"Don't Judge Me"

Don't ask for the impossible.

We are human, we will judge you whether you like it or not. BUT, it is our choice to take that judgement seriously or get to know you before making a proper judgment.

Just hope that more people have positive judgements or ignore their judgement upon first meeting :).

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Catfish

It's not a fish that look like a cat....

I mean people that pretend to be others online. Seen the movie or TV series called Catfish with Niv? 

Basically, the internet is a really easy place to pretend to be someone else. And some people create friendships and more with catfish, without realising, obviously. I met this girl online once, and we've become great friends, but when we first met, she pretended to be a 19 y/o guy. She's 12... She told me within a couple of weeks, must have gotten confused as she spoke to me as herself and 'her older cousin' and her information got muddled up.

It's so easy, see what I mean? The internet is full of people who don't like themselves, or their lives, and so they create a new persona. As long as you don't intend to harm anyone, or love them, there shouldn't be a problem. But what if the other person falls for you? How do you come clean? And can a friendship be based on what is essentially a pack of lies?

Just think about it. And be careful on the interwebs.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Beauty

I'm pretty sure I've posted this before but I can't find it.

Beauty is all around us, in nature, in design and in people. I'm not talking about physical beauty today though.

A person can be beautiful on the inside by the things he or she does and says. It can be their passion for a hobby. It can be the way they talk to people. Afterall, 'actions speak louder than words'. And 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'.

Basically, someone out there will love your ideals, and find you beautiful. If someone can love you and go past your looks, you're on to a winner. Everyone is beautiful in different ways, and no amount of make-up will change true beauty. Just be yourself. <3

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Relieved

I finally got to move out today. Basically  I walked into the housing office and told them that they forgot to call me and arrange a meeting, so we had it right then and there. I was brought to tears again, accused to breaking into a room, and of cyberbullying.
I stormed off crying and shouting something along the lines of "You claim to provide a safe environment to live in yet I've been living in fear for the past month! [...] If you don't do something about this, I will drop out of uni altogether because this is too much stress! I have a deadline on Monday and due to the circumstances I am unable to complete my work in time."

I cried for a while, staring out at the water and City Airport, then called my personal tutor for some advice.
I went to my tutors office, and spoke, then he asked me to leave the room for a few minutes to talk to someone else that had entered.

I then recieved a call from housing, telling me some stuff about a room being available, in which I replied "I should hope so, you guys have driven me to thoughts of suicide, and quitting the one thing I actually want to do[...] Let me calm down first." I was still too angry, and encounters with that man always make me worse. (It really doesn't help that almost everyone I saw that day was male.)

I went to the office with my tutor, who was also trying to get me an extension on a piece of coursework, so that it is complete, even if it is not to the standard that I wanted it to be at. He checked that they were in fact giving me a room, and they gave me the keys to have a look at it. I asked my tutor to come with me as I was still feeling a bit off, and so he did. Getting into another flat made me feel so much better already, and so I accepted the offer and started moving things in, packing and cleaning my old room and then bringing it all over with the help of a couple of friends.

A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I noticed that I have turned back into my old self again, quite quickly. I have a spring in my step, I'm smiling already and made my first proper meal in about a month (from scratch, none of those jars and frozen rubbish).

I am truly grateful to everyone that has helped and supported me through this time, my family, friends, my personal tutor, and now I found out that the one 'impartial' person in my flat was actually on my side. Shhh, I'm not supposed to know ;)

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

University #1

I have a feeling that I'm going to do random blogs about my daily life at uni... Let's hope it goes better than my Life Lessons series. xD

Anyway, I moved in today, with a little help from two sisters, both parents, my old foster sister and her dad. A bit much, eh?

I've now met my flatmates, I think... They seem ok, there's the stereotypical nerd, a Filipino with the same name (xD), and three other girls. I might be able to get a photo of us all one day, or at least some of us...

I keep comparing us to my flat mates from last year, and well, I miss them so very muchly. But maybe that's because we bonded a little better, all these guys want to do is drink. I like drinking like the next person, but from as early as 8pm? Newbs xD

Oh, and the flat parties weren't as good as last year. Freshers is worse too, by the looks of it. At least I still have friends with houses, so that means better house parties ^.^

That is all for now my lovelies. Goodnight x

Harsh Reality

In life, we can all choose what we believe in. Either accept the lies, live in ignorance and be happy, or choose the truth.

I try both. I like to pretend to all those around me, that I believe what I'm told, be naiive, and trust people. But I don't. I know the truth, at least, most of it...

I know that I come across happy to people I know and meet, but my reality is far from similar. Someone made me realise how hard my life actually is, without realising it. "I'm so sad ... My dad lied to me ... He said he would visit last week and didn't arrive" I mean, pur-lease. That was it?! She got depressed over that?

I had a little tantrum, letting her know how easy she had it... How she was lucky to have pet names as a child, to get hugs before bed, nighttime stories. My mum claims to have done this, but I can't remember a thing like that. I remember being told "If you don't like it here, move in with your father" from a young age. My dad is leaving the continent by the end of the year, my youngest half-sister has turned into a spoilt brat, my older siblings barely saw me grossing up, I would get hit frequently, and I have never been academic enough in my dads eyes.

My life hasn't been the worst, but its definitely not the best either. I chose to try and be happy, not to let people put me down or push me around. I became stronger mentally, yeah things still get me down, and I may be bipolar, but I usually manage it. I became a brilliant actress in life, and I'm trying to be a success. I may not get to be famous, (fame was never a goal anyway) but I know I will make it. I have so much determination that its unreal. I refuse to give up, to go backwards.

That is all for now.

Prejudice

Now I want to go back in time to last September, when I met my flat mates for the first time. I was terrified  and hungry (typical for me) and hadn't met anyone yet on the second day. I walked into the kitchen and everyone was there, they were so loud. >.<

I come from a pretty quiet house, despite everything that goes on, my family will stay away from each other or just talk quietly. The only time we are loud is during an argument, even when my mum tried to break my arm, she was quiet enough not to wake my sister in the same room.

So imagine my horror when I found everyone talking really loudly, laughing and discussing parties. I was fine with all that, I swear, but the sheer volume of them scared me. Sure I may love to watch anime, read, watch films in my room like every other hermit out there, but I also love to party as much as every other girl my age. Getting dressed up, drinking, and having a tonne of fun with my friends. I'm actually pretty normal, despite what I claim.

I found out a few months later that my whole flat thought I would be a boring bookworm. They didn't know that I go out a lot, or that I gave up pole-dancing before going to uni, and as a child I played loads of sports. When they found out, it shone a whole new light on me, as if I suddenly became a different person. Just because I wear glasses and had a shirt on that day (originally undone over a vest but I got cold and buttoned it up), it doesn't mean I am that kind of person.

It really bugs me when people judge others before getting to know them, and I know that I do it too, but we should give people a chance before blowing them off. I hated this one girl at first because I thought she liked the same guy as me, but now we're really close and I regret how I felt at first. People are surprising and if we just take the time to get to know someone, then we might end up staying friends for the rest of our lives.

So what I'm saying is that you shouldn't judge someone on the way they look, or because they drink when they go out. Just because they smoke weed (I have never done drugs and I'm completely against it for my own reasons but I won't bully you to stop. Although smoking is really bad and you should give that up :) If not, it's your own health you're damaging), or go pole-dancing, or play sports, or are gay/lesbian, or just don't behave in the same way as you. No one is perfect and the sooner people accept this, the easier it will be to make friends and enjoy life.