' I think she sums it up quite well, we started off with recommendations of series that people have absolutely loved, and then expected all anime to be that good. In truth, not everything is, and it is obvious which ones I like the most by the way I write the review.

If you enjoy watching dark anime such as Tokyo Ghoul, this is great. The themes vary but the storyline stays on track, which is damn helpful.

I'm sorry I've gotten worse at writing these reviews, but you can see why. This was a good series, but not a mindblowingly amazing series. I realised when I moved address and didn't feel like I was missing the series because I didn't have internet for a week. It's something to pass the time, but not something to obsess over.

This is just my opinion, and I may be less interested because my university life has gotten hectic and I'm prioritising my work over leisure. I probably won't be watching any or many series this winter, so don't expect any major posts until after Easter, when my course is drawing to an end.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Black Rock Shooter

8 EPISODES!? Only 8 episodes?

I think this is the shortest series I've ever watched, excluding OVAs, and obviously, it was watched in one session with my friend.

A little fetish escaping into anime?

Can I just say, that by the time I finally realised what was going on in the first and second episodes, and how they related both parts of the story, they introduced a new character to confuse me again. Also, the graphics are amazing. Not just the art, but how they created half of the scenes using 3D animations techniques, and then converted this to the 2D anime we all know and love.

Two worlds co-exist and take on the 'pain' of that world. Black Rock Shooter (yes, that is her name) lives in a world without emotional pain, but solves everything with violence. Her very existence is a battle to stay alive in a world that would no make sense to us. To cope with this world, she can transform her arm into a canon to aid her efforts.

Mato and Yomi

Meanwhile, Mato Kuroi is a middle-school student trying to reach out to befriend a classmate who keeps pushing her away. Although there is a reason for her classmate Yomi Takanashi to stay alone, Mato does not give up easily. This makes her school life a little more complicated than it used to be.

But, how do these two worlds relate? Why is survival for Black Rock Shooter more intense, action packed and filled to the brim with danger? Why does she literally have to fight to survive?

Alone, as two separate anime series, Mato's story would be too ordinary to be labeled a series in it's own right, and Black Rock Shooter's story would seem too action filled, without a break to be decent. However, the way they interlink and contrast each other make this a fantastic series to watch. A balance of calm and desperation, the way other characters interfere, and the difference in drawing styles to match each world.
I have found a stark contrast in reviews, a number of low scores equal to a number of high scores make this anime just like Marmite. Love it or hate it, at least give it a try. :)

Vocaloid (Hatsune Miku) and Black Rock Shooter. Not the image which inspired the song.

* * This started off as a drawing, turned into a music video sung by Hatsune Miku, and then an anime and film adaptation. Please note, I have only seen the anime series and not the film which is classed as the OVA at 52 minutes. (myanimelist.net) * *

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

You know when...

...you have a really good day, and then someone does something small that ruins it completely?

Yeah, my mum (what a surprise) did just that. I had a perfectly good day going on, I got a call back from the job I really want this summer, and even though its a small thing, she kept looking at my laptop. I mean, if I wanted to show you what's on my screen, I would do.

Now, this is what makes her a hypocrite; she always told me off for being nosey as a child (I would ask lots of questions) but she went one step farther and looked round to my screen. Rude, or what?

Yes I know I have mother issues, I don't really like her as a person anymore, so I'll shut up now.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Exams and Deadlines

Coursework

I'm terrible. I have so much work to do now that I haven't even had time to watch anime, review it or generally blog. It's the time of the year where I'm extremely busy but not doing anything interesting.

Coursework rubbish.

I will keep you updated when I'm free again. I have a final exam on the 20th but after that I'm free so I should be able to write more.

Haii, I got bored :P

I love you all for reading this, truly.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Monochrome Factor

I actually watched this alone and over a longer period, but ah well.

This 24-episode anime series is full of deceit. In fact, the deceit is deceitful :O

So, there's this slacker, Akira, who must return to his school one night with classmates where they get attacked by shadow monsters. Up comes a (full of himself) stranger, who explains that the balance between light and dark is becoming unbalanced and so turns Akira into a 'Shin'. Shirogane (the stranger) then fights alongside Akira against the shadow monsters. Full of mystery, light shonen-ai themes and plenty of action, this is a definite recommendation.

Will you figure out where the lies begin and the truth ends? Let's wait and see.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Wishful Thinking

Have you ever wanted anything for ages?
A wish that you truly wanted to come true?
Did it come true?

Mine do.

I have made a few wishes in the past, and the ones that I truly wanted with all my heart (at the time) have come true.
Firstly, I wanted to be magic. And at one point I thought I was. Ok, so this may not have come true.
I wanted a twin, someone who looked exactly like me. So I have my sister, and people get us confused all the time even though we think we look nothing alike.
I wanted to be clever. I didn't work harder but I found some things easier to understand. Like maths.
I wished for a boyfriend. Well, I wanted to date this one guy,and over a year later, he was my first kiss and boyfriend.
When I was depressed, I wished to be happy. Now I'm happily managing bipolar disorder, with fewer and shorter depressive episodes.
I wished to go to university (last minute). I picked stupid subjects for A-levels and basically failed, but one university still accepted me. And here I am.

These are what I remember right now, but if I want something bad enough, it does come true. That may be through luck or hard work, but I believe in wishes coming true.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Tattoos

So, what are your views on body ink?

I personally love them, but there are a few things I would never get, such as:

• Names of partners
• Bands
• Fleeting phases
• Huge pieces.

Although I do have one tattoo (shh, don't tell my dad) which are the japanese characters for 'love' and 'luck'. I have been obsessed with japanese culture for a number of years now, and realised that as a child I preferred anime over cartoons (not that I realised at that age). My love for the japanese has only grown, and my tattoo is in a place that would not normally be seen by the way that I dress. On my ribs.

Earlier today, (instead of doing uni work) I decided to draw out my next tattoo. It's been nine or so months since my first one and I've had this idea for almost the same amount of time. Birds symbolise peace, usually, and this is my attempt at drawing a swallow. I might go to one of my friends that is good at art, and get them to draw or alter my design a little to make it look better. Swallows represent loyalty to a partner or family, the promise of coming back and unconditional love. I wanted one of the blue disney birds to copy and this was my best attempt.

I've planned everything for it, except if I want it in colour. I might just go for a little shading. I want to go back to the same parlour as my first one, unless my friends have any better places, but they have closed and moved to another building further away from me. I want it on my shoulder too, on the opposite side to my first one.

Everyone I have spoken to about it, likes it. But I just need to wait for some more funds first.

Any ideas, or comments on this?

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Don't You Get It?

Just a little rant/story of today.

So I was in university (as usual) and this guy in my lecture spoke to me between that and our seminar, and we ended up buying a smoothie down the road. He paid for it and everything, but the longer I spoke to him, the more I thought he was into me..
We got back in the building and had ten minutes to spare, so we spoke some more. He was thrilled to find out about where my family come from, and his family is from a neighboring country. Then we somehow spoke about the 'guys' I'm into. I never outright said that I'm not currently into guys (and maybe I should have), but I did mention Korea and Japan a lot. Then he invited me out for dinner Thursday. Now, I'm used to just going out for dinner with friends casually, so I agreed.

I'm pretty sure everyone knows about my love for G Dragon.

We went to our respective rooms and I later saw him on my way back from lunch. The hugged me and went to (I assume) kiss my lips but I moved so he caught my cheek. He checked that I would text him later today (whoops, I forgot until I typed that), and we left at that as he was going home, and I had work to go through.

This gets me thinking. If I say I'm *only* into East Asian Guys (exclude girls for a second), and you're half Jew/ half African, then I'm not interested.

Also, is this now a date?!

I'm so clueless about these things..

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Last Post of the Month :O

This is going to be pointless...

Buuuuut, that means that pancake day is only four days away ^.^ And I cannot wait.

I personally do not like American Style pancakes.. I guess I'm just used to home made British ones. Although, I've never actually made the American ones and I probably just don't like shop bought stuffs. Yes, I wrote 'stuffs'.

My favourite topping is Kaya sauce, which is some Thai sweet coconut thing I found from the waffle man in China Town (my third home). It's delicious, and I only know of the one shop that sells it... (Need to buy some more...)
Other great toppings are; lemon and sugar, jam, golden syrup and fruit, among others. Just anything sweet. ^.^

Enjoy yet another day that is supposed to be religious but now revolves around food. ^.^

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Anime

Do I watch too much anime? Well..... Is there such a thing? ;3

Probably. This is procrastination at its best. And considering the amount of work I have to do, this list is a bit much. Since starting back at uni at the beginning of the month, I have watched:
Pandora Hearts
Yumikui Merry
Special A
Mayo Chiki
Kaichou wa Maid-sama!
Mirai Nikki
Spiral: Suiri no Kizuna
Loveless
11eyes

Yumekui Merry

Special A - Sakura

Spiral

Loveless

11eyes

And I tried watching:
Starry Sky
To Love-Ru
Moonphase
Maria Holic
MM!
Yuru Yuri

So um... Maybe I started these around Christmas actually, the list seems a bit long for two weeks... Make that almost two months. :) And these are what I actually remember, my laptop history doesn't seem to go back very far...

How do you procrastinate? Do you watch anime too?

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

So Late...

So about a month ago, I said this 'I'll explain the boat party scenario when I have the time. And my new job. And this girl and two guys that seem to like me...Later. Much later.' (2nd November 2013, just scroll down)
And so I thought I should at least explain one of these. 

I have a job. Not quite sure if it's paid :/ and I know I haven't got any money, but I enjoy working there so it doesn't matter so much. If I hated it, I wouldn't stay even if I did get paid, but I love it, so yeah.

I work in a TV Studio called The Sporah Show. I don't think I can post much online about it (my manager told me not to upload photos to facebook without permission, but I don't even take any photos haha). I started on the 29th October, and I get to meet all these lovely celebrities from Africa, and some from the UK too.

They are usually so interesting to talk to, and the host, Sporah, has her own tale to tell. (Sssh, I didn't say anything.) We have business men/women, models, actors, musicians, writers and loads more. Admittedly I have never seen the show itself, just snippets from youtube (I don't have a TV or license), but behind the scenes are so funny. It's almost like another family, so I felt welcomed as soon as I arrived.

If I have to compare the show to any others (not that I watch TV), I would say that it's like Graham Norton's show, Oprah, and even Alan Carr: Chatty Man.

I'm still undecided on what I want to pursue as a career in the future, this is definitely fun, but I don't think I would be able to do this all the time. It's only for one day a week, and I have university to finish first. Anyway, check out the show's website and let me know what you think. 

Oh, and new episodes are aired every Tuesday at 8pm on VOX AFRICA, Sky Channel 218. There are two more repeats during the week too ;)

University #6

I think I am now ready to explain what happened last week. (Sorry I haven't posted in a while.)

It all started from when we first moved in together. There's this one girl (I think I called her Mel in another post), and she kept leaving her washing up in the sink that we are all supposed to use. Mel also left her rubbish bin in the hallway, for up to three weeks in which Brian put it in the bin for her. BRIAN DOESN'T EVEN LIVE HERE, HE GOES TO A DIFFERENT UNI!
Oh, and have I mentioned that she often leaves her stuff in her bedroom long enough for it to grow mold? Then laughs and leaves it in the kitchen. I'M ALLERGIC TO MOLD :(

So, Mel went home for the weekend. She left the sink full of her stuff. She put a bin bag in the hallway three days before she left. Friday afternoon (she left that morning), we noticed all this and decided that enough was enough. She had told all of us that she loves cleaning, and that's the one thing she has NEVER done here.

Being sick of everything being left, and living in almost filth, we opened up two of her cupboards. One of them just had a plastic mixing bowl on the top shelf, so Brian put the small bin bag on the bottom shelf. I collected the bag from the hallway and put it on the kitchen floor. Shanay either handed Brian the bag or put it in the cupboard herself.
Let's clear some things up, Lizzy, James, Shanay, Brian and I were all in the kitchen at this point.
Brian then moved all of Mel's food to the top shelf of the other cupboard (amazing packing skills, I must say). Lizzy handed him the pots and pans, while James and I emptied them all. Brian continued to pack all of her stuff into this cupboard.
We all played our part.

Mel came home Sunday evening, found out what happened and used 'kik' to exclaim her outrage. Unfortunately, due to changing my phone (it was in for repair and my tablet no longer has these messages), I cannot prove anything, but the it was a group conversation and so someone will have these still.
Monday, Mel decided to have a meeting with everyone. I was out. Doing photography. I was recieving texts during a photoshoot telling me that Mel hates the fact that I wasn't home, and she's angry with us all.
Tuesday (I was at work all day), Mel moves out. I was home at 8pm-ish (that's early for me) and saw her finish emptying the fridge and freezer, with a shopping trolley. She didn't say a word to me.

Apparently, Shanay said that everything was Brian's fault, and that she had nothing to do with it. It took James and Lizzy a lot of effort to also clear Phil's name.

Now this story is long and I promise to finish it tomorrow. At least, very soon. Something happened Wednesday and so I shall leave that for another post.

Goodnight my lovelies ^.^ x

Life Lessons #6

CONFRONTATION

Ok, so during a party on Friday night, my flatmate came up to me to say 'Stop writing notes, just talk to me if I annoy you.' I just agreed and said that I would try. Little does she know why I don't confront people face to face, but always text or write a note to talk later.

As a child, I never had much emotional support. My father was abusive, even though my parents were divorced. My mother never listened or understood. I couldn't talk about how things made me feel. I was constantly told not to bother speaking up. Over summer after a fight with my foster sister, it was the first time my dad had been there for me. He actually picked me up and hugged me. It's only taken him my whole 19 years to start attempting to be a dad.

The one time I spoke up to my mum, I left home. I was 16.
The one time I spoke up to my dad, I got kicked out my home. At 17.

The only way I have ever been able to talk to my mum about how I feel, was to write it down so she could read it in her own time.

I'm actually very strong minded, but I don't always speak up.

I can't even remember what I'm trying to say... Basically, if you don't feel comfortable speaking, find another way to communicate. Even if its to me. Like I said somewhere, I will always listen and reply when I can. Write notes, draw, shout it out. Do anything, just don't keep things bottled up because that's not good for you or your health.