There's a Mouse in the House!

I know what I saw.
I don't know what I saw.

It was dark.
I had just turned on the light.
The faint glow ever so slowly getting brighter.
I turn to put my plate on the counter.
I see a shadow.
I see it scurrying.
It turns back towards the oven.
It pokes it's head around the blender.
Its little black beady eyes.
I blink.
It's gone.
I walk back, in panic.

I tell my housemates. Stammering.
The words aren't real.
This can't be real.
"There's- There's a mouse. I saw a mouse. In the kitchen..."
They're in denial.
"You're seeing things. You were hearing things last week too." I'm told.
I don't believe it.
Maybe I didn't see a mouse.
But maybe I did.

I still refuse to wash up, in case it is back.
I'll wash my dishes when it is daylight again.


I know this isn't how I normally blog. But it had to be done. This happened shortly after dinner today, I saw it as I went to get more food. As you can probably guess, I've hidden myself in my room until morning. Actual morning. And I'm so hungry...I've only eaten breakfast and dinner today. Both were small meals. I'm such a greedy pig, haha xD.

Unconditional love and stay safe from vermin,
Cazzie x

Annoying

Ok, so I had to tell someone and explain to them that I am bisexual, yet mostly lesbian. He's a guy. Then his first question was "Do you find me attractive?" I'm sorry, but if I tell you that I'm a lesbian, what makes you think I'll find you attractive?

No lie. This was today.

I always find it really awkward to answer. I mean, are you stupid and will I actually hurt your feelings?
Anyway, some people are easier to tell, and they know. But the ones I'm closest to and don't suspect a thing, the ones where I think they will judge me and where I actually care what they think, they don't know.

Emily and Maya in PLL.

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

LOVE

I guess this blog is sort of a dedication to the second and last person I ever loved.

I was with my first boyfriend on and off (mostly off) for almost two years, from age 14 (I'll call him Scott). We sort of drifted apart after finishing school at 16 (Bonus of living in England, we can chose to leave school at 16. I chose to stay on xD) and only exchange birthday wishes through Facebook now.

Anyway, secondly there was Aaron*. I met him shortly after turning 15, well, I met him through his sister that I had only met days earlier. The three of us became quick friends and spent loads of time together. We met up that summer (as they did not live that close) and were practically inseparable, chatting all night long online.

*Sorry, I can't remember him without tears coming to my eyes*

I fell for him, but I could never admit that to him. I was scared of ruining what we had, yet we told each other practically everything else. Aaron was two years older than me, and apparently had a girlfriend that I never met but he was always with me and his sister. I didn't quite understand. Anyway, that year, he had an accident. He was knocked over by a car and hospitalised. I was in so much shock that I couldn't even reply when I got the text. I just sat in my room crying. That's when I knew that my feelings were really strong, but I was put off by knowing he had someone else.

Our friendship was brief, now that I think about it. I had a lot going on at home, and he and his sister had moved even further away due to family issues. I didn't press for details, I knew that if he would tell anyone, it would be me. 15th June 2011, Aaron sadly passed away. I was 17. He was such a huge part of my  life, that I didn't know what to do after he went. The shock was immense and the pain still haunts me. Around his two year anniversary, I cried and cried. It was terrible.

My memories do not serve me well, ever. I don't remember being with Scott and falling for Aaron at the same time. The parts that give me pin points in time are: he was knocked down by a car around the time of my GCSE's (I finished them in 2010), and he died two months before I moved house (August 2011). I knew he was ill, but he wouldn't let pain get him down. He suffered in silence, always wearing that smile on his face. I sunk into my deepest depression pit to date.

Anyway... If anyone needs me, I'll post some contact details later. Or just leave me a comment :3

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

So Late...

So about a month ago, I said this 'I'll explain the boat party scenario when I have the time. And my new job. And this girl and two guys that seem to like me...Later. Much later.' (2nd November 2013, just scroll down)
And so I thought I should at least explain one of these. 

I have a job. Not quite sure if it's paid :/ and I know I haven't got any money, but I enjoy working there so it doesn't matter so much. If I hated it, I wouldn't stay even if I did get paid, but I love it, so yeah.

I work in a TV Studio called The Sporah Show. I don't think I can post much online about it (my manager told me not to upload photos to facebook without permission, but I don't even take any photos haha). I started on the 29th October, and I get to meet all these lovely celebrities from Africa, and some from the UK too.

They are usually so interesting to talk to, and the host, Sporah, has her own tale to tell. (Sssh, I didn't say anything.) We have business men/women, models, actors, musicians, writers and loads more. Admittedly I have never seen the show itself, just snippets from youtube (I don't have a TV or license), but behind the scenes are so funny. It's almost like another family, so I felt welcomed as soon as I arrived.

If I have to compare the show to any others (not that I watch TV), I would say that it's like Graham Norton's show, Oprah, and even Alan Carr: Chatty Man.

I'm still undecided on what I want to pursue as a career in the future, this is definitely fun, but I don't think I would be able to do this all the time. It's only for one day a week, and I have university to finish first. Anyway, check out the show's website and let me know what you think. 

Oh, and new episodes are aired every Tuesday at 8pm on VOX AFRICA, Sky Channel 218. There are two more repeats during the week too ;)

Life Lessons #3

Self Harming

Don't do it! I know what it's like to spiral into a pit of despair, the only release for your emotions being pain.

The empty feeling, being lonely even when surrounded by people. Unbearable sadness, the ache in your heart. Yeah, I've been there....

But from experience, cutting doesn't actually help. The pain? Yes. The blood, woozy feeling and scars? No.
Ok, I hate the sight and smell of blood, but that isn't the point.
In my down days, I would go to forum after forum for help, and the best piece of advice was: Keep a rubber band around your wrist, then instead of cutting, ping it. You still get the pain without the scars. Sorry I can't remember who said it, but it was probably on FizzyFamily.com.

Remember that no matter what you are going through, it CAN and WILL get better. Sometimes we do things that we regret, but that's life. And life matters.

Stay strong. <3

R.I.P

Rest in Peace Cory Monteith.

I never watched Glee, and I didn't know the guy in any way, heck I had never heard him until I logged into Facebook earlier today. All I know is that he was a star of Glee and was due to be married in just two weeks. I don't know what possessed him or if the allegations are true but he supposedly died of a drug overdose (unconfirmed so far).

Just because I do not know who the person is, it doesn't mean that I should feel no sympathy towards his family. So many people die everyday (just check wikipedia for the 'celebrity' ones), and it makes me realise just how short our lives are. Cory Monteith was only 31, that's the same age as my older sister...

I remember once that I was feeling really down for a long time and so my friend randomly told me that 2 people die every second and I should be thankful that I'm not one of them. It took a while for it to sink in (a couple of weeks) but I finally got it. Life is short and we don't know when it will end. Why sit in misery when we could be happy, do something everyday or make a small positive change to this world? Well, today was too hot for me, so I sat inside but that doesn't mean I was sad all day.

So, Cory Monteith, you will be missed by many, and even if you didn't realise it, you made so many Glee fans happy with every episode. This tragic incident was unfortunate but maybe his mission in life was completed. Look to the bright side and our thoughts and prayers will be with the family and his fiancee, Lea, at this time.