Trinity Seven

Probably the worst anime I watched this season, not for the storyline, but purely for the ending. Like, I just went to check on extra episodes and remembered that it is finished. I only watched the last episode a couple of hours ago. It needs and better ending, I feel like there are too many questions left. Like, [SPOILER] was that really his cousin or is she made up and his memories manipulated? Either way, it wasn't explained properly, maybe it was the subs, but it was probably the story.

"Everyday is a normal day in the small town where Kasuga Arata lives; however, everything changed on the day of the Black Sun, and following it, a magician appears before him. The Black Sun caused the Breakdown Phenomenon which destroyed the town where he lives. Because of this, his normal life was artificially reconstructed by a Grimoire that his childhood friend had left. Just what is the purpose of the magician coming to the town? What will he do with the Grimoire's keepsake?" (animeultima.tv)

Everything was coincidental, as expected, and Arata is the typical pervy schoolboy. Suddenly he gets landed in a school of female mages and his life changes forever. Not only is he clueless about his new life, but he is also extremely powerful.

Don't get me wrong, the series was great, panty shots actually fit the story and I liked it. But the ending ruined it. Go check it out and see how much you like it.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

Grisaia no Kajitsu (Fruit of Grisaia)

NO, THIS CAN'T BE OVER!!!!

This is a series that I loved so much this season, and I am truly sad to see it go. Apparently there is a second season, so I will be eagerly awaiting this. It was a Visual Novel first, so I need to read that now, and if anyone knows where I can find it, please let me know.

"Mihama Academy—on the surface, a closed learning environment established to nurture students who find themselves at odds with the world around them; in actuality, an orchard-cum-prison built to preserve fruit that has fallen too far from its tree. Whatever the circumstances behind its establishment, Mihama Academy is at present home to five female students, all with their own reasons for "enrollment." For better or worse, each girl has established a routine obliging of her current situation; life moves at an idle, yet accommodating pace within the walls of Mihama. Yet with the arrival of the institute's first male student, the nearly preposterously opaque Kazami Yuuji, the students at Mihama begin to fall out of step with their predetermined rhythms. Will Yuuji prove to be the element the girls around him needed to take hold of their lives once more, or will the weight of their pasts prove too steep a wall to overcome? And in the first place, just who is Kazami Yuuji? While the true nature of the "job" he is wont to alight to at the most haphazard of moments remains shrouded in secrecy, one thing is for certain—his encroachment upon the quiet orchard known as Mihama Academy will prove itself momentous in one way or another. And of course, one cannot discount the possibility that perhaps Yuuji himself carries the weightiest past of any of the students..." (From animeultima.tv)

Even after watching this, I am not too sure of what is was truly about, but it was entertaining. I love how less than halfway through the series, we begin to find out why the girls are at this school, or in better words, what is wrong with their past. The last 'story' is the longest, spanning 3 or 4 episodes but it is very in depth and quite emotional. It's not a  mystery that you can simply predict, but little hints here and there are provided (not enough to piece anything together) but the full story is explained. Yuuji's story is interwoven and explained piece by piece throughout the series. 

The title is subtle yet truthful to the series, where the girls have fallen too far from the tree in which they were grown, they are not doing or being what is expected of them. 

I really do recommend this series, if you do not watch anything else from this season, this is the one. I don't want to spoil any of the series, so I shall stop here.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Retrospect

A year ago today was the most stressful and happiest day of my life. It was the day I honestly contemplated suicide because of the situation in university halls. I couldn't take it anymore.

It was also the day the people in the office finally let me move out. The tension literally lifted from my shoulders and it was the best feeling in the world.

Now, I'm working on Project Happy with some friends, to bring a bit of that happiness that I felt, to the lives of others, if only momentarily.

A lot can happen in a year, and without the help and support from my friends and family, who knows what my life would be like right now, if it even exists. So I want to say a massive thank you to these people in particular, and send a message to you all. If someone is feeling down, do what you can to help them, you don't know if the situation is minor or major, and you really can make a difference. So please, spread the love.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Reviews? Fractale!

I think I might start writing reviews over the next month of anime I have watched with my friend, John*. I mean, we're working through some pretty quickly as it is, despite deadlines and stuff, so instead of just listing what I have watched, I will write short reviews. I'll be glad to get some recommendations too. Oh, and there are some movies, and some series, and some of them I have seen before but I will review as I go along anyway.

Enri

So we watched Fractale just over a week ago now. It was nice and short, only 11 episodes, set in the future. There is one 'religion' completely different to the faiths we have today. called the Fractale System, and everybody prays to the stars. It shows how little true freedom these people actually have, but they live in unknown ignorance. (Think of the Matrix.)

Clain and Nessa

The story starts at the collapse of this system, where Clain (the main guy) goes on a journey for the secrets of the system, with the help of three unique girls; an outlaw, a priestess and a dopple. Although the anime is short, and some episodes feel really short, the story keeps moving with minimal fillers. There are answers at the end and he comes out of his shell a little. I love his love for 'antiques' which is basically anything physiscal as opposed to the digital world he lives in.

Phryne

Anyway, I liked the anime. :3

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

I don't know why I do this to myself.

Yeah, the title is a bit long..

Anyway, I'm doing this photography project based on graveyards, and I also have to produce a book from it. But that isn't the problem. As it is a delicate area which I thought I had overcome, I wanted it to be a small, intimate book. One of my tutors has other ideas...

This is what I want to make. Different cover of course.

The death of Aaron used to bring tears all the time, and two and a half years later, I thought I could think of him without crying. Until this project. For the purposes of making the book personal, I am having to dig up all the old things I wrote around the time of his death and it brings up the emotions with it.

I am still finalising some details for my pin up on Wednesday, but I am on track with MY idea. I took on this idea because it is close to my heart, to show that as I was going through this tough time, I cleared my mind with time and writing things down. Re-living the memories I had with him, talking with people that knew us both. I found comfort in my friends and they things we wrote together, and this book is to be a gentle reminder. If I can make it so that other people  are moved by its contents, then I have done a good job.

There was really no point for this post, right? :/

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Wishful Thinking

Have you ever wanted anything for ages?
A wish that you truly wanted to come true?
Did it come true?

Mine do.

I have made a few wishes in the past, and the ones that I truly wanted with all my heart (at the time) have come true.
Firstly, I wanted to be magic. And at one point I thought I was. Ok, so this may not have come true.
I wanted a twin, someone who looked exactly like me. So I have my sister, and people get us confused all the time even though we think we look nothing alike.
I wanted to be clever. I didn't work harder but I found some things easier to understand. Like maths.
I wished for a boyfriend. Well, I wanted to date this one guy,and over a year later, he was my first kiss and boyfriend.
When I was depressed, I wished to be happy. Now I'm happily managing bipolar disorder, with fewer and shorter depressive episodes.
I wished to go to university (last minute). I picked stupid subjects for A-levels and basically failed, but one university still accepted me. And here I am.

These are what I remember right now, but if I want something bad enough, it does come true. That may be through luck or hard work, but I believe in wishes coming true.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Tattoos

So, what are your views on body ink?

I personally love them, but there are a few things I would never get, such as:

• Names of partners
• Bands
• Fleeting phases
• Huge pieces.

Although I do have one tattoo (shh, don't tell my dad) which are the japanese characters for 'love' and 'luck'. I have been obsessed with japanese culture for a number of years now, and realised that as a child I preferred anime over cartoons (not that I realised at that age). My love for the japanese has only grown, and my tattoo is in a place that would not normally be seen by the way that I dress. On my ribs.

Earlier today, (instead of doing uni work) I decided to draw out my next tattoo. It's been nine or so months since my first one and I've had this idea for almost the same amount of time. Birds symbolise peace, usually, and this is my attempt at drawing a swallow. I might go to one of my friends that is good at art, and get them to draw or alter my design a little to make it look better. Swallows represent loyalty to a partner or family, the promise of coming back and unconditional love. I wanted one of the blue disney birds to copy and this was my best attempt.

I've planned everything for it, except if I want it in colour. I might just go for a little shading. I want to go back to the same parlour as my first one, unless my friends have any better places, but they have closed and moved to another building further away from me. I want it on my shoulder too, on the opposite side to my first one.

Everyone I have spoken to about it, likes it. But I just need to wait for some more funds first.

Any ideas, or comments on this?

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x 

Trust

Trust.
Faith.
Hope.

These are all things that we should have, but due to experiences, may become lost.

I am overly trusting, yet I don't trust anyone. This means that deep down in my heart, I find it really hard to truly trust anyone. At all. But I find it easy to trust people with simple, unimportant things. So I may appear to trust you, but I really don't.

I have faith in humanity. Well... I like to think that I do. Obviously I have times where I think we are going to stupidify ourselves to extinction, but I try to believe that people are actually nice. I have faith that things will turn out great in the end.

My hopes are similar to my faith. I hope for positive things in the world, for equality (turns out I'm a communist), and for general happiness. I hope for a lot of things, and some of my hopes/wishes come true.

What do you think? I love hearing your replies through Kik. ^.^ Carinaad.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Anime

Do I watch too much anime? Well..... Is there such a thing? ;3

Probably. This is procrastination at its best. And considering the amount of work I have to do, this list is a bit much. Since starting back at uni at the beginning of the month, I have watched:
Pandora Hearts
Yumikui Merry
Special A
Mayo Chiki
Kaichou wa Maid-sama!
Mirai Nikki
Spiral: Suiri no Kizuna
Loveless
11eyes

Yumekui Merry

Special A - Sakura

Spiral

Loveless

11eyes

And I tried watching:
Starry Sky
To Love-Ru
Moonphase
Maria Holic
MM!
Yuru Yuri

So um... Maybe I started these around Christmas actually, the list seems a bit long for two weeks... Make that almost two months. :) And these are what I actually remember, my laptop history doesn't seem to go back very far...

How do you procrastinate? Do you watch anime too?

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Catfish

It's not a fish that look like a cat....

I mean people that pretend to be others online. Seen the movie or TV series called Catfish with Niv? 

Basically, the internet is a really easy place to pretend to be someone else. And some people create friendships and more with catfish, without realising, obviously. I met this girl online once, and we've become great friends, but when we first met, she pretended to be a 19 y/o guy. She's 12... She told me within a couple of weeks, must have gotten confused as she spoke to me as herself and 'her older cousin' and her information got muddled up.

It's so easy, see what I mean? The internet is full of people who don't like themselves, or their lives, and so they create a new persona. As long as you don't intend to harm anyone, or love them, there shouldn't be a problem. But what if the other person falls for you? How do you come clean? And can a friendship be based on what is essentially a pack of lies?

Just think about it. And be careful on the interwebs.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Graveyards

Last week, I went to a graveyard to do some photography last minute to hand in for my brief.
I cried.

I found that going to a cemetery is extremely emotional, even though I did not know anyone there. I think it's the idea of death which frightens me the most. Not because I don't want to die (I have had suicidal thoughts and actions in the past), but because of the people I will leave behind. No matter what you think of yourself, there are always people out there who will mourn your death, who love you now and forever, and who will miss you loads. This is what friends and family are. Despite how annoying you are to siblings, you will still be missed.

Oh, I found this place very beautiful yet sad and upsetting at the same time. And I saw a Raven. On a tombstone. Cawing. D:

I have lost someone dear to me, as you know, and I don't want to put anyone through that. I don't want to be an emotional burden, but I also don't want anyone to rejoice that I have passed because I'm an awful person. It's hard to describe, but I'm sure you'll understand. I don't want to be hated, but loved. But I don't want my passing to put others in turmoil.

Now, I don't know where any of my family is buried, I even asked my mum after and she said that her parents had their ashes scattered. I can't even visit the grandparents that I never met. As for other family, we are spread out around the world with family all over the South of England, Canada, Africa and some of Europe. I have no way of knowing these people.

Just remember, you will always be remembered by those lives you have touched. Be remembered for the good you do, not the bad.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

I Failed

For the first time in my life, I have failed at something that I sort of cared about. I'm usually pretty lucky as I get my own way a lot, but this shocked me.

So, I applied for extenuating circumstances on one piece of coursework last semester, and handed it in a week late due to the drama and fear of living in the previous flat last November. That led to me not doing any work at all. I was given false information throughout the process, and when my results came through last Wednesday, it turns out that I got a big fat ZERO. I've never had a zero in my life, and it had to happen in my second year of university.

I am now taking an extra subject this semester, with readings for another subject. This brings me up to almost double the amount of work I usually do, and now I have to resubmit my work in August.

But I've been told that it is possible to trail one module into my third year anyway, and that I shouldn't stress too much. Now I just want to know why my request was rejected. I'm not going to let this get me down, I will find out why it was rejected the first time round, if I need to put much effort in incase the work is capped at 40% and I will get the work done again.

This is how I think, when something puts me down, I just think 'Is there a way around this hurdle?' because everything happens for a reason, right? I feel that I am destined for greater things, and no matter what gets in my way, I will achieve it. My motivation may lack sometimes, but if something is meant to be, then I will get there.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Perspective

So I was sitting there in the bar and this guy comes up to me and he said "My life stinks" and I saw his gold credit card and I saw the way he was looking at people across the room and I looked at his face and you know, what a good looking face, and I just said, "Dude, your perspective on life sucks". ~ Mika, Blame it on the Girls.

Every situation can be perceived in different ways by different people. And Mika makes a very good point in the beginning of this song. No matter how much you have, you can see the down-side, yet you can always see the best in bad situations. Try and be grateful for what you do have, instead of wishing you have what you don't. 'My life sucks' and 'FML' (back in my day) are thrown around way too much. 

I went back to my old town today, and well, everyone looked so miserable. My mum was driving, and we burst into laughter creating lives for the sad people and laughing at them. We probably looked crazy together, but laughing is so good for you. Especially as I actually saw the sun for the first time in ages. 'I swear she was glaring at the man crossing the road. Nahh, actually she was glaring at me. She hates me laughing.' Just silly things like that. People seem to get more jealous(?) and sad when they see others enjoying life. But I don't care what they think, I was singing in the shops, laughing at everything, jumped up and down in excitement over some doughnuts (my town doesn't seem to stock them ANYWHERE at the moment) and just enjoying life. We laughed at my mum screaming 'Flood!' everytime she saw a large puddle in the road, as if the cars behind could hear her warning.

Basically, enjoy the little things, and happiness will follow. I know this sounds too easy to be true, but it works for me (most of the time ;3).

Unconditional love, 

Cazzie x

Religion vs Good People

I consider myself to be religious, yet not really religious.

I can't tell if he looks bored or judgmental? Probably neither.

I believe in God, was brought up in a Christian family and went to Catholic schools. However, I stopped going to church regularly from the age when I was allowed to stay home alone. Both my parents go to church each week, but to different denominations. My mum goes to the Salvation Army while my dad is a Pentecostal, speaking in tongues, gospel singing kind of guy.

I do not think that religious people are good. Maybe I've had a few too many run ins with religious people that I do not like. Both my parents have abused me at some point in my life, luckily not at the same time. The man who got me kicked out my house was supposedly extremely religious. Oh, and I've been called a 'bad Christian'.

I may not go to church, but I still believe. I pray for others, and sometimes for my pain to go away. I try not to be selfish, but there's only so much a human can do. I'm not perfect and I accept that. I give to charity when I can, but as a student, I am often in debt and asking my dad to help me out financially with the intention to pay him back.

I think that as long as you try to be a good person, you will go to Heaven. Religion aside. It's your intentions that count, not if you force others to believe a religion you pretend to believe in. Yes, God may be with you in every step of your life, but please, don't tell me there's someone watching over my shoulder all the time. That's just creepy.

There are too many people out there that go to church and think that's all they need to do. They do not give to charity, they do not consider others and are not nice people.
*I went to my dad's church once and they said "If you have any money with you, you must give it to the church. It's what God wants."* I mean, what if you just received a late birthday card and it had a little bit of money in it? You expect me to give you a gift that was intended for me? Heck no! They looked down on me when I emptied my pockets to prove I had no money with me at all. (Never make a ten year old feel poor for not carrying cash.)

I'm sorry, but in my eyes, forcing and pressurising others to come to your church and believe in God is not being religious. 'Love thy neighbour', surely as they are? Jesus didn't discriminate against the Jews for not following him, so why should we shun the non-believers?

We have so many religions, so why can't we accept that instead of implying 'Our religion is the only true religion'. No, the basic foundations are all the same. Three pillars that I forgot from Religious Studies; Charity being the only one I remember.

So can we all just try to be good people? Pretty please?

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

This Town Sucks

Sorry Crawley!!! (Not really sorry.)

To all those who know me, it is not a surprise that I absolutely hate my town with a passion. In fact, I go on about it so much.

"Where do you come from, before coming to uni?"
"Oh, just a little sucky/rubbish town near Gatwick."

I rarely say the name of my town unless I'm telling people that I'm back.

Anyway, I went into town earlier today just to buy a few tops because I didn't bring much from uni and I'm bored with my clothes. I successfully bought a pair of shoes in the sale yesterday and thought I would try my luck again. Now, I have a specific taste and am quite fussy with my clothes, so this is be taken into account.
I walked home from town with ... wait for it... a hot chocolate from Costa >.<.

Haha, my colourful wall and bedsheets ^.^

I didn't buy anything!

The shops here have barely any variety, and the numbers are slowly dwindling. We have so many 'coffee shops' that you could say "Let's go to town for some coffee, and maybe do some shopping after." Instead of "Let's go shopping and get a bite to eat after."

The town is full of clones, and the shops are the reason why. This is why online shopping is on the rise with obesity as going out shopping means finding nothing. As soon as I got home, I ordered a bag from Accessorize, which they did not have in store. Trust me, I went in every store that sold womens clothes. I went to Blue Inc before remembering that this store was mens wear only! It's nothing like Westfield and cannot wait to get back to London.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

J.Reyez

What can I really say?

He's Korean.

He's Canadian.

He's kinda cute.

I love his lyrics.

Rap/ Hip-hop is my all-time favourite genre.

I may have re-wrote the lyrics a little wrong as I did them from memory as soon as I got into class, and heard the song on my journey. Haha.

So I discovered J.Reyez years and years ago, when he did a parody of 'Like a G6' on Youtube (I believe it was something to do with a seagull?). Remember when that song came out? That's when I started listening to this guy. I don't know how, but he was already in my subscriptions so I started watching other videos.

This was long before my kpop obsession, as 3/4 years is fairly recent. I found him during my Canadian obsession. I've had a few obsessions over the years xD.

Anyway, I knew that he collaborated with Lydia Paek a lot in his albums, and she features in quite a lot of his videos too. Now, I didn't know she was with YG Entertainment until very late last year (as in, the last few days of December). And, best of all, she's even worked with G-Dragon a few times. <3

So jealous haha.

So J.Reyez raps about his life, and in a way he is a bit like Eminem. He does kpop covers in English, produces his own albums and songs, goes on tour and is quite successful now even if he isn't that famous to everyone. But he still has loads of fans.

I personally think he is quite inspirational as an artist and would love to meet him one day. Anyway, I've gone off topic, back on topic and probably make no sense right now, so this is goodbye.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

Contact Me

I love speaking to people all the time, and I get lonely at times. I can also try and give you some advice. So here are the best ways of getting in touch. I do try to reply, but I don't always use all of these methods all the time. Just try your luck ^.^

Skype: carinahasskype
Kik: carinaad
Twitter: carinaxx94 (I had to change it and privatize it for personal reasons)
E-mail (no guarantee): caz.a.d@hotmail.com

I also use various other ways, so just comment below or ask through one of the above. ^.^ Let's talk.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Magic

What if magic was real? If it actually existed.

I believe it does. But not in the fairy tale kind of way. I believe that if you believe in something enough, it becomes true. Your imagination is not just your brain making things up, but a 'third eye' sort of thing looking into a parallel or alternative dimension.

We all possess magic, and 'magicians' are the ones who have managed to tap into their abilities and make a THING out of it. The world isn't as boring as it seems. I have noticed that if I wish for something enough, with all my heart, it becomes true. Small things, nothing drastic though. And it has only happened a few times.

I live in my own world, as you can tell. At age 5, I thought that I knocked over a basket in class with my powers. I wanted it to happen, and truly thought I had done it. It wasn't the wind because the door was closed and we were inside, and no one was near it to knock it over, and it wasn't on the edge of the table either. I saw it move and fall off. I thought it was me! I was so excited that I told my mum when I got home and said "I'm a witch!" :)

There are many types of modern 'magical' people out there; wiccans, magicians, fortune tellers, etc, and for obvious reasons I cannot tell you certain things, but I do enjoy reading this sort of fiction. Imagine if everything you reason was real, just not in our world? It's truly amazing what you can see if you just believe.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Happy New Year - Part 2

Happy New Year (again)!!

Do any of you have any New Years Resolutions? You know, the whole 'new year, new me' sort of thing?
How about keeping it simple 'I will be nicer to my parents'.

My half one is to take more selfies. I looked through my Instagram a couple of weeks ago, and realised that most of my stuff is boring and either food or random things that no one would find interesting at all. So I decided at that point (before Christmas), that more pictures will be of me. Hopefully it will boost my self-esteem or confidence, or something.

I haven't made a resolution for almost 10 years, (I must have been around 9, maybe younger) so let's just see how this goes. So far so good ^.^ Check my progress @carinadumfeh on Instagram ^.^

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

This is AMAZING!!!

So a couple of days ago, I found this and thought that I must share it with you.

There's a Korean photographer/artist called Jee Young Lee who creates wonderful scenes from her tiny studio room.

Each scene can take up to months to create, but I'm sure you'll think the time is worth it.

What's better is that she does not use Photoshop at all with any of these photographs. That's rare these days.

There are loads more if you just Google her name. So what do you think? Is the effort worth it?

I sure think so.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x