G-D & T.O.P

So I might be having a little obsession over G-Dragon and T.O.P!

Their music and fashion, and G-D's face and voice. OMG, I'm practically falling in love. So husky and smooth at the same time. I don't know how to explain it. I just love his voice.

I read an old interview last night about how he treats girls, whether he's dating them or not. He's like the perfect guy, and doesn't think twice about being a gentleman, it's just him.

I spent the entirety of last week (with the exception of when I wasn't able to gt on YouTube) going through all of their videos together.

Can I hug him now? Just a hug? A little one...

If I could meet GD, I would either fangirl so much, or pretend not to care and explode with happiness on the inside. I mean, his perfectly chiseled cheekbones and straight nose. It's probably all make up but I don't care.

And he's so quirky. I love his fluffy black hat,it goes almost everywhere with him. Oh and most importantly, his English is amazing :D *dies from excitement*

Unconditional love,

Cazzie x

I Miss Home

So Christmas season is upon us, and I am yet to go home and celebrate with my family even though university is over. I miss my bedroom so much, and the past couple of months have been too eventful, (I know I said I would post everything, but I haven't revealed the full story yet) but I wanted to share a couple of images of my room with you.

 I'm almost Japanese, haha. These are the kanji for 'star', 'water' and 'love'. I know the words seem an odd combination, but these are what I was taught at a japanese festival and my first ever attempt at writing kanji. The brush strokes may be a bit off, but if I keep practicing, I should get better. And I always have my japanese friend to help me :)

This is my name in katakana. It can be written two ways, and mine is supposed to have an extra symbol to show that the 'ri' part of my name is slightly longer, so Carina becomes 'カリーナ' and the 'i' is pronounced slightly longer than in my image. I just love how japanese is written, and so I have these in my bedroom to remind me of how happy east asians always are. They're always smiling, I don't think I've ever seen one sad.

This is all for now, I may show more snippets of my room later on (when I get bored).

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

This is AMAZING!!!

So a couple of days ago, I found this and thought that I must share it with you.

There's a Korean photographer/artist called Jee Young Lee who creates wonderful scenes from her tiny studio room.

Each scene can take up to months to create, but I'm sure you'll think the time is worth it.

What's better is that she does not use Photoshop at all with any of these photographs. That's rare these days.

There are loads more if you just Google her name. So what do you think? Is the effort worth it?

I sure think so.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

Relieved

I finally got to move out today. Basically  I walked into the housing office and told them that they forgot to call me and arrange a meeting, so we had it right then and there. I was brought to tears again, accused to breaking into a room, and of cyberbullying.
I stormed off crying and shouting something along the lines of "You claim to provide a safe environment to live in yet I've been living in fear for the past month! [...] If you don't do something about this, I will drop out of uni altogether because this is too much stress! I have a deadline on Monday and due to the circumstances I am unable to complete my work in time."

I cried for a while, staring out at the water and City Airport, then called my personal tutor for some advice.
I went to my tutors office, and spoke, then he asked me to leave the room for a few minutes to talk to someone else that had entered.

I then recieved a call from housing, telling me some stuff about a room being available, in which I replied "I should hope so, you guys have driven me to thoughts of suicide, and quitting the one thing I actually want to do[...] Let me calm down first." I was still too angry, and encounters with that man always make me worse. (It really doesn't help that almost everyone I saw that day was male.)

I went to the office with my tutor, who was also trying to get me an extension on a piece of coursework, so that it is complete, even if it is not to the standard that I wanted it to be at. He checked that they were in fact giving me a room, and they gave me the keys to have a look at it. I asked my tutor to come with me as I was still feeling a bit off, and so he did. Getting into another flat made me feel so much better already, and so I accepted the offer and started moving things in, packing and cleaning my old room and then bringing it all over with the help of a couple of friends.

A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I noticed that I have turned back into my old self again, quite quickly. I have a spring in my step, I'm smiling already and made my first proper meal in about a month (from scratch, none of those jars and frozen rubbish).

I am truly grateful to everyone that has helped and supported me through this time, my family, friends, my personal tutor, and now I found out that the one 'impartial' person in my flat was actually on my side. Shhh, I'm not supposed to know ;)

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

R.I.P Mandela

Nelson Mandela was a truly inspirational person, he brought freedom and equality to South Africa.

I know that he did not live in my country.
I do not know if he even had any influence on my life.
I do know that so many people around the world have huge amounts of respect for him.
I may learn very little in history class, but I wish I had learned more about this man. Just his death being 'Breaking News' shows how much love everyone had for him. Unconditional love and respect for a person who they may not have ever met in their lives. And that is what makes a great person.

If people can love you, and support you even in prison, then you will be great. Use your time and choose your words carefully, be true to yourself and do not seek revenge on those who torture you. Forgive but never forget, as the past defines who you are.

Being reminded how kindhearted some people can be, and also reminded of what this man had gone through and never lost faith in people shows how everyone can be strong and good, no matter what happens in life.

Now go out and live your beautiful lives, because Nelson Mandela would want you to be the best you can be.

Unconditional love,
Cazzie x

(I might start signing off like this from now on)

I hate this

The stress is just too much now. I know I haven't explained anything really on here, but I am seriously considering dropping out of uni, retaking the year or ending my life.

I swore, after Aaron's death just over 2 years ago, that I would never let myself get that depressed again. This past month and a bit has thrown me into a downward spiral of despair, I don't know what to do. I have cried more times each week since September, than I have in the past few years. I almost self-harmed again, I panic when I see 'resemblances' of her, walk the long way home just so I can't be seen from my flat and dread going home. I barely even eat in my flat anymore. I don't go in my kitchen if I know or think someone else is in there too.

My housing office will not let me move out, I have no time to catch up and get my work in on time, and I'm just panicking now. My deadline for this essay is four days, and I've barely started it... Obviously will be handed in either unfinished, at a rubbish standard or not at all.

It has gotten to the point where BOTH my parents are working TOGETHER the help me sort this. And if you have divorced parents, you know how rare this actually is.

So, I just collapsed on my bed and cried for the past 20 minutes, and I must say, despite having so many people backing me up, all I want is a hug and I feel like I have no one to contact at midnight... My family all live over an hour away by car, and longer by public transport, any friends that I may visit or come here will not be able to get back home and the two people I am close to (distance), I have been there too much and feel like I'm bugging them as they have the same deadlines as me and have gone through something similar but worse recently.

I will now leave this depressing post to be forever lost in cyber space.

So Late...

So about a month ago, I said this 'I'll explain the boat party scenario when I have the time. And my new job. And this girl and two guys that seem to like me...Later. Much later.' (2nd November 2013, just scroll down)
And so I thought I should at least explain one of these. 

I have a job. Not quite sure if it's paid :/ and I know I haven't got any money, but I enjoy working there so it doesn't matter so much. If I hated it, I wouldn't stay even if I did get paid, but I love it, so yeah.

I work in a TV Studio called The Sporah Show. I don't think I can post much online about it (my manager told me not to upload photos to facebook without permission, but I don't even take any photos haha). I started on the 29th October, and I get to meet all these lovely celebrities from Africa, and some from the UK too.

They are usually so interesting to talk to, and the host, Sporah, has her own tale to tell. (Sssh, I didn't say anything.) We have business men/women, models, actors, musicians, writers and loads more. Admittedly I have never seen the show itself, just snippets from youtube (I don't have a TV or license), but behind the scenes are so funny. It's almost like another family, so I felt welcomed as soon as I arrived.

If I have to compare the show to any others (not that I watch TV), I would say that it's like Graham Norton's show, Oprah, and even Alan Carr: Chatty Man.

I'm still undecided on what I want to pursue as a career in the future, this is definitely fun, but I don't think I would be able to do this all the time. It's only for one day a week, and I have university to finish first. Anyway, check out the show's website and let me know what you think. 

Oh, and new episodes are aired every Tuesday at 8pm on VOX AFRICA, Sky Channel 218. There are two more repeats during the week too ;)