I Have This Friend

Surprise!! On contrary belief to older siblings who rarely see me, I do have friends. But this isn't what the post is about.

I have this one friend in particular, and she always had medical problems. She would be in hospital frequently, I think she broke her foot four times. :O But she was in hospital a lot for other reasons too. Anyway, she was in her teenage years when she was told that she could never have a child, because it put too much of a risk on her life.
It's sad :'( I know.

But, when she was 17, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Well, beautiful people make beautiful babies, and some ugly parents also make miracles happen.

This isn't some miraculous story about a girl who defied doctors and lived happily ever after, but it's not a tragedy either.

She then went on to have baby number 2 shortly after.

After a breakdown in her relationship, and a new partner, along comes baby number three.... And then four...

So, after another failed relationship, she calls it quits. She gets an implant fitted, figures that her life is just going to be her and her children, and gets her life on track as a single mum and taking on work whenever she can.

In walks man number three. Now they've been together long enough for her to let him move in and he gets along great with the kids. But she also, somehow, manages to have baby number five. The implant didn't work. I'm not entirely sure if she had the implant before number four, but she certainly had it before number five.

I think the point of my story is to point out that she isn't a benefit leach, like so many other young mothers in England, and until the second child, she did plan to continue living with her parents. Her parents are also quite wealthy, so they could easily support her if they needed to. And she had tried working, fitting it around nursery, primary school, and relying on family to help look after the children so that she could work. But having so many young children is a huge responsibility. I admire her for that.

The oldest cannot be any older than ten years of age at the moment. I asked her if she had any regrets at all, a few years ago (just after number 4) and the only regret she has is having them too soon. She had her first child before legally being able to go to clubs, and it drains a lot of energy, time and money. She said that she should have waited at least a few years.

So, don't judge someone just because they have lots of children, look at what all of them are wearing. That's what I seem to have noticed more. the quality of the childrens clothes are higher and look better than those of benefit leeches. Does the parent have dirty/blackened or missing teeth? Note that it is the overall appearance and attitude of the family that will tell you about their social standing and if they're just having kids for the money.

And I will stop rambling on now.
Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

"Don't Judge Me"

Don't ask for the impossible.

We are human, we will judge you whether you like it or not. BUT, it is our choice to take that judgement seriously or get to know you before making a proper judgment.

Just hope that more people have positive judgements or ignore their judgement upon first meeting :).

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

I Was A Boy

Not quite...

So, I have a rare memory from when I was very young (you know how I can't remember most of my childhood?) and it's from when I must have been about three or four. It's one of my clearest memories, because I can put myself back there.
I was sitting on the floor in my second house, by the living room door. My dad was standing next to me and my mum was behind me on the sofa. For some reason I was facing the wall, away from my parents. I remember wearing black leggings, as I spread my legs and looked down below. I thought I had a penis. I also had an awkwardly placed hole in my leggings.
"Mum, am I a boy?"
I looked round to her as she replied, "Of course not. Why would you think that?"
I replied, "Because I have a willy."
I wasn't wearing underwear. I must have been at the age where my mum trusted me to dress myself but I wasn't exactly good at remembering everything I had to wear.

So yeah, I thought I was a boy when I was really young. I thought I would share this as I haven't thought about it until recently, and I'm currently trying to work out who I am. I know who I am right now, but I need to know who I used to be. If I can accept myself, I can love myself more. And that's all that matters.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Anime

Do I watch too much anime? Well..... Is there such a thing? ;3

Probably. This is procrastination at its best. And considering the amount of work I have to do, this list is a bit much. Since starting back at uni at the beginning of the month, I have watched:
Pandora Hearts
Yumikui Merry
Special A
Mayo Chiki
Kaichou wa Maid-sama!
Mirai Nikki
Spiral: Suiri no Kizuna
Loveless
11eyes

Yumekui Merry

Special A - Sakura

Spiral

Loveless

11eyes

And I tried watching:
Starry Sky
To Love-Ru
Moonphase
Maria Holic
MM!
Yuru Yuri

So um... Maybe I started these around Christmas actually, the list seems a bit long for two weeks... Make that almost two months. :) And these are what I actually remember, my laptop history doesn't seem to go back very far...

How do you procrastinate? Do you watch anime too?

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Religion vs Good People

I consider myself to be religious, yet not really religious.

I can't tell if he looks bored or judgmental? Probably neither.

I believe in God, was brought up in a Christian family and went to Catholic schools. However, I stopped going to church regularly from the age when I was allowed to stay home alone. Both my parents go to church each week, but to different denominations. My mum goes to the Salvation Army while my dad is a Pentecostal, speaking in tongues, gospel singing kind of guy.

I do not think that religious people are good. Maybe I've had a few too many run ins with religious people that I do not like. Both my parents have abused me at some point in my life, luckily not at the same time. The man who got me kicked out my house was supposedly extremely religious. Oh, and I've been called a 'bad Christian'.

I may not go to church, but I still believe. I pray for others, and sometimes for my pain to go away. I try not to be selfish, but there's only so much a human can do. I'm not perfect and I accept that. I give to charity when I can, but as a student, I am often in debt and asking my dad to help me out financially with the intention to pay him back.

I think that as long as you try to be a good person, you will go to Heaven. Religion aside. It's your intentions that count, not if you force others to believe a religion you pretend to believe in. Yes, God may be with you in every step of your life, but please, don't tell me there's someone watching over my shoulder all the time. That's just creepy.

There are too many people out there that go to church and think that's all they need to do. They do not give to charity, they do not consider others and are not nice people.
*I went to my dad's church once and they said "If you have any money with you, you must give it to the church. It's what God wants."* I mean, what if you just received a late birthday card and it had a little bit of money in it? You expect me to give you a gift that was intended for me? Heck no! They looked down on me when I emptied my pockets to prove I had no money with me at all. (Never make a ten year old feel poor for not carrying cash.)

I'm sorry, but in my eyes, forcing and pressurising others to come to your church and believe in God is not being religious. 'Love thy neighbour', surely as they are? Jesus didn't discriminate against the Jews for not following him, so why should we shun the non-believers?

We have so many religions, so why can't we accept that instead of implying 'Our religion is the only true religion'. No, the basic foundations are all the same. Three pillars that I forgot from Religious Studies; Charity being the only one I remember.

So can we all just try to be good people? Pretty please?

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

Hypocrites / Pet Peeves

Don't you hate it when someone says 'I really like someone with.....' And then they date the opposite? I do that :/

My friend just posted on Twitter that he likes girls with an ass. His girlfriend is a stick...

So... 20 Things I hate about people... :

1. People that text/message you first then take forever to reply.
2. Having different personalities when they talk to different people (going from something to quiet is fine though), I mean being really girly with some friends, then acting like a tomboy/rebel with others.
3. Having bare feet, especially around me.
4. Ditching you to live alone but ending up living with other people. Just tell me the fricking truth. >.<
5. Smokers.
6. Druggies.
7. People with no self respect.
8. Assuming people's sexuality (yes we all do it, but explicitly mentioning it in a conversation like "as a girl, what do you look for in a guy?" [or girl]).
9. Music too loud when I want to sleep.
10. Being inconsiderate.
11. 'Fake' people.
12. PDA! (Public Displays of Affection.)
13. Hating someone before knowing them.
14. Hating on a stereotype (gays).
15. Rudeness.
16. Making up things about their past.
17. Criminals. 
18. Too much make-up.
19. Grammatically incorrect, all the time. (How did you get into university?)
20. Overly egotistic. 

Prejudice

Now I want to go back in time to last September, when I met my flat mates for the first time. I was terrified  and hungry (typical for me) and hadn't met anyone yet on the second day. I walked into the kitchen and everyone was there, they were so loud. >.<

I come from a pretty quiet house, despite everything that goes on, my family will stay away from each other or just talk quietly. The only time we are loud is during an argument, even when my mum tried to break my arm, she was quiet enough not to wake my sister in the same room.

So imagine my horror when I found everyone talking really loudly, laughing and discussing parties. I was fine with all that, I swear, but the sheer volume of them scared me. Sure I may love to watch anime, read, watch films in my room like every other hermit out there, but I also love to party as much as every other girl my age. Getting dressed up, drinking, and having a tonne of fun with my friends. I'm actually pretty normal, despite what I claim.

I found out a few months later that my whole flat thought I would be a boring bookworm. They didn't know that I go out a lot, or that I gave up pole-dancing before going to uni, and as a child I played loads of sports. When they found out, it shone a whole new light on me, as if I suddenly became a different person. Just because I wear glasses and had a shirt on that day (originally undone over a vest but I got cold and buttoned it up), it doesn't mean I am that kind of person.

It really bugs me when people judge others before getting to know them, and I know that I do it too, but we should give people a chance before blowing them off. I hated this one girl at first because I thought she liked the same guy as me, but now we're really close and I regret how I felt at first. People are surprising and if we just take the time to get to know someone, then we might end up staying friends for the rest of our lives.

So what I'm saying is that you shouldn't judge someone on the way they look, or because they drink when they go out. Just because they smoke weed (I have never done drugs and I'm completely against it for my own reasons but I won't bully you to stop. Although smoking is really bad and you should give that up :) If not, it's your own health you're damaging), or go pole-dancing, or play sports, or are gay/lesbian, or just don't behave in the same way as you. No one is perfect and the sooner people accept this, the easier it will be to make friends and enjoy life.