University #5

Now for the story of about two weeks ago. As I have vaguely listed those that I live with, I'm going to use those names and assume you know who they are even though you really don't know these people.

Phil had been texting Lizzy since Fresher's week, pretending to be a girl that we all knew. I don't know what was in these texts, so I'm not really sure how bad they are or how they may have affected Lizzy. I was all for it when I first heard about this little prank, and thought nothing much of it. One week later, I heard that it was still carrying on and I told him to stop.
Bearing in mind that my memory is rubbish and I forgot all about it until I was reminded.
By the second week, I thought it was going on too long and told Phil to stop, especially as we didn't know each other very well. By the third week this was going on, I said that he was pure evil and had to stop immediately. Obviously he didn't.

One Friday evening while we were all drinking together (yes we're all old enough), Lizzy found out and went to her room crying. I knocked on her door a few minutes later and she answered. I hugged her as she told me what was going on, and me being drunk, I told her that I vaguely knew. She burst into tears more and closed the door in which her boyfriend spoke to me. I explained all I could, probably not really making any sense, and admitted that I probably should have told her the situation sooner. He then shut the door on my face and I broke down, crying so much that I fell to the floor for ten minutes without the tears stopping.

When I managed to compose myself, I went into the kitchen and threatened Phil. Cutting down the last part of the story, I grabbed a knife from the draining board, fell to the floor crying again, in the middle of the kitchen. The rest makes me look bad, I was acting out of character, my emotions heightened, I was drunk, and I'm not a very violent person. In fact, I would never want to hurt a person. Plus I hate the sight and smell of blood so none of my threats are actually serious.

For three days, Lizzy refused to talk to any of us. Less than a week later, I text her every couple of days about normal stuff, seeing if she would reply. Eventually she did, but she never came out of her room. For a week, we would text each other, and despite literally living next to her, I never saw her face. This weekend, so, two weeks after the incident, she finally emerged to everyone else, while I managed to go shopping with her a couple of days earlier. It took a while, but I hope and think things will be getting better from here on out.

I've finally filled her in on all the details that I did know, and she's vaguely told me a couple of the texts, which made it seem like a girl was flirting with her too much. So yeah, it was just a prank gone too far.

*I apologise for spelling and grammar mistakes, I'm really tired and not really concentrating much.*

BusyBusyBusy

Hey, sorry I haven't been posting as much as I usually do, but I've been really busy. So busy that I haven't even managed to search for a job...

So I have mountains worth of coursework to complete, luckily my closest deadline is ten days away... Not that I really have much time left. I finally got one of my photoshoots done, so progress is being made, no matter how slight.  I should also be doing another shoot tomorrow, with a further one during the week.

I have been spending more time with my flatmates, and we are finally all talking again. Also we seem to be getting a little closer, although I found that the more I know about one of the girls, the less I am liking her.

I figured out why I reacted the way I did a couple of weeks ago when one girl had a prank on her. (Not sure if I mentioned the whole story, if not I'll add another post.) I realised that I really liked her. Even though she has a boyfriend, just knowing that she is also bisexual and really nice, good looking, etc. made me fall for her a little. (I really need to make up names for my flatmates.)

Let's see... Shanay, Phil, Mel, James, and Lizzy. None of these names actually make sense haha. I hope I remember these... Oh, and Mel's boyfriend can be called Luke and Lizzy's boyfriend shall now be Brian.

Iris stayed over on Thursday (shh, don't tell security) which was fun, and we went to China Town Friday before taking her home and she modelled for me on Thursday (she always models for me).

I'm trying to think what else has been going on.... If I remember, I'll post. I just know there's been a lot but it's hard for me to remember.


Oh, I was also filmed as a presenter for my friend's work, went Filipino food shopping and ate out quite a bit. I'm going to be so poor over Christmas :(

Last Saturday, we went sober clubbing in Piccadilly and I saw a YouTuber but was too scared to say I so I tweeted him :/

Small World

I have a lot of random thoughts pop into my head at various times, and this hot and sticky night is one of those times.

I remember back in primary school, year 3 or 4 I think, and I used to get bullied. I never told my family, or my friends as it would happen when I was alone, and it was a couple of 'groups' that did it. One couple were girls in year six, about 2 or 3 years above me, and they would taunt me often. Eventually I confessed this to my mum's friend's daughter, (lets call her L) and it turned out that she used to be best friends with one of them. I still remember their names now, S and C shall be all I will reveal. S was a friend of L, who went to my school but later transferred because it was 'not good enough for her family' (they're snobs now). I begged L to do something, but it did not cease until S and C went to secondary school... luckily that was only about a year or two.

Unfortunately for me, the year after they left, I got bullied by another two girls, two years below me. They would sing songs about me being too skinny, calling me a twig or sticks. I took matters into my own hands and started eating a lot more. Again I never told anyone, and this is my first confession. They stopped the teasing for a while, and then it started up again by calling me a fat whale. I looked like on of those starving African children with stick arms, and a massive belly. I just ate and ate, but didn't care what.

When I finally finished that school, I found that I no longer had the same friends and my self esteem went all the way down. I became reserved and extremely shy. Almost like a different person. I was always a bit on the quiet side, but I now realise that I had changed. I was told by some 'friends' that I should stop complaining about my life because it was too depressing. I grew a tougher skin and never showed my emotions. I didn't know how to fit in and I was often alone in class.

I never really manage to keep friends for very long, but I have a few that I can stay close to... well, make that two. No matter how long we go without speaking because of uni, we can still talk about anything and be who we are. I'm glad I have these two to keep me strong through all the emotional heartbreak (more stories to come), the depression and self harm, through exams, stress, domestic violence and being homeless (for about an hour xD).

My story isn't normal, no one's is. This isn't to share with the world, but a personal reminder of what I have gone through and to know that I am stronger than people realise. I am who I am because of what has happened to me.

Stay strong everyone, and if you're being bullied, tell someone. I know I didn't and was always afraid that it would get worse if I did, but I wish I had more help back then. :)

Titanic, Flatmates and Chocolate.

As I sit here eating my giant Matchmakers cookie, I think over the events of the past few days. This was my first day off after the previous five being super busy. The Trafalgar Square incident involving Margaret Thatcher's haters intrigued me. It was scary and fun all at the same time. I have a short video about it on my other blog 'Discourse'. The huge crowds were amazing and I got to pretend that I was a photo-journalist. My friend works for some kind video production for news channels and he was looking out for me :).

Everyone knows the film 'Titanic', right? My flatmate Mike was talking about it so I asked; 'If you were in that situation, do you think you would get on a boat or save everyone else?' And Mike being super religious said he would be a martyr and save everyone else. Bull****!! So asked in various other ways and explained that most people, in a life or death situation, would automatically save himself and then regret it later. Then he said "But I'm religious so you wouldn't understand." Why the f*** do you think I wear a cross round my neck then?!
This isn't the first time he has annoyed me, and each time my temper gets shorter and shorter so I threw my lunch in the sink (thinking I had broken my bowl and plate) and went to my room. Within minutes, I was crying in my bed and calling my mum. My mum giving the best advice ever, told me to go and get some chocolate, ice cream and anything else to cheer me up. So I called my boyfriend and I spent about £20 on sweets, cookies, ice cream, doughnuts and chocolate. I ate it all.

Same question to all of you sad people who decide to read this post :P