Leaving The Country?

I'm about to embark on a magical journey to the capital of Ghana for summer?

Say what?!

I got a text off my older siblings yesterday, asking why I'm leaving the UK. Obviously, I was confused and asked what they meant. Eventually, one replied saying that I'm going to live in Ghana. Well... considering my passport hasn't arrived yet, I don't see how that is possible. I don't even know how they got this information, I never mentioned a thing to my family, except saying that I don't want to live with my mum ever again.

Anyway, I move away from beautiful London on Thursday, to my crummy town. Summer is going to be awful, after all the optimism I had just a few posts ago. First things first, I must get a job.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Update (16/06/2014): My brother head it from my sister, who heard it from a friend, who 'heard' it from my mum... -.-

Homeless?

So I went  home on Tuesday to look for jobs and see my mum... I was in the house half an hour, before the arguing started. In fact, it started when I got in after a terrible previous couple of days, plus little sleep. I shouted quite a bit, and left saying that I won't be back for summer. I basically told my mum some truths that have been bugging me for a few years.

So, with no where to to go over summer, unless I contemplate suicide living there again, I decided to contact my missing father. He's rented out his house while away, and well, he hasn't gotten back to me about his other properties yet. :( Seriously, what does being 'daddy's favourite' get you? Nothing, that's what.

I could live with a couple of friends over summer, but that makes it harder for finding a job, especially if I keep skipping cities between the south coast and the midlands. This will be a long 3/4 months of summer. My friend also cannot afford a deposit yet for our flat in London, the plan is to move in during September.

But I believe things will work out, somehow. Gotta keep positive, I have two weeks...

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

"Don't Judge Me"

Don't ask for the impossible.

We are human, we will judge you whether you like it or not. BUT, it is our choice to take that judgement seriously or get to know you before making a proper judgment.

Just hope that more people have positive judgements or ignore their judgement upon first meeting :).

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Don't You Get It?

Just a little rant/story of today.

So I was in university (as usual) and this guy in my lecture spoke to me between that and our seminar, and we ended up buying a smoothie down the road. He paid for it and everything, but the longer I spoke to him, the more I thought he was into me..
We got back in the building and had ten minutes to spare, so we spoke some more. He was thrilled to find out about where my family come from, and his family is from a neighboring country. Then we somehow spoke about the 'guys' I'm into. I never outright said that I'm not currently into guys (and maybe I should have), but I did mention Korea and Japan a lot. Then he invited me out for dinner Thursday. Now, I'm used to just going out for dinner with friends casually, so I agreed.

I'm pretty sure everyone knows about my love for G Dragon.

We went to our respective rooms and I later saw him on my way back from lunch. The hugged me and went to (I assume) kiss my lips but I moved so he caught my cheek. He checked that I would text him later today (whoops, I forgot until I typed that), and we left at that as he was going home, and I had work to go through.

This gets me thinking. If I say I'm *only* into East Asian Guys (exclude girls for a second), and you're half Jew/ half African, then I'm not interested.

Also, is this now a date?!

I'm so clueless about these things..

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Pretty Little Liars

This is one of about 5/6 shows I watch on a regular basis, when they're aired of course. I follow the programme online as I don't seem to be able to find it on TV in my country, plus I like to watch things around my schedule, not the broadcasters.

I know that most people write reviews and such after the season or show has finished, or after a mid-season finale, yet I am writing a little now. Because I'm that normal :P.

Spencer, Hanna (blonde), Aria and Emily.

Anyway, we're well into season 4, and it's getting as good as season 1 now :D. It's a show that follows these four friends, starting a year after their friend, Ali's, death. Ali brought these girls together in life, and now they stay together because of the person that calls him/herself, A. The seasons have gone through many suspects, 4(?) more deaths, a series of love interests and many twists and turns. The last episode I watched, made me gasp, and wonder what A has planned next. The more the girls dig for clues, and get closer to finding out the truth, the worse the consequences.

Aria

This show has taken us from beautiful Rosewood, to the creepy Ravenswood, and everywhere in between. No place is safe, and it has even made me a little more aware of what goes on around me. Only a little. ;)

Ali

We *think* we know who Red Coat is, but we still don't have all the answers. I don't want to release any spoilers with my other questions so: Why/what was Ali hiding? Who are all the people in her diary? And what else are the girls hiding?

Spencer

There's supposed to be another season after this, and hopefully between now and then, everything will make sense.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Religion vs Good People

I consider myself to be religious, yet not really religious.

I can't tell if he looks bored or judgmental? Probably neither.

I believe in God, was brought up in a Christian family and went to Catholic schools. However, I stopped going to church regularly from the age when I was allowed to stay home alone. Both my parents go to church each week, but to different denominations. My mum goes to the Salvation Army while my dad is a Pentecostal, speaking in tongues, gospel singing kind of guy.

I do not think that religious people are good. Maybe I've had a few too many run ins with religious people that I do not like. Both my parents have abused me at some point in my life, luckily not at the same time. The man who got me kicked out my house was supposedly extremely religious. Oh, and I've been called a 'bad Christian'.

I may not go to church, but I still believe. I pray for others, and sometimes for my pain to go away. I try not to be selfish, but there's only so much a human can do. I'm not perfect and I accept that. I give to charity when I can, but as a student, I am often in debt and asking my dad to help me out financially with the intention to pay him back.

I think that as long as you try to be a good person, you will go to Heaven. Religion aside. It's your intentions that count, not if you force others to believe a religion you pretend to believe in. Yes, God may be with you in every step of your life, but please, don't tell me there's someone watching over my shoulder all the time. That's just creepy.

There are too many people out there that go to church and think that's all they need to do. They do not give to charity, they do not consider others and are not nice people.
*I went to my dad's church once and they said "If you have any money with you, you must give it to the church. It's what God wants."* I mean, what if you just received a late birthday card and it had a little bit of money in it? You expect me to give you a gift that was intended for me? Heck no! They looked down on me when I emptied my pockets to prove I had no money with me at all. (Never make a ten year old feel poor for not carrying cash.)

I'm sorry, but in my eyes, forcing and pressurising others to come to your church and believe in God is not being religious. 'Love thy neighbour', surely as they are? Jesus didn't discriminate against the Jews for not following him, so why should we shun the non-believers?

We have so many religions, so why can't we accept that instead of implying 'Our religion is the only true religion'. No, the basic foundations are all the same. Three pillars that I forgot from Religious Studies; Charity being the only one I remember.

So can we all just try to be good people? Pretty please?

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

Destiny - Part 2

The journey.

The journey can be split into four different, main categories.
1, easy road, good outcome.
2, easy road, bad outcome.
3, tough road, brilliant outcome.
4, tough road, bad outcome.

Interpret this as you wish. When I thought of this, I figured that if you are motivated but have a load of obstacles in the way (tough road), your outcome will be brilliant in comparison.
However, there is the chance that you won't make it, usually because you don't think you can handle the pressure.

Life gives its toughest battles to its strongest soldiers.

God will never give you more than you can handle. ~I can't remember where I heard these but they have always stuck with me since. 

I look around me, and have noticed that most celebrities who have reached the top, came from broken or deprived backgrounds.
Then again, some have it easy by being born into the lifestyle and just carrying it on.

Generally (yes, I'm sure you can think of plenty of EXCEPTIONS), the higher the motivation a person has to succeed, the further they will go.

There's a higher level than the top, don't make do with what you've got. ~ Chipmunk.

So I've deviated from 'destiny' quite a bit, but it links in with my previous post. Destiny may be your purpose in life, but we can make and reach our own hopes, dreams and goals. Just don't forget to enjoy the juorney. ;)

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Destiny - Part 1

So my mum has been leaving this pamphlet around a lot lately, and on the cover it says "two roads, two destinies, one choice" And it got me thinking.

What if we have two destinies? I mean, two roads don't lead to the same place, and everyone would pick the easy route, right? Some of us may have an easy journey compared to others, and some people may have it really difficult.

What if our destinies are complete opposites, so really successful or really depressing. We are all here for a reason, and we all have the potential to make a difference. No matter how big or small. Even if our role is to give life to a person who makes a huge difference in your country or the world.

Some of us realise our purpose before others. It took my mum until she was in her early to mid fifties to notice that she's here to help those in need. Mostly animals before moving on to a child. Her mother fostered a load of children too, so maybe destiny is hereditory too? I want to help children, so that they do not suffer as much, but I hate children. So I aspire to be a social worker now... My mum is also really good with managing money, so if she had the right support as she grew up, she could have been a financial advisor. That would have paid a lot better than what she does do, but the path she took helped more lives with a bigger impact.

When I mentioned success earlier, I do not mean in the financial way. It's how successful you perceive yourself to be. Are you happy with your life? What are your main goals? Is it money, or something else?

Can you really be happy, if you just work for money? Do something you believe in, make a change.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Paranoia

So I get paranoid sometimes, but in my mind, it's not unrealistic.

My mother and myself have realised (together) that when we think something is happening to us or that we are being targeted we are actually right. People look at us and think we are mad or something, but we test our theories and come out right.

When I was young, my mum thought we were being racially targeted. She told her brothers and other family that she felt unsafe where she was living, an later found evidence of people breaking into a mid-terrace back garden which had no access from the back. She found other peoples' footprints in the sand pit. So we moved house the first time.

Whilst at uni, I thought that someone was using my stuff. So I started to deliberately leave my stuff in certain places and positions, and then I would notice if it had moved. I was right. I also noticed my mug 'missing' one day and could not find it at all. Later that day, a flatmate came into to kitchen with it. The one person that seemed to hate me in that flat was taking my stuff.

Now I am noticing (after moving buildings) that my milk is going missing. Before I was just confused, but after my (almost) whole box of cereal had been eaten (I rarely eat breakfast), and half of my remaining ice-cream being eaten, I knew something was up. So now I take a sharpie into the kitchen if I know I will be using milk for anything. I make a mark where it finishes and if the milk line is lower, I mark it with a line and '?'. The '?' is for when I don't use it myself. The marks are on the back of the bottle, so they can't be seen easily, but I wrote on the front for someone to stop using it. Unless I put cameras up in the kitchen, I will not catch the culprit. :(

My next thought is to get a mini fridge in my room (against my contract terms) so that I am not being stolen from as much. This is so frustrating. >.<

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

University #6

I think I am now ready to explain what happened last week. (Sorry I haven't posted in a while.)

It all started from when we first moved in together. There's this one girl (I think I called her Mel in another post), and she kept leaving her washing up in the sink that we are all supposed to use. Mel also left her rubbish bin in the hallway, for up to three weeks in which Brian put it in the bin for her. BRIAN DOESN'T EVEN LIVE HERE, HE GOES TO A DIFFERENT UNI!
Oh, and have I mentioned that she often leaves her stuff in her bedroom long enough for it to grow mold? Then laughs and leaves it in the kitchen. I'M ALLERGIC TO MOLD :(

So, Mel went home for the weekend. She left the sink full of her stuff. She put a bin bag in the hallway three days before she left. Friday afternoon (she left that morning), we noticed all this and decided that enough was enough. She had told all of us that she loves cleaning, and that's the one thing she has NEVER done here.

Being sick of everything being left, and living in almost filth, we opened up two of her cupboards. One of them just had a plastic mixing bowl on the top shelf, so Brian put the small bin bag on the bottom shelf. I collected the bag from the hallway and put it on the kitchen floor. Shanay either handed Brian the bag or put it in the cupboard herself.
Let's clear some things up, Lizzy, James, Shanay, Brian and I were all in the kitchen at this point.
Brian then moved all of Mel's food to the top shelf of the other cupboard (amazing packing skills, I must say). Lizzy handed him the pots and pans, while James and I emptied them all. Brian continued to pack all of her stuff into this cupboard.
We all played our part.

Mel came home Sunday evening, found out what happened and used 'kik' to exclaim her outrage. Unfortunately, due to changing my phone (it was in for repair and my tablet no longer has these messages), I cannot prove anything, but the it was a group conversation and so someone will have these still.
Monday, Mel decided to have a meeting with everyone. I was out. Doing photography. I was recieving texts during a photoshoot telling me that Mel hates the fact that I wasn't home, and she's angry with us all.
Tuesday (I was at work all day), Mel moves out. I was home at 8pm-ish (that's early for me) and saw her finish emptying the fridge and freezer, with a shopping trolley. She didn't say a word to me.

Apparently, Shanay said that everything was Brian's fault, and that she had nothing to do with it. It took James and Lizzy a lot of effort to also clear Phil's name.

Now this story is long and I promise to finish it tomorrow. At least, very soon. Something happened Wednesday and so I shall leave that for another post.

Goodnight my lovelies ^.^ x

University #4

Life sucks. Welcome to the side of me that I hate..

I have no job, I found out that I only have £600 to spend until christmas because my rent is so expensive, and I need to live off that for 3 months :(

I was feeling ill, so asked someone to make me dinner, he then calls and says its really disrespectful because he has a girlfriend? I mean, can I not be your friend anymore, last I remember, YOU were OFFERING to make me dinner.
That made me feel guilty and now I'm in this damn pit, a dark, lifeless pit of despair.

Oh, someone has used my cheese in the past day, then put in on another persons shelf...
And someone (else?) has used my dish sponge to clean all the burnt stuff off of their pans. We have more sponges than people in this flat, use that! Worst thing is, I'm 98% sure of who did it, and she won't freaking admit it.

This is putting a downer on my day, and possibly on the weekend, and rest of the damn month. Just because I don't advertise that I'm bipolar, it doesn't mean that I'm sane and will take this with a pinch of salt like I usually do.

All of this combined is making me depressed. >.<


I'm gonna go cry now, bye. D':

Hypocrites / Pet Peeves

Don't you hate it when someone says 'I really like someone with.....' And then they date the opposite? I do that :/

My friend just posted on Twitter that he likes girls with an ass. His girlfriend is a stick...

So... 20 Things I hate about people... :

1. People that text/message you first then take forever to reply.
2. Having different personalities when they talk to different people (going from something to quiet is fine though), I mean being really girly with some friends, then acting like a tomboy/rebel with others.
3. Having bare feet, especially around me.
4. Ditching you to live alone but ending up living with other people. Just tell me the fricking truth. >.<
5. Smokers.
6. Druggies.
7. People with no self respect.
8. Assuming people's sexuality (yes we all do it, but explicitly mentioning it in a conversation like "as a girl, what do you look for in a guy?" [or girl]).
9. Music too loud when I want to sleep.
10. Being inconsiderate.
11. 'Fake' people.
12. PDA! (Public Displays of Affection.)
13. Hating someone before knowing them.
14. Hating on a stereotype (gays).
15. Rudeness.
16. Making up things about their past.
17. Criminals. 
18. Too much make-up.
19. Grammatically incorrect, all the time. (How did you get into university?)
20. Overly egotistic.