Introducing: Project Happy UK

As a follow up from my previous post, I want to share with you the first video we produced as part of Project Happy.

We currently have a blog set up, with tips on getting through uni, and dealing with stress, among many future topics we will cover in relation to mental wellbeing. You can find it at www.projecthappyuk.wordpress.com  where Sarah and Katharine post weekly on Sundays. (I used real names for once).
We also have a twitter and instagram set up, both with the usernames @projecthappyuk.
Please follow and support us, if you have any suggestions, we will be sure to look into them and see what we can do. You can email us at: projecthappyuk@gmail.com

Thank you as always.
Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Retrospect

A year ago today was the most stressful and happiest day of my life. It was the day I honestly contemplated suicide because of the situation in university halls. I couldn't take it anymore.

It was also the day the people in the office finally let me move out. The tension literally lifted from my shoulders and it was the best feeling in the world.

Now, I'm working on Project Happy with some friends, to bring a bit of that happiness that I felt, to the lives of others, if only momentarily.

A lot can happen in a year, and without the help and support from my friends and family, who knows what my life would be like right now, if it even exists. So I want to say a massive thank you to these people in particular, and send a message to you all. If someone is feeling down, do what you can to help them, you don't know if the situation is minor or major, and you really can make a difference. So please, spread the love.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

DRAMAtical Murder

I... I... How do I explain this?

Is the title relevant? Vaguely.
Was it good? God YES.

This anime follows the life of one particular character, Aoba Seragaki, a few years after a tragic accident. He lost his memories but still appears to continue his life as normal. He has a pet Allmate, Ren, who accompanies him everywhere, and a series of friends who seem to know more than they let on. Raised by his witty Gran, Aoba isn't as normal as everyone around him, but he doesn't realise that all his friends seem to have secret lives too.

If you can get past the strange names, ie, Clear, Noiz, Virus, then you should at least give this a try. I watched it with my sister and she got confused in the first few episodes but I found it pretty self-explanatory.

Ok, so this anime had so much potential and I really did love it. There's a bit of intrigue and mystery to keep you hooked. Unusual characters crop up and have great backstories (like, seriously? I don't think any of the main characters can be called normal). And this is what I loved. But the last 2 episodes crammed so much into them, the season should have been a bit longer. And the ending :O I hadn't played the game and reading the comments literally explained the last few minutes of the anime for me. Honestly, the last episode ruined it for me, but that shouldn't put you off watching it. It actually answers questions, unlike some seasons I have watched.

Best thing is, I've heard there is a second season coming out soon, so maybe that won't rush the ending. Anyway, it's taken me 3 days to attempt to write this and I really should get on with my university work (the last year is so intensive and I intend to keep on top of things even better than last year).

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

RIP Peaches Geldof

It's true, and I've just heard of it.

I remember watching a documentary on her a few years back and sort of admired Peaches. She was funny, had a career and didn't seem to care what people thought. She was herself.

I guess this just goes to show how short life can be, she left behind two beautiful young children and she will be missed. At just 25, her whole life was ahead of her...

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Too Small To Model, Yet Taller Than My Friends

Just what the title says.

I was working on Saturday and someone came up to me asking if I model. When I said 'No', he asked if I had ever modelled. My positive reply led to a disagreement over how I should/shouldn't consider myself a model. Apparently I have the face a figure for it. One little problem, I'm not very tall.

When I was measured at the doctors, I was said to be 5'4. I always thought I was an inch or two taller than that, but this is still short in terms of modelling. Most agencies require you to be 5'8 without shoes.

Also, like most girls around the Western world, I do not consider myself to be thin. I know that I am not fat as UK size 10 clothes are a little big on me now (need to do some major shopping), but I find my abs are getting strong enough to fade the hourglass figure I was once so proud of.

'Baggy' skinny jeans... Friend's house.

I know, I know, I have big hair. Now, when I see myself, I don't see what everyone else sees.
Models are 1) incredibly tall, and 2) incredibly thin. I love my food. I'm even eating as I type this. I eat quite healthily but every so often,, I binge on junk food... If I work out, I make sure to eat even more. Imagine me, trying to be one to them.. no thank you. I'M HAPPY BEING AVERAGE (for once).

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

I Was A Boy

Not quite...

So, I have a rare memory from when I was very young (you know how I can't remember most of my childhood?) and it's from when I must have been about three or four. It's one of my clearest memories, because I can put myself back there.
I was sitting on the floor in my second house, by the living room door. My dad was standing next to me and my mum was behind me on the sofa. For some reason I was facing the wall, away from my parents. I remember wearing black leggings, as I spread my legs and looked down below. I thought I had a penis. I also had an awkwardly placed hole in my leggings.
"Mum, am I a boy?"
I looked round to her as she replied, "Of course not. Why would you think that?"
I replied, "Because I have a willy."
I wasn't wearing underwear. I must have been at the age where my mum trusted me to dress myself but I wasn't exactly good at remembering everything I had to wear.

So yeah, I thought I was a boy when I was really young. I thought I would share this as I haven't thought about it until recently, and I'm currently trying to work out who I am. I know who I am right now, but I need to know who I used to be. If I can accept myself, I can love myself more. And that's all that matters.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Body Image

I know I will probably get some hate over this, but I don't really care. These are my opinions and should not be taken too seriously.

Like most girls my age, I grew up playing with Barbie dolls, so my views on beauty are probably as messed up as society, BUT I don't think you need to be stick thin to be perfect. Or as near to perfect as a person can be.

I have one rule on being 'slim' and that is to not allow my stomach to be bigger than my breasts. It used to be as a child, not because I was fat, but because I didn't eat right. I looked like the malnourished children in Africa, that they show on tv. Just, not as severe. I grew up with a little piece of advice I read in a magazine at 12, which was a simple way of toning your stomach. This is basically sucking it in or tensing it whenever you walk somewhere, and only relaxing when seated or laying down. Simple enough, right? Trust me, it works. I had the tightest stomach out my my friends who didn't work out.

Later in life (aged 18) I finally joined the gym. I was going to join at a much younger age (15) but the joining fees were high and my dad didn't think I would stick to it so wouldn't pay up. My best friend, however, became obsessed with losing weight. We started off at the same size, UK 8-10, but within a year, she became smaller than me while my breasts increased causing me to buy larger tops (that's my excuse anyway). So now I join the gym for 3 months at a time, and have a couple of months off during the university holidays. I got more toned, and my breasts shrunk to a C/D cup. Whoo, I can buy size 10 tops again xD.

Barbie vs average person

That was completely off topic. I was going to go on about how fat people shouldn't let themselves get like that. Like, if you have wings instead of arms, can't fit through the tube doors (small end-of-carriage doors), or have difficulty walking and breathing, you have a major problem. If you are my version of 'slim', I don't care if you're size 8 or 16, you're beautiful. Screw Barbie and her ideas of being plastic. Just don't get so small that you look like a twig that I could snap with two fingers...

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

(I might do a part two of me actually ranting about this issue.)

I Failed

For the first time in my life, I have failed at something that I sort of cared about. I'm usually pretty lucky as I get my own way a lot, but this shocked me.

So, I applied for extenuating circumstances on one piece of coursework last semester, and handed it in a week late due to the drama and fear of living in the previous flat last November. That led to me not doing any work at all. I was given false information throughout the process, and when my results came through last Wednesday, it turns out that I got a big fat ZERO. I've never had a zero in my life, and it had to happen in my second year of university.

I am now taking an extra subject this semester, with readings for another subject. This brings me up to almost double the amount of work I usually do, and now I have to resubmit my work in August.

But I've been told that it is possible to trail one module into my third year anyway, and that I shouldn't stress too much. Now I just want to know why my request was rejected. I'm not going to let this get me down, I will find out why it was rejected the first time round, if I need to put much effort in incase the work is capped at 40% and I will get the work done again.

This is how I think, when something puts me down, I just think 'Is there a way around this hurdle?' because everything happens for a reason, right? I feel that I am destined for greater things, and no matter what gets in my way, I will achieve it. My motivation may lack sometimes, but if something is meant to be, then I will get there.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Perspective

So I was sitting there in the bar and this guy comes up to me and he said "My life stinks" and I saw his gold credit card and I saw the way he was looking at people across the room and I looked at his face and you know, what a good looking face, and I just said, "Dude, your perspective on life sucks". ~ Mika, Blame it on the Girls.

Every situation can be perceived in different ways by different people. And Mika makes a very good point in the beginning of this song. No matter how much you have, you can see the down-side, yet you can always see the best in bad situations. Try and be grateful for what you do have, instead of wishing you have what you don't. 'My life sucks' and 'FML' (back in my day) are thrown around way too much. 

I went back to my old town today, and well, everyone looked so miserable. My mum was driving, and we burst into laughter creating lives for the sad people and laughing at them. We probably looked crazy together, but laughing is so good for you. Especially as I actually saw the sun for the first time in ages. 'I swear she was glaring at the man crossing the road. Nahh, actually she was glaring at me. She hates me laughing.' Just silly things like that. People seem to get more jealous(?) and sad when they see others enjoying life. But I don't care what they think, I was singing in the shops, laughing at everything, jumped up and down in excitement over some doughnuts (my town doesn't seem to stock them ANYWHERE at the moment) and just enjoying life. We laughed at my mum screaming 'Flood!' everytime she saw a large puddle in the road, as if the cars behind could hear her warning.

Basically, enjoy the little things, and happiness will follow. I know this sounds too easy to be true, but it works for me (most of the time ;3).

Unconditional love, 

Cazzie x

Destiny - Part 2

The journey.

The journey can be split into four different, main categories.
1, easy road, good outcome.
2, easy road, bad outcome.
3, tough road, brilliant outcome.
4, tough road, bad outcome.

Interpret this as you wish. When I thought of this, I figured that if you are motivated but have a load of obstacles in the way (tough road), your outcome will be brilliant in comparison.
However, there is the chance that you won't make it, usually because you don't think you can handle the pressure.

Life gives its toughest battles to its strongest soldiers.

God will never give you more than you can handle. ~I can't remember where I heard these but they have always stuck with me since. 

I look around me, and have noticed that most celebrities who have reached the top, came from broken or deprived backgrounds.
Then again, some have it easy by being born into the lifestyle and just carrying it on.

Generally (yes, I'm sure you can think of plenty of EXCEPTIONS), the higher the motivation a person has to succeed, the further they will go.

There's a higher level than the top, don't make do with what you've got. ~ Chipmunk.

So I've deviated from 'destiny' quite a bit, but it links in with my previous post. Destiny may be your purpose in life, but we can make and reach our own hopes, dreams and goals. Just don't forget to enjoy the juorney. ;)

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Destiny - Part 1

So my mum has been leaving this pamphlet around a lot lately, and on the cover it says "two roads, two destinies, one choice" And it got me thinking.

What if we have two destinies? I mean, two roads don't lead to the same place, and everyone would pick the easy route, right? Some of us may have an easy journey compared to others, and some people may have it really difficult.

What if our destinies are complete opposites, so really successful or really depressing. We are all here for a reason, and we all have the potential to make a difference. No matter how big or small. Even if our role is to give life to a person who makes a huge difference in your country or the world.

Some of us realise our purpose before others. It took my mum until she was in her early to mid fifties to notice that she's here to help those in need. Mostly animals before moving on to a child. Her mother fostered a load of children too, so maybe destiny is hereditory too? I want to help children, so that they do not suffer as much, but I hate children. So I aspire to be a social worker now... My mum is also really good with managing money, so if she had the right support as she grew up, she could have been a financial advisor. That would have paid a lot better than what she does do, but the path she took helped more lives with a bigger impact.

When I mentioned success earlier, I do not mean in the financial way. It's how successful you perceive yourself to be. Are you happy with your life? What are your main goals? Is it money, or something else?

Can you really be happy, if you just work for money? Do something you believe in, make a change.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

J.Reyez

What can I really say?

He's Korean.

He's Canadian.

He's kinda cute.

I love his lyrics.

Rap/ Hip-hop is my all-time favourite genre.

I may have re-wrote the lyrics a little wrong as I did them from memory as soon as I got into class, and heard the song on my journey. Haha.

So I discovered J.Reyez years and years ago, when he did a parody of 'Like a G6' on Youtube (I believe it was something to do with a seagull?). Remember when that song came out? That's when I started listening to this guy. I don't know how, but he was already in my subscriptions so I started watching other videos.

This was long before my kpop obsession, as 3/4 years is fairly recent. I found him during my Canadian obsession. I've had a few obsessions over the years xD.

Anyway, I knew that he collaborated with Lydia Paek a lot in his albums, and she features in quite a lot of his videos too. Now, I didn't know she was with YG Entertainment until very late last year (as in, the last few days of December). And, best of all, she's even worked with G-Dragon a few times. <3

So jealous haha.

So J.Reyez raps about his life, and in a way he is a bit like Eminem. He does kpop covers in English, produces his own albums and songs, goes on tour and is quite successful now even if he isn't that famous to everyone. But he still has loads of fans.

I personally think he is quite inspirational as an artist and would love to meet him one day. Anyway, I've gone off topic, back on topic and probably make no sense right now, so this is goodbye.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

Contact Me

I love speaking to people all the time, and I get lonely at times. I can also try and give you some advice. So here are the best ways of getting in touch. I do try to reply, but I don't always use all of these methods all the time. Just try your luck ^.^

Skype: carinahasskype
Kik: carinaad
Twitter: carinaxx94 (I had to change it and privatize it for personal reasons)
E-mail (no guarantee): caz.a.d@hotmail.com

I also use various other ways, so just comment below or ask through one of the above. ^.^ Let's talk.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

This is AMAZING!!!

So a couple of days ago, I found this and thought that I must share it with you.

There's a Korean photographer/artist called Jee Young Lee who creates wonderful scenes from her tiny studio room.

Each scene can take up to months to create, but I'm sure you'll think the time is worth it.

What's better is that she does not use Photoshop at all with any of these photographs. That's rare these days.

There are loads more if you just Google her name. So what do you think? Is the effort worth it?

I sure think so.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

R.I.P Mandela

Nelson Mandela was a truly inspirational person, he brought freedom and equality to South Africa.

I know that he did not live in my country.
I do not know if he even had any influence on my life.
I do know that so many people around the world have huge amounts of respect for him.
I may learn very little in history class, but I wish I had learned more about this man. Just his death being 'Breaking News' shows how much love everyone had for him. Unconditional love and respect for a person who they may not have ever met in their lives. And that is what makes a great person.

If people can love you, and support you even in prison, then you will be great. Use your time and choose your words carefully, be true to yourself and do not seek revenge on those who torture you. Forgive but never forget, as the past defines who you are.

Being reminded how kindhearted some people can be, and also reminded of what this man had gone through and never lost faith in people shows how everyone can be strong and good, no matter what happens in life.

Now go out and live your beautiful lives, because Nelson Mandela would want you to be the best you can be.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

(I might start signing off like this from now on)

Harsh Reality

In life, we can all choose what we believe in. Either accept the lies, live in ignorance and be happy, or choose the truth.

I try both. I like to pretend to all those around me, that I believe what I'm told, be naiive, and trust people. But I don't. I know the truth, at least, most of it...

I know that I come across happy to people I know and meet, but my reality is far from similar. Someone made me realise how hard my life actually is, without realising it. "I'm so sad ... My dad lied to me ... He said he would visit last week and didn't arrive" I mean, pur-lease. That was it?! She got depressed over that?

I had a little tantrum, letting her know how easy she had it... How she was lucky to have pet names as a child, to get hugs before bed, nighttime stories. My mum claims to have done this, but I can't remember a thing like that. I remember being told "If you don't like it here, move in with your father" from a young age. My dad is leaving the continent by the end of the year, my youngest half-sister has turned into a spoilt brat, my older siblings barely saw me grossing up, I would get hit frequently, and I have never been academic enough in my dads eyes.

My life hasn't been the worst, but its definitely not the best either. I chose to try and be happy, not to let people put me down or push me around. I became stronger mentally, yeah things still get me down, and I may be bipolar, but I usually manage it. I became a brilliant actress in life, and I'm trying to be a success. I may not get to be famous, (fame was never a goal anyway) but I know I will make it. I have so much determination that its unreal. I refuse to give up, to go backwards.

That is all for now.

Life Lessons #1

I want to start a series of posts about advice I would give to others, based on events that have happened to me. These will be numbered in order, but I will have other posts scattered among these.

#1 Don't let anyone take advantage of you! Virginity.

You need to have complete respect for yourself, so that others will respect you too. Don't go giving up your virginity because "you should" due to your age or relationship status. Your body is beautiful, and only the right person should get to see it fully. Stand up for yourself, nobody should be able to tell you what to do (except your parents), you are your own person.

If you respect your body, then others will notice and also respect it. Don't sell yourself cheap, you are priceless, too expensive for money and should be bought with love. Not lust (which is easily confused), not money, not bribery, not even diamonds...etc. You get the picture.

If you're not 100% sure you want to have sex, then DON'T! You'll regret it later....

Be Positive

Everyone has their ups and downs, this is completely normal, but it bugs me when people are always down.

I know what its like to be depressed, and to know what it feels like being close to someone who is depressed. It's not nice knowing that someone is suffering and there's nothing you can do about it. I think I am or was bi-polar at some point in my life. For 3 years I knew when I had my up months, and my down ones which always followed shortly after. I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

But it will be easier on everyone if we thought about the upside to the majority of life events. Obviously, there are times when being sad is completely acceptable and expected. Heres some examples:

• To get over a breakup, I think about all the things I found annoying or hated about the other person. It helped me get through a lot, but there were some relationships where I couldn't think of something until weeks later. Being single has its positives, as with everything in life. (I'll write some posts on single and coupled life.)

• When I feel down (as I've mentioned before), I now listen to happy music. I have a playlist for times like this too, like childhood music, upbeat songs and musicians that make me smile. I found that depressing and angry music make me feel better, but happy music did this so much quicker.

• If my family say or do something to make me upset, I shut myself in my room. But then I think about what life would be like without them. Who would have taught me to ride a bike? Could I manage living alone (yes) or without that person in my life? (no) How would I feel if they actually died? 

• If someone gets angry with you, just laugh. My foster sister attacked me once, and I proud that I didn't retaliate, but I laughed in her face. The way she clawed up her hands to scratch my face reminded me of an animal. The look in her eyes, the pure hatred and anger, I wasn't scared, so I laughed. Probably not the best idea I've ever had...

• When I got kicked out my house: at least I don't have to put up with him anymore. I didn't like the food anyway. I focused on the small things.

• No romantic relationships? I only need my friends because they're always there for me. :)

I never said this will be easy to do, and it takes practice, but you'll be a happier person. Watch the drama unfold around you, and think 'Was I really like that?' 'Gosh that's embarrassing!'

Mr. Simple

Stolen from my other blog :o !

First of all, as most people know, I’m really into Korean music, and no that does not just mean Gangnam Style! One of my favourite bands is Super Junior, which consists of 10-15 members at any time. This is due to compulsory military service, so some are away and it is rare to see them all together.

I really like this song and video, not just because it was the first song and video I saw of them, but because of the lyrics. The lyrics themselves are inspirational, letting the listener know that there is nothing wrong with them. The first verse even mentions moods and emotions going up and down all that time, and that it is perfectly normal. It reminds us that life isn’t necessarily easy, but it’s not bad either. We just need to make the most of it and remember that we are all perfect in our own ways.

The video is typical of ‘mainstream music’ where the background changes often, there is a perfectly choreographed dance and various outfit changes. The lighting appears very clinical in the way that the main area is brightly lit, but the individual backdrops are grey and quite bland. The lighting from the floor is unusual although it does minimize shadows. In fact, there are hardly any shadows, which gives the impression that most of it used a green screen.

Super Junior isn’t the only group to have positive messages hidden in them, a few other songs are:
Nu’est – Face
2NE1 – Ugly
EXO-K – Traffic Safety Song

Lyrics used:

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&ved=0CDwQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.kpoplyrics.net%2Fsuper-junior-mr-simple-lyrics-romanized-english.html&ei=QMZeUY26C8XHPLbkgdgH&usg=AFQjCNGKry2omo0yHu0sK5j_-ECaKGUASw&sig2=gOU9-qXonbE7YtrUUA33-w&bvm=bv.44770516,d.ZWU

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&cad=rja&ved=0CEcQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fimmortalsoul123.wordpress.com%2F2011%2F08%2F02%2Fmr-simple-album-songs-lyrics-english-translations%2F&ei=QMZeUY26C8XHPLbkgdgH&usg=AFQjCNHAC7WOETkOOp0ttxekDo2gA_dp3g&sig2=U1BWBLe2w0eWz-iJ4dkuvA&bvm=bv.44770516,d.ZWU


Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6TwzSGYycM

Be Yourself

I wouldn't really be able to describe this much better myself, and it really bugs me when people want to follow the crowds instead of being unique. I pride myself in not copying other people, I dress my own way, act my own way and choose to do things based on my morals and my personality.

"Gemma" is often telling me how she wants this 'Paul's Boutique' coat because everyone at her school has one, and she only wants certain branded clothes because of what others think. One, it makes things expensive and two, she looks like everyone else. At least if I try to find my actual sister in a crowd, I can based on her clothes or hair. If I look for Gemma, I look for the smallest black child around, not her sense of style or how she dresses.

I love Jenna Marbles, she's a great inspiration and makes some pretty funny videos like 'How to trick people into thinking you're good looking', and admittedly her older videos are the best ones. Jenna doesn't try to be someone else, and if you go past the fake tanned skin and blonde hair, you find that she isn't a bimbo, but an intelligent person with a great personality.

Just remember to:

• be creative
• be strong
• be courageous
• be ambitious
• and most importantly: be yourself

:)